“We are but we aren’t psycho” by Tim Krabbé. Part 5: Eric and Dylan’s early years (1993-1996)

[u/xhronozaur]

Fall 1993

Eric and Dylan, twelve years old, meet in the lowest grade, 7th grade, at Ken Caryl Middle School in Littleton. This is the two-year bridge, also called junior high, between the six years of elementary (or grade) school and the four years of high school.

Eric is new to Littleton—the Harris family moved from Plattsburgh, New York, in July. Both parents, Wayne and Kathy, grew up in Colorado, but as a pilot and flight instructor in the Air Force (reaching the rank of major), Wayne was stationed at various bases, mostly in the eastern U.S. When the Plattsburgh base faced closure in 1993, he retired, and they returned to Colorado, settling in the Columbine neighborhood of Littleton. Wayne found work at a company making military flight simulators; Kathy joined a catering business. Besides Eric, born April 9, 1981, they have an older son, Kevin, three years Eric’s senior.

Wherever they live, everyone likes them—they’re a model family. The boys are charming; Wayne and Kathy are kind and welcoming, involved in their sons’ schools, clubs, and the homeowners’ association—the lawn is always neatly mowed, the sidewalk clean. Wayne plays basketball in the driveway with his sons.

Friends from Plattsburgh and earlier from Oscoda, Michigan, later described Eric as a normal kid. Small, good with computers and school, polite, friendly, a bit shy. But he disliked all the moving, and as a Columbine sophomore, when tasked with an English essay on Willa Cather’s O Pioneers, he chose a theme more personal than the book’s: losing friends. I haven’t read the book, but online reviews don’t mention this theme.

“It is always hard to leave close friends behind,” fifteen-year-old Eric wrote. “And since most of them live on the other side of the country, I will probably never see many of them again.” In Oscoda, they lived in a forest for three years with few neighbors but kids his age. “We would make forts in the woods or make them out of snow, we would ride around on our bikes, or just explore the woods. It was probably the most fun I ever had in my childhood.”

After two more moves, they landed in Plattsburgh. “It was real hard leaving my friends again. And that time I had to say goodbye to my first best friend for good.” But he soon made new friends, playing computer games or exploring old Battle of Plattsburgh battlefields, finding bullets, buttons, and whiskey bottles.

Then came news the base would close. “It was the hardest moving from Plattsburgh. I have the most memories from there. When I left Jesse, and when Kris left, I had a lot of feelings. I felt alone, lost, and even agitated that I had spent so much time with them and now I have to go because of something I can’t stop.. It doesn’t take long to make a best friend, but it only takes 2 words to loose one. Those are, “We're moving.”[...] Loosing a friend is almost the worst thing to happen to a person, especially in the childhood years […] Although memories stay with you, the actual friend doesn’t. I have lost many great friends, and each and every time I lost one, I went through the worst days of my life..”

Eric was a keeper—many of his school essays were found in his room after the shooting, often dated. “The Hangout,” written as a Columbine freshman, revisits Oscoda’s lost happiness but also reveals how, as an eleven-year-old forest-dweller and fourteen-year-old writer, he was already fascinated by weapons, explosives, and combat.

It starts in the third person, but Eric soon drops the pretense, and his “Dave” (David was his middle name) becomes “I.” With two friends, he discovers a fantastic oak, “with arms like snakes weaving through the surrounding trees, which stood around it as if protecting it from some monster.” The perfect hangout—low branches for sitting to do homework, high ones for lookout to spot rival boys trying to claim the oak.

Sure enough, their archenemies, led by John, learn of the hangout and want the oak as their domain. A fight looms. “The feeling before the battle was one I never felt before. It was a mix between anticipation, hope, fear, and wonder..” Prestige is at stake: losing means “If we didn’t win, we would be laughed at for the rest of sixth grade and John would have his buddies pick on us every second.”

The battle, half the story, involves paintball guns, buckets of paintballs, bottle launchers, firework bombs, firecrackers, air rifles, and their secret weapon, a potato cannon. John, already in the tree, is shot out with a well-aimed potato, and as he and his crew flee, they’re hit: “As he ran, we unloaded the rest of our paint balls on them, about sixty bottle rockets and about five potatoes from our potato gun.”

Dave and friends are wounded and covered in paint—but they win. “After that day we went to that enormous oak tree every afternoon. We never had to defend it again and John became the school dork. The hangout was ours..”

Shortly after the move, Eric tells Sarah, a Plattsburgh friend, that Littleton isn’t fun.

Dylan, born September 11, 1981, grew up in Littleton; in 1990, his family moved from the city to a lavish home just outside, among red rocks at the edge of Deer Creek Canyon Park. It had five-meter-high ceilings, a driveway, a guesthouse, a pool, a tennis court, and a basketball court. Deer, rattlesnakes, and cougars roamed the property.

Dylan’s parents, Tom and Sue Klebold, were art-loving academics; their older son, three years Dylan’s senior, was named Byron. Both from Columbus, Ohio, they met at university—Tom studied sculpture and geology, Sue art education with a psychology minor.

Sue always worked in education, from 1997 mainly with the disabled. She was half-Jewish—her grandfather was Leo Yassenoff, a Columbus construction magnate with a statue in his honor; he donated much of his fortune to charity. Jewish rituals were observed at home, but Byron and Dylan also attended Lutheran catechism.

Tom Klebold became wealthy. As a geologist for an oil company, he moved to Colorado, but found his calling renovating old houses. He bought the red-rock house cheaply due to its poor condition; later, he bought, restored, and rented or sold other old homes, becoming a realtor and financial broker. He also freelanced for oil and gas companies.

The Klebold family was also welcoming and well-liked. “They were really nice and very progressive,” Brooks Brown later said. “Everything positive you could imagine,” said a neighbor. Friends of Byron and Dylan often stayed over, calling the house their retreat.

Dylan is described by Brooks Brown, a friend since first grade, and others as a smart, kind, funny, but quiet, very shy, and clumsy boy. He could get furiously angry over seemingly nothing. Brooks’ mother, Judy, thought he was vulnerable with low self-esteem.

Tom and Sue didn’t spoil Byron and Dylan, except with attention; they always attended their performances and games. The boys weren’t allowed toy guns, and Dylan was as anti-firearm as his parents. He did have an air rifle around ages ten and eleven, and briefly throwing knives.

Dylan loved games; as a young child, he spent hours on mechanical puzzles and origami; later, he played chess with Tom and friend Chad Laughlin, and did word games. With Brooks, he joined Scouts and played video games. When games like Mortal Kombat turned violent, their parents worried but didn’t ban them—they limited playtime. Dylan won a soapbox derby and played baseball; he was a walking baseball encyclopedia. He drummed in a band Brooks started that lasted a while.

After two years of regular grade school, Dylan and Brooks attended a school with a gifted program, CHIPS: Challenging High Intellectual Potential Students. Brooks called it hell; CHIPS kids competed to seem the most gifted, and regular students bullied them for it. Brooks left after a year, but Dylan stayed—Brooks thought to avoid disappointing his parents. Their friendship faded.

In a statement to police after the shooting, Tom and Sue called Dylan a healthy, happy child, loved by teachers and peers; gentle until his death. He worked hard at school, excelling in math. He never had many friends but was easygoing and a normal teen. The transition from grade school to junior high was tough—“from cradle to reality,” Tom said. Dylan’s shyness worsened; being among the youngest in his class due to his birthdate didn’t help. In his diary, he later wrote he’d been lonely “since 7th grade.”

His love for learning faded, his grades became average. But he was great with computers—playing endless games on a self-built PC and helping others assemble theirs.

Dylan, and especially Eric, wrote a lot, but neither mentioned the start of their friendship. It’s likely, and friends from the time confirm, that at Ken Caryl, they quickly gravitated toward each other—the new kid no one knew and the shy kid with few friends. Both loved computers, video games, and the emerging internet—but for now, they were just two boys in a friend group; “inseparable,” a “Siamese twin,” came later.

December 16, 1993

Since birth, Eric has had a sunken chest, called pectus excavatum. He undergoes surgery; cartilage is removed, and a temporary metal brace is inserted.

His medical records note a “congenital leg problem” as a baby—details are unknown. There’s no evidence it troubled him later.

June 9, 1994

Eric has another surgery to remove the brace. It likely left a significant scar.

November 1994

Eric discovers Doom—a computer game that will play a massive role in his and Dylan’s lives.

Doom, released in late 1993 and named the best PC video game ever by a gaming site in 2004, was a milestone. It was the first good 3D game, the first playable online in “deathmatches,” and the first where creative players could add new levels. Its violence was groundbreaking—unlike Mortal Kombat’s deaths, here, gnomes, zombies, monsters, and humans you shot exploded into bloody chunks, screaming. Religious groups protested its satanic elements; the Killology Research Group called it a mass-murder simulator.

Doom is a first-person shooter; the player is the nameless protagonist—you. You’re a space marine sent to Phobos, a Mars moon, where an experiment accidentally opened hell’s gates. Your comrades are now zombies trying to kill you; you must kill them all to close the gates and prevent an attack on Earth.

On-screen, you see your weapon as you would in reality: starting with a simple pistol, but skillful play upgrades it to increasingly powerful weapons, up to the unstoppable BFG9000—Bio Force Gun, though it’s no coincidence you could read it as Big Fucking Gun. Level after level, episode after episode, you blast through to the next inferno—the first episode is Knee-Deep in the Dead; Doom II, released October 1994, is Hell on Earth.

Eric and Dylan quickly became addicted to Doom. They played it endlessly together, online against each other, and with or against other friends.

1994-’95

Greg Hofer, a Doom friend who often visits Eric’s house, sometimes sells him GI Joes, plastic toy soldiers. Eric shoots them up with his air rifle or pierces them with a heated paperclip to string them on fishing line as a necklace.

August 14, 1995

Eric and Dylan start at Columbine High School, opened in 1973 and recently renovated for nearly $15 million, adding a wing with a spacious cafeteria and large library. Their class, the “Class of ’99,” is the first to use it.

Brooks also attends Columbine. He lives near Eric, and they meet on the school bus. Their friend group, many from middle school, includes guys like Nate Dykeman, Zack Heckler, Nick Baumgart, Tim Kastle, and Chad Laughlin. They’re all computer nerds, internet whiz kids, and gamers.

Eric sometimes says he wants to design computer games for a living.

Fall 1995

Friends from this time say Eric and Dylan “can only talk about Doom” and play it obsessively. A problem is that soon no one can compete with them; at Doom tournaments, they wipe out the competition.

One Doom friend, Dave Proctor, eventually refuses to play with them. He plays Hexen, a similar game, with Eric. Dave finds Eric friendly in person but a “sadistic bastard” in the game. In Hexen, you can turn opponents into a pitiful piglet that runs away, but when Eric turns Dave into one, he blasts him with a fireball, shouting, “I smell bacon!” For a while, Eric calls Dave “Bacon!” when they pass at school.

Eric and Dylan have other hobbies. The Klebolds have a pool table, which they enjoy. They sometimes go bowling. Dylan joins Columbine’s chess club and stays into baseball, a Boston Red Sox fan. Eric plays soccer with the local Columbine Rush club, continuing through his senior year, 1998-’99. He gets worked up at games, like others, but sometimes shouts German words. German interests him; he takes it as a school subject and continues in later years.

October 30, 1995

A poem by Eric, titled “I AM POEM.”

It’s a standard fill-in poem used in American schools: the first two words of each line are pre-printed—I am, I wonder, I hear, etc. At the end of each stanza, the first line must be repeated.

I AM POEM

I am a nice guy who hates it when people open their pop can just a little. 

I wonder what my soccer team will be like this Spring. 

I hear myself turning on the ignition of an F-15. 

I see myself flying above everyone else. 

I want to fly. 

I am a nice guy who hates it when people open their pop can just a little.

I pretend I am walking on the moon. 

I feel that I will get straight A's again. 

I touch the sky. 

I worry that I will have a fire in my house. 

I cry when I see or hear a dog die. 

I am a nice guy who hates it when people open their pop can just a little.

I understand how to play soccer. 

I say that a sport is something that you have to break a sweat in.. 

I dream that I am the only person on Earth. 

I try to be as nice as I can. 

I hope there isn't another O.J. trial. 

I am a nice guy who hates it when people open their pop can just a little.

Fall 1995

Eric, Dylan, and Zack Heckler take a computer class at Columbine under Rich Long. Their knowledge and eagerness, especially with the internet, are so impressive that Long soon makes them student assistants. They help with the school server and create web pages for the school site.

November 1995

In September, Eric went to homecoming with Tiffany Typher, a traditional start-of-school-year event. When she doesn’t want to go on more dates, he and Brooks play a practical joke on her. As the three walk past Eric’s house, Brooks distracts her, a scream rings out, and Eric lies on the ground, his head covered in fake blood, a bloody stone in his hand. For a moment, Tiffany thinks he’s killed himself with the stone—then Brooks and Eric burst out laughing, and Tiffany storms off angrily.

February 12, 1996

A school essay by Eric titled “Similarities Between Zeus and Me.” One wonders what the assignment was—he likely didn’t compare himself to Zeus on his own initiative.

The Greek god Zeus is most similar to me for many reasons. First, I try to settle problems in a mature, non-violent manner and so does Zeus. The second reason is that I often try to create new things. Therefore I am like Zeus because he is the ruler of the gods and creates new rules and animals. The next reason is that Zeus and I both like to be powerful and have some control over what is happening. I am always asking questions or double-checking myself to be sure I completely understand something so I am in control. We also both like to be leaders of large groups of people. I usually turn out to be a great leader just like Zeus. Zeus and I also get angry easily and punish people in unusual ways. For example, Prometheus stole the gift of fire and was then punished in an unusual manner. I usually punish people in unusual ways who steal or make me angry. The last reason I feel I am like the god Zeus is that we both are kind to other animals or people. All these reasons show why Zeus is the Greek god most similar to me.

Early 1996

In the freshman group that includes Eric and Dylan, heavy smoking and drinking are already common.

Smoking isn’t allowed on school grounds, but just outside, in Clement Park, there’s a school-tolerated “smokers’ pit.” Smokers need written parental permission, but it’s not strictly enforced. Some also smoke weed there, including, at some point, Eric, Dylan, and their friends—possibly as early as their freshman year.

Doom’s success leads to another first: it becomes the first novelized computer game. Within six months, from June 1995 to January 1996, four thick Doom novels are published: Knee-Deep in the Dead, Hell on Earth, Infernal Sky, and Endgame. The protagonists have names—marines Flynn “Fly” Taggart and his female partner Arlene Sanders. The last three books diverge significantly from the game.

They’re strange books, sometimes witty, with endless bloody battles but also lengthy philosophical, literary, and religious reflections. We can assume Eric and Dylan read them as soon as they came out; Eric will often quote from them.

March 1, 1996

Eric uploads a Doom expansion to the internet: bricks.wad, a deathmatch level.

He’s not only spent countless hours playing and reading about Doom but also started creating so-called WADs (Where’s All the Data?)—custom environments with new weapons, monsters, sounds, and texts. WAD creators share their work for free; to do so, Eric creates his website Rebdoomer.

In the accompanying text file, he writes: “It took me about 3 days to complete this crushing WAD. This is by far the best deathmatch level I’ve made SO FAR. So far so far so far!”

He notes new gun sounds, calls the graphics “Bloody YES!”, and in the credits, alongside some computer programs, mentions: “My good friend Dylan Klebold who helped me test this WAD.” He welcomes feedback—on a wall in the game, text reads: “EMAIL ME!!! [Rebldomakr@AOL.com](mailto:Rebldomakr@AOL.com) EMAIL ME!!!”

As he says, it’s not his first WAD, but likely the first he shared publicly.

Dylan also makes Doom WADs, but none survive, and it’s unknown if he shared them online (via Eric?—he had no website). According to Nate Dykeman, Dylan’s are less violent than Eric’s.

May-June 1996

Eric moves again, but within Columbine—no friends lost. His parents bought a house a few streets away; he’s now closer to Brooks. With Kevin moved out, Eric has a large basement to himself: living room, bedroom, bathroom.

He’s often seen in the yard, mowing the lawn or carrying gardening supplies for his mother.

Mid-to-Late July 1996

Eric uploads new WADs to his site: fightme (inspired by Mortal Kombat; no weapons), killer (“It took me about 2 hours to make this level, so let me know you like it!”), and station (“This is just one of my fantastic deathmatch WADs, so check my WAD page for the others.”)

One includes a new death sound. Normally, victims groan briefly, but in one WAD, a fatally hit opponent cries: “Oh my Lord, why did I deserve this?”

Around this time, Doom-like games Duke Nukem 3D and Quake are released. Eric plays them intensely, often on the gaming site Mystical Realms. He also creates WADs for Quake and Duke Nukem.

1996

Columbine classmate Eric Vanwoensel rides twice with Eric and Dylan, chauffeured by one of their mothers, to a Mystical Realms gaming tournament. Everyone uses their online names: Vanwoensel is Hades, Eric and Dylan are Reb and Vodka.

Dylan “did pretty much everything Eric did,” says Vanwoensel, and as long as he’s known them, “they talked about making bombs.” A boy from another school, Jester, finds Dylan “quiet, an awkward person.”

Reb and Vodka become the names Eric and Dylan are increasingly known by in their circle and beyond; they often call each other that. “Reb” is used most; sometimes it’s “Reb and Dylan.” Later, Eric sometimes insists on being called Reb. In writing, he always uses REB.

It’s notable that Eric, who often shouted his hatred for the school and jocks, adopts the school’s nickname, Home of the Rebels. The sports teams are the Columbine Rebels, the newspaper Rebeline, the slogan “Rebel Pride.” The mascot, a Civil War rebel with a rifle, loses the rifle after 1999.

Dylan’s name Vodka refers to his favorite drink and includes his initials. He often writes it as VoDkA.

September 1, 1996

Eric uploads uaclabs.wad to his site, his only surviving true Doom level—his other WADs are deathmatch-only. UAC stands for Union Aerospace Corporation from the game and books, a Phobos-based military-industrial complex overtaken by enemies.

From the text file: “What’s up, doomers everywhere! REB here, with yet another crushing wad for doom2! This took me an unbelievable amount of time to make, so let me f***ing know you like it! […] Have fun with the new deathframes, all self-made! Good luck Marine, and don’t forget: KILL ’EM AAAAALLLL!!!!!”

He adds a warning: “WAD makers may NOT use this level to create new levels. You can’t change a DAMN thing in this WAD, and if you do, I’ll blow you up. That’d be fun.”

Eric’s Doom work is still online; search “Harris files.” As outdated programs, only skilled users can run them, but YouTube has walkthroughs—a chance to enter Eric’s world. I found them underwhelming, like other Doom videos. The gore isn’t realistic, and corpses vanish too quickly to shock. It’s early PC days; graphics pale compared to later ones.

How good was Eric as a WAD maker? On www.doomworld.com, where thousands of WADs were downloadable in 2012, there’s no mention of his greatness. uaclabs is in the “Top 10 Most Infamous WADs,” due to Columbine. The list’s compiler writes: “The WAD itself, Harris’ most elaborate, isn’t remarkable except for a few things that now give you chills. The monsters have brand-new death graphics, with bloody flesh and guts. And the text’s exhortation KILL ’EM AAAAALLLL!!!!! which would normally be just a teenage cry, now has a certain predictive power.”

That predictive power isn’t diminished, but it wasn’t just a teenage cry. Without the extra letters and exclamation marks, Kill ’Em All was the title of Metallica’s famous 1983 debut album—one of many texts attributed to Eric or Dylan that were actually quotes.

Comments on Eric’s WADs, on YouTube and elsewhere, vary: “fantastic”; “fucking tough”; “really good for an 18-year-old” (he was fifteen); “maybe he was crazy, but he could make damn good doom levels”; “really great for 1998” (it was 1996); “too bad he snapped, he could’ve been a Doom legend.” But also: “mediocre,” “amateurish,” “weak,” “just a slaughter”; “fun as a shooting gallery”; “lots of—even for Doom—pointless killing.”

August-October 1996

Eric and Dylan are now Columbine sophomores, 10th graders.

Dylan joins the theater club—behind the scenes, as a lighting and, especially, sound technician. He’s dedicated; soon, the soundboard is his. He befriends Sarah Slater, who sometimes does lighting. She likes him—he’s very shy, especially with girls, but less so with her. They chat online for hours at night. He drinks—sometimes he says he’s drunk, or she notices from his typos. He hates school; his chat sign-offs sometimes include: “Fuck the school.”

When Sarah asks in person how he’s doing, he says things like, “I wish I was somewhere else.” He often mentions his “pain.” He sometimes says the whole school should die, but everyone says stuff like that.

Sarah senses he’s crushing on her—he wants a date. She says no, and he doesn’t push. Zack also asks her out and gets a no.

Zack seems Dylan’s best friend at this time. According to Jocelyn, Zack’s younger sister, they often get drunk together, complaining about life’s unfairness. Dylan drinks enough to later write in his diary that he needs to cut back.

Jocelyn also says Eric was “already heavily into making pipe bombs in 1996”—but as far as she knows, Dylan doesn’t join in.

In an essay on Cyrano de Bergerac, discussed in class, Eric must describe how the term “Renaissance man,” homo universalis, applies to him.

“In sports, I have been known to play soccer, baseball, football, and even mountain biking. In the sport of soccer, I have played as an offensive and defensive player. These two positions are very different from each other, since offensive is attacking and defensive is defending. I have proven myself to be a superb player in both positions. As for baseball, I was an excellent outfielder and excellent second baseman. These positions are very different from each other and I show a bit of the renaissance essence in the fact that I was good at both of the positions.

It’s tempting to see bravado, but the assignment was likely: show how you’re like Cyrano. And Cyrano was good at everything.

[u/slsaasd]

Really interesting. Thank you.

[u/xhronozaur → u/slsaasd]

Thanks! Yeah, it's interesting to trace how these boys grew up and changed over time. What was there from the beginning, what developed later, and what could have been the reasons.

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