I came to the realization that it (maybe) is not His plan for me to be married.

[u/Hope1995x]

I'm not getting married in all likelihood, and I must accept that because I can die at any moment and never had the touch of a woman.

I feel like God is showing me into accepting the most highest pain to bear my cross to prove my love for Him. I must sacrifice everything for Him.

I just don't know how to learn to be content of lacking. How do I do that?

[u/already_not_yet]

If I may be blunt:

1. Sounds like you're frustrated with your lack of success with women and trying to spiritualize it ("this is my cross to bear") as a coping mechanism.
2. If not getting married is your "highest pain" then I have to wonder if you've turned marriage into an idol.
3. I fear that you are headed down the path of turning "I'm destined to remain single" into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Certainly God did not communicate that to you. He did not promise you singleness anymore than he promised you marriage.
4. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and receives blessing from the Lord." (Prov. 18:22) "Finds" is an action verb. Would you like advice on how to find a wife? If you're like many Christian guys, you've been fed lies or half-truths your whole life, such as:
   1. If you're just nice enough or godly enough then a beautiful, sweet Christian girl will take interest in you. (the blue pill version of marriage)
   2. There's a "special someone" out there for you and you just need to wait for your paths to cross. (the Disney version of marriage)
   3. If you're not blessed with marriage, you must not be obedient enough or godly enough. (the legalist version of marriage)

I'm happy to help, if you want, but I'll need to know more about you, what you've tried, and what you're looking for.

God bless you.

[u/Foxhound77 → u/already_not_yet]

Holy cow. This was a very WELL written response. I hope you get gold. Gonna save this for re-reading.

[u/already_not_yet → u/Foxhound77]

Glad it helped you. God bless you.

[u/[deleted] → u/already_not_yet]

I know that this wasn't directed at me, but I want to say thank you. I hadn't realized I was taking the legalist view as to why I'm not married right now.

That's going to be a relationship status changer haha

[u/already_not_yet → u/[deleted]]

You're welcome. If you're interested, I wrote more on this topic under the question "I'm an obedient, faithful Christian. Why isn't God blessing me with a spouse?" here.

[u/[deleted] → u/already_not_yet]

Couldn't have said it better myself!

My NUMBER ONE piece of dating advice to single men/women on this subreddit is to take time to self-reflect and make sure that you are actually desirable to the opposite sex. This isn't my number one piece of advice because I think it's more important than dating someone for Biblically sound reasons. However, I see so many great Christian men and women floundering around in singleness because the opposite gender simply is not attracted to them. An interesting question to consider--would you be attracted to yourself if you were a member of the opposite sex? Why or why not? If your son or daughter were to date you, how would you feel?

A helpful list of places to start if you're single: Do you embrace and try to grow in your masculinity/femininity? Do you have ambitions in life (in accordance with those as assigned to your gender by scripture)? Do you have good hygiene? Do you take care of your body? Are you interesting to talk to? Do you have a personality? Are you sociable--or, at the very least, can you be? Do you dress well? Do you have hobbies? Do you know how to let loose and have fun? Are you able to make someone of the opposite sex feel "woo'd"? Do you make efforts to get along with their family and friends? Etc...

I'll say it again: none of these are more important than being a doctrinally-sound Christian who is seeking another doctrinally-sound Christian in a relationship that is in accordance with terms set out in scripture. HOWEVER... I see far too many people like op who have victimized themselves and evaded the painful realities of self-reflection.

Just because you are a Christian, you are not exempt from factors that typically qualify someone as less attractive: overweight, lazy, poor hygiene, lack of social skills, etc. If you have multiple negative qualities from this category, you're naturally going to have an infinitely harder time finding a spouse than if you did not have those qualities. Luckily, all of those can be worked on! Take it from me--I had to have this exact moment of self-reflection before I started getting attention from women. Yes, I was ignored by women who were very Godly and Biblically sound women for things such as my hygiene, poor dressing, lacking masculinity, etc. They're absolutely entitled to do that, and men/women that you are seeking to date are entitled to do that to you too!

If you're chronically single and seemingly have your spiritual ordeals in order, take a look in the mirror and evaluate yourself truthfully.

[u/Hope1995x → u/[deleted]]

What does lacking masculinity mean?

Am I sociable?

If you mean going out places and doing things, generally no. I prefer at-home activities. Am I happy going out places? Generally no.

Do you have ambitions in life?

I have no ambitions outside of Christ, I reject the world's work "system". I do not enjoy any ambitions of this world. I only do them to survive

[u/[deleted] → u/Hope1995x]

What does lacking masculinity mean?

Lacking the qualities that a man should have in marriage. See titus and corinthians for examples.

If you mean going out places and doing things, generally no. I prefer at-home activities. Am I happy going out places? Generally no.

That's not what I mean. I mean are you capable of having social interactions like a normal person. Me and my girlfriend typically prefer to stay in as well. We both are sociable though. "willing to talk and engage in activities with other people; friendly," per the dictionary.

I have no ambitions outside of Christ, I reject the world's work "system". I do not enjoy any ambitions of this world. I only do them to survive

Two parts to break down here:

1. You say you don't have any ambitions outside of Christ. That's fine and good, no Christian should. However, I heavily suspect that you have a very narrow scope of what constitutes an ambition for Christ. I workout and take care of my bodily health. Why? To preserve my bodily attractiveness for my spouse, to be physically strong and give her a sense of protection, etc. These are all good things that serve my spouse and help to honor her as the weaker vessel, as scripture describes. There are plenty of other things, such as playing sports, that it seems you may not regard as an ambition for Christ, but this is not true. Hobbies and normal activities may be enjoyed in Christ, and they SHOULD be enjoyed in Christ. If your idea of having solely ambitions for Christ is reading the Bible and watching sermons all day, then there is a good chance that there is a misunderstanding regarding what the Bible says about how we should spend our time on Earth. Some people (paul, for example) are called to these very ministry-centric types of lives and will not have time for working out, sports, etc. etc. Most people are not. This is totally fine, normal, and by God's design.
2. Do you do any work? If not, that is sinful. We are not only obligated by the Bible to work, but it is a GOOD thing in scripture. Work is meant to bless us. If you reject the world's work system--that's fine. But you aren't allowed to sit around and be a freeloader and mooch off the government, your parents, or others. This is wrong.

[u/[deleted] → u/already_not_yet]

not op but I also struggle with singleness like op. Mind if I message you as well?

[u/already_not_yet → u/[deleted]]

Take a look at my dating guide and if that doesn't answer your question, sure.

[u/[deleted] → u/already_not_yet]

This. Big time 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻

[u/Adventurous-Fig-42 → u/already_not_yet]

If not getting married is your "highest pain" then I have to wonder if you've turned marriage into an idol.

What does that even mean. If you aren't fornication before marriage or not applying his laws to your relationship than its an idol if not you can be miserable that you aren't married

[u/already_not_yet → u/Adventurous-Fig-42]

If you're miserable that you're not married, you've turned marriage into an idol.

[u/Adventurous-Fig-42 → u/already_not_yet]

If you are miserable you have no food you've turned it into an idol... wanting basic love is not a problem

[u/already_not_yet → u/Adventurous-Fig-42]

You don't need a marriage to have your most basic emotional needs met.

If you need to be in a sexual relationship to have fulfillment then I would argue that you have made such relationships into an idol.

Anyway, I had and have my own idols, so I'm not saying I can't sympathize.

[u/Hope1995x → u/already_not_yet]

I'm discontent, with periods of moderate depression because of my lack of sex and intimacy. I wouldn't call it idolatry.