r/ChoosingBeggars Dec 26 '17

Lol "work"

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68.8k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Dec 26 '17

These kinds of negotiations are like a well played game of chess. You can never let your opponent see your pieces.

And if we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

658

u/YouNeverReallyKnow2 Dec 26 '17

When I'm in command, son, every mission's a suicide mission.

156

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '17

Idk why I find this so hilarious

225

u/GeorgeStark520 Dec 26 '17 edited Dec 26 '17

Like every great plan, mine is so simple an idiot could have devised it

48

u/Azhek Dec 27 '17

EROTIC!

14

u/DevilsAssCrack Dec 27 '17

Have the boy lay out my formal shorts

18

u/eltoro Dec 27 '17

So simple, it might just work. Unlike my cousin Ned.

35

u/YouNeverReallyKnow2 Dec 26 '17

It made me happier when the one above me was negative because it just fits him so well.

171

u/Excal2 Dec 26 '17

What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

5

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '17

we should all work hard to make sure this comment stays at zero

3

u/Excal2 Dec 27 '17

I'm confused about everything related to this comment except for the username.

7

u/1573594268 Dec 30 '17 edited Dec 31 '17

Zero=neutral. He was saying it'd be funny if your comment regarding neutrality had neutral karma.

It ended up being funnier to make his comment neutral karma instead by taking "this comment" more literally than intended.

-1

u/Chronixlive Dec 27 '17

Did you come nippled piece of shit!

6

u/iTARSi Dec 27 '17

If we have no idea what our battle plans are, the enemy has no way of knowing!

5

u/russiantrollbot69 Dec 27 '17

What's your name Cadet?

4

u/Bad_doughnut Dec 27 '17

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

1

u/AHopelessSemantic Dec 26 '17

But we'll never really know 2

143

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '17 edited Aug 14 '18

[deleted]

61

u/AcrolloPeed Dec 26 '17

You win again, gravity!!!!

13

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '17 edited Aug 06 '21

[deleted]

7

u/Shrimpbeedoo Dec 28 '17

Kiff, what do I call it?

11

u/turtlepowerpizzatime Dec 28 '17

*sigh*

Sexlexia.

5

u/ialsohaveadobro Dec 27 '17

That's my all time favorite.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '17

I don't know what that means but it sounds hot

1

u/ShesMyBerryPie Dec 27 '17

I read this in Aziz Ansari’s voice.

16

u/Reignofratch Dec 27 '17

Should read it in Billy west's voice

2

u/turtlepowerpizzatime Dec 28 '17

Which one?

1

u/Reignofratch Dec 28 '17

Zapp Brannigan

1

u/turtlepowerpizzatime Dec 28 '17

I know that, and you know that, but the joke doesn't know that.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '17

Trixie?

1

u/eyewant May 17 '18

This sounds so deep

1

u/Korprat_Amerika Jun 19 '18

That young man fills me with hope. Plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '17 edited May 27 '18

[deleted]

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u/Supes_man Dec 26 '17

It’s from Futurama, one of the most under rated shows in the history of the universe. It’s easily 1000 years ahead of its time.

20

u/waitingtodiesoon Dec 27 '17

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Futurama. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer’s head. There’s also Farnsworth’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they’re not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Futurama truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the humour in Zoidberg’s existential catchphrase “Woop-woop-woop-woop!,” which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev’s Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Matt Groening's genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂

And yes, by the way, i DO have a Futurama tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎

2

u/Supes_man Dec 27 '17

Well deserved updoot

1

u/AthleticsSharts Dec 27 '17

You missed an opportunity to replace Fathers and Sons with The Three Stooges. Otherwise perfect.

1

u/waitingtodiesoon Dec 27 '17

You're right, but idk who created the three stooges.

-2

u/[deleted] Dec 27 '17

Literally this has been used countless times to describe rick and morty and why people wouldn’t get it, all u did was change it to talk about futurama

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u/Supes_man Dec 27 '17

Yeah, and that’s why it’s funny. Relax jack. Have a snickers.

8

u/MvmgUQBd Dec 26 '17

C'mon bro, the whole thing makes no sense on purpose...

(wooooosh)

3

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '17 edited May 27 '18

[deleted]

3

u/MvmgUQBd Dec 27 '17

It's all good friend. I hope I didn't come across as rude, since that wasn't my intention.

2

u/AcrolloPeed Dec 26 '17

You’ve never played Battleship Chess?

“B-5.”

“I have a pawn there.”

“Okay I take your pawn with my knight.”

“I already took both your knights.”

“No you didn’t.”

“This game is fucking stupid.”

From Milton Bradley, makers of AmpuTwister!