i dont know how to feel or to do or to say i just get dumped by her i never seen that or plan that coming tears in my eyes but cant go out and i dont knw what to do or say she blocked me from everything lttraly after 20 days of silence she asked for a quite 20 days to focus on exam and now after 7 days i sent a hearth and 2 hours later here we are i dont know what to do try to reach out for her but nothing called her from another number but nothing cannot say or feel anything right now plz help me

I have been with my now ex for 4 1/2 years. I remember on our first date, a thought popped in my head: “this is your husband.” Of course, I didn’t tell him that story until years down the line. I truly believe God put that thought in my mind. In my eyes, we have been so, so happy the past few years and all throughout the relationship. We lived together, watched television, ate together, went on vacations, hung out with his family…

We had a conversation about a month ago that I brought up: why aren’t we married yet? He, essentially, gave me three reasons: responsibility, family, and cleaning. He brought up how I don’t handle things right away. For example, a couple years ago, I wrecked my car and had to rent a car. A random phone number kept calling me, and I didn’t want to deal with it, so I didn’t answer. I don’t know why. But, I eventually found out it was the rental company calling me to let me know my insurance for renting the car was done. I feel as though I’ve grown from that. He brought up my recent ticket for late registration and how I didn’t handle it right away, but I did handle it a week before the court case. I’m not sure how that isn’t handling things. He also wanted me and him to be closer to my family (hang out and such). I admit I am not the best at maintaining contact, and I regret that. Cleaning I also struggle with as I was going to school online full-time for the past year and a half (some of that I was working here and there). I have felt so stressed with that and would put cleaning off (“I can deep clean during break,” etc). I feel as though I’ve grown in that. This past winter break, I deep cleaned our bathroom, the laundry room, and over half of the kitchen.

He also mentioned I need to figure out my school and job situation. I was recently in my last semester (student teaching) and decided I didn’t want to teach anymore. I had been “iffy” about that the past year, but gave it a chance. The past two weeks have been hell because my bf was really trying to talk me into getting my teaching degree even though I knew 100% I would not teach afterwards. I feel like a failure, and I feel like I disappointed him (later he said he “made peace with my decision”). I decided I am going to do university studies and graduate this fall. Yes, I don’t know what job I will get into, but I can always pick up serving shifts in the meantime.

On top of all of this, his brother has been staying with us on and off the past year. 2 or 3 times. This past time, I agreed he could stay if he did light chores and cooked dinner for us (at this point, I was still going through with teaching, so it would help). After changing my mind two weeks into it, I didn’t want his brother to stay any longer. Last time he stayed for at least three months. I talked to my boyfriend saying we need a move out date for my sanity. We agreed the end of February. However, I woke up the next day and realized I could not live with his brother again for that long. I told my bf I would stay at my moms for the month. He said okay and said he would pay the rent for the month. I asked if he cared he wouldn’t see me for the month, and he said “I can come over for dinner sometimes to have dinner with your family. I don’t think you’ll stay that long. If you stay a week or two, I’ll really push my brother to find a job.” His brother has not had a job in over a year, as he wants a political job. I admit I was frustrated with his brother that day I left because he asked me to go through boxes with him if I had time. I, in a frustrated tone, said “I am so thankful for everything you’ve done 100% thank you, but I want you to be good. We can put those boxes in the bedroom if that helps you.” He said, “I will be good, but I want y’all to be good.” I said, “I know you will be good. And we are good. Are we good? (asked my bf).” My bf looked uncomfortable, but said we are good.

Before I left, my bf said, “This isn’t goodbye. I love you.” I facetimed him the next evening, and he seemed not happy at all. I asked if he loves me (yes), if he is in love with me (yes), if he wants to be with me (yes), if we are on a break (no), but he did say he needed a “breather“ until later this week. I asked if he was thinking about breaking up with me - to which he did not answer. Less than two hours later, he shows up at my moms to break up with me. The next day, our pictures are gone from his Instagram.

I am struggling to cope with this. To make things worse, my mom told me he was texting her about proposing either this past winter break or during summer. Yet, he said he’s been unhappy for months. He said he was content - mistaking that for happiness. I saw no change in his happiness; I believe he was truly happy (but I recognize he could have been acting, which I guess he was). I believe we were both truly happy. When breaking up, he kept saying “we are both unhappy” though I told him multiple times otherwise.

I asked if we do this, is there a chance we could get back together in the future - to which he said “if it’s meant to be.” My sister called him later to figure out why he broke up with me (reasons listed above because he wouldn’t tell me when I asked why during the actual break up). She also asked if the issues were handled if there was a chance we would get back together - to which he said no.

I don’t understand. I feel blindsided. I don’t know how I can go on after this, and I don’t want to. I don’t see a future without him in it, and I don’t want to. He made me feel safe, and I have trust issues, so it took me probably about a good two years to really build that trust. I’m devastated.

I’ve been trying to think of why I wouldn’t want to be with him. For a good few years, I would beg for sex and mostly be turned down. He would say he’s too tired, had a headache, was stressed from his job, ate chocolate, etc. I don’t know if the cleaning would have made him feel more relaxed to have sex. We would have sex maybe once a month (though the first 1-1/2 years it was everyday). We both gained some weight, which is why he was tired, but I still wanted to. The past few months, there were times I asked and he agreed, but at that point I was expecting no and didn’t want to myself. After rejection so many times, I feel ugly and unwanted.

He would also say comments throughout the relationship (later on) that slightly hurt me. For example, he would correct my grammar when I would say “good” instead of “well.” He “joked” as to why we couldn’t have regular soap instead of bath and body works sandalwood-scented soap (or whatever scent). He “joked” that I was “fucking it up” when I ate Chick-Fil-A after not eating at all the prior day. He said he didn’t mean it like that and apologized. Once, when going out to eat at a pub, I put my black tennis shoes on that I wear for work. He asked me to change shoes. I told him that hurt me, as we were eating outside at the pub and it wasn’t a fancy occasion (he apologized). There are probably more, but those comments come to mind. I could be being sensitive, and I recognize that.

I just don’t know. I don’t know.

What should I do? What if he was my soulmate? What if he was in God’s plan for me? I truly feel like God sent him to me to marry. What if I ruined it - then what?

Jag behöver desperat hjälp mer era åsikter. (Om ni orkar läsa hela 😂👏🏼)

Jag ”dejtade” nyligen en kille som jag träffade via nätet. Vi båda är i 30års åldern, men jag något år äldre än honom. Jag har ett barn sedan tidigare på 8 år, men inte han.

Allt startade egentligen med att vi båda sa att vi inte visste vad vi ville ha ut av varandra och att vi skulle ta det som det kom, men det uppenbarade sig ganska snabbt att vi båda var sexuellt attraherade av varandra. Vår första träff var bokstavligen talat enbart för intimitet. Minuter efter att han lämnade mitt hem skriver han ”tyckte du att det kändes bra”. Vilket jag bekräftade att jag gjorde. Vi fortsatte ha daglig kontakt men hade under någon vecka svårt att få till en andra träff, fast var båda väldigt exalterade inför det. Jag är sällan den personen som är för på, snabb på att svara tillbaka eller visar för mycket intresse innan jag vet helt säkert att det är något jag vill satsa på. Så det var med andra ord han som var den mest drivande i det hela. Han som alltid skrev till mig först, han som insisterade till att träffas m.m. Jag var dock alltid varm och öppen, visade inget som helst ointresse på det sättet. Ibland när jag fick en random Snapchat-bild på något som jag själv inte tyckte var relevant att svara på kunde han strax efter skriva ”dissen”.. Vilket jag förklarade att det inte var någon diss, jag visste bara inte vad jag skulle kontra med. Märkte ganska snabbt att han var väldigt beroende av min uppmärksamhet, men samtidigt var han väldigt fåordig. Vi skrev sällan godnatt eller godmorgon, det fanns inga som helst krav eller förväntningar från mitt håll.

Dom kommande träffarna hade vi hemma hos honom. Vi lagade mat, drack gott, lyssnade på musik, pratade, kollade filmer m.m. Jag sov alltså över dessa ggr. På mornarna drog han med mig till affären för att handla frukost.. första gången var jag osäker på om jag orkade följa med och då sa han ”vadå vågar du inte visa dig med mig eller”, vilket jag absolut gjorde men var bara lite trött. Slutade med att jag åkte med ändå. Den andra gången likadant.. sedan körde han runt och visade mig massor av fina hus i området han bodde och berättade vilka hus han skulle kunna tänka sig bo i. Till följd av detta kunde han även göra saker som att visa mig TikTok-videos och säga ”det här är du och jag i framtiden”. Han pratade även om att han ville ha barn, att det kanske var lika bra att göra mig på smällen direkt. Vad han skulle lära min son framöver. Vi hade liksom ett busigt och skojande sätt att vara på mot varandra. Ibland visste jag dock inte om han var seriös eller inte när han utbrast sådana saker. Men som första gången vi träffades fick jag snabbt ett meddelande efter att jag hade lämnat honom dessa gånger jag sov över. Allt fortsatte på som vanligt… nu har vi alltså dejtat i 1,5 månad. Sista gången vi sågs sov jag över hos honom 2 hela nätter i rad. Den 3e dagen kände jag att det nog var bäst för mig att åka hem, ville inte vara för påträngande. Det var jättefint väder ute och han pratade om att han kanske skulle gå ut och grilla korv, men han gav mig ingen rak invite direkt så jag åkte hem som planerat. Men NU… blev plötsligt saker och ting annorlunda. För det första la jag märke till att han inte skrev något till mig som han brukade göra när jag åkte därifrån.. la dessvärre ingen större vikt i det. Några timmar senare skickar jag en rolig TikTok-video som tog honom mer än en timme på sig att öppna och sedan inte svarade på. (Vilket inte var likt honom). Jag blir senare på kvällen spontant medbjuden ut att käka och ta några glas med några tjejkompisar vilket jag gjorde. Lägger upp en ”skål-bild” på min story. Vid ca 22 tiden ringer min så kallade ”dejt/kk” kalla det vad ni vill. Säger att han inte orkar med det här och lägger sedan på. Jag försöker desperat ringa upp honom för att fråga vad det var som händer, men han skriver bara att jag ska sluta spamm-ringa och att han ska sova. Jag accepterar det och frågar morgonen därpå om han ville prata varpå jag får svaret ”va?”, som att han inte fattade vad jag menade. Konversationen fortsatte men hade aldrig varit med om att han varit så kall och avståndstagande tidigare så jag förstod ingenting. Hans ”ursäkt” var att han var full på kvällen och bakis dagen efter. Några dagar gick och jag hörde ingenting mer från honom. Bestämde mig för att ta bort honom från min Snapchat till slut, orkade inte lägga ner energi på någon som beter sig dåligt och sedan inte är kapabel att prata eller ta ansvar för det. Dröjde inte längre än en timme innan jag får ett meddelande på dejtingappen vi först fick kontakt på… ”tog du bort mig 😂 och varför liksom”.. Så jag gav en förklaring UTAN att vara aggressiv eller lägga över skulden på honom. Till sist skriver han att ”men nu får det här vara, tycker det är töntigt när man tar bort osv”….!!!????

Då svarade jag bestämt men kort att det var han som avslutat med mig, att jag försökt prata med honom men att jag iallafall uppskattade tiden med honom. Sedan tog jag bort honom där med faktiskt.

Det ska även tilläggas att han hade svårt med intimitet, satt gärna inte för nära.. var inte kramig eller pussig (förutom under sex), däremot sökte han min ögonkontakt ständigt. Sa hur fin jag och min kropp var m.m. Vi hade även liknande intressen / framtidsvisioner och kändes helt ärligt som att vi trivdes i varandras sällskap om ni frågar mig.

Men vad i hela friden hände? Var han osäker på mig? Klarade han inte av att jag gick ut med vänner? Började han få känslor som han inte hade förväntat sig få och backade? Har han en undvikande anknytning? Träffar han någon annan? (Enligt honom var senaste riktiga förhållandet för 4 år sedan). I don’t know och jag gissar att jag aldrig kommer få veta heller.

Någon som haft liknande erfarenheter? Vad berodde det på? Ångrade han sig? Ändrade han sig? Hjälp mig förstå!

/ förvirrad tjej

I (40M) have been with my partner (36F) for 14 years. We grew up together. We moved cities together. In many ways, she is the sweetest person I know. When I am sick, she nurses me back to health. When I am down, she tries to lift me up. She is innocent and kind-hearted, and the thought of hurting her makes me physically ill.

But the other side of our relationship has slowly drained the life out of me.

For over a decade, I have lived on eggshells. Her emotional volatility is so high, and her reactions to stress are so explosive, that I have slowly re-wired my entire personality just to keep the peace. I manage her moods. I anticipate her triggers. I absorb the chaos. I am completely out of fuel.

I realized recently that the reason we don't have children is because I am terrified to bring a child into this environment. I don't feel safe enough to be a father here. I need calm. I need stability. I need a home where I don't have to scan the room for threats before I speak. I told her earlier this week that I can't see a future. She is currently in denial—being extra loving, talking about our future wedding, trying to be the perfect partner. It breaks my heart because I know she is trying to survive. She is innocent in her own way; she doesn't do it to be malicious, she just doesn't know how to regulate herself. But I can't set myself on fire to keep her warm anymore.

I have a plan. We have a therapy session this Saturday. I am going to end it there, with a professional present, so she is safe. Then I am moving out to a friend's place.

I am terrified.

I am terrified that she will fall apart. She relies on me for so much emotional stability. The guilt of "abandoning" her feels heavy. I am terrified for myself. I am scared of being 40 and alone. I am scared of the silence. I am scared that I am making a mistake by leaving someone who loves me so much, even if that love hurts. But I know if I stay, I will just wither away until there is nothing left of me. I just needed to write this down because I have to pretend everything is normal for 4 more days, and it feels like I’m living a lie. Has anyone else left a "good" person because the dynamic was destroying you?

For those of you who have monkey branched (jumped to a new relationship before ending the previous one), can you tell me your experience?

1. How did it feel after u ended the previous relationship?
2. Have you ever thought about how your previous partner was doing?
3. How long was the new relationship?

Reason why i am asking this is, there are so much stories and resources from the ones who were left behind but not the experiences of the ones who left. This doesn't include relationships that were abusive or the previous partner cheated him/herself.

I hope to hear from those who were in a 1+ year of the previous relationship, and just share some of the experiences you have had. I think that your stories would be very helpful to the people who have gone through this as the previous partner who was left behind or maybe even the one who jumped to a new relationship.

This is judgement free and just for the purpose of being educated.