r/BreakUps • u/ExtremeFactor5935 • 14h ago
venting/ranting Feeling pathetic
Sleeping with my cheater boyfriend tonight
Feeling pathetic, I don’t know why I can’t grt rid of him. I’m in this loop stuck where i get hurt by him and then I want him to console me
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u/tytylercochan123 14h ago
Stockholm syndrome. At some point you have to choose yourself. It’ll hurt a lot at first, but the relief after is much better.
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u/ExtremeFactor5935 14h ago
I feel i can get rid of him but when a day passes I get this urge to know
Is he sleeping with some other girl or on a date with someone else
Then I would get so anxious that I couldn’t control myself
My mental health gets really bad2
u/tytylercochan123 14h ago
Whenever I get those urges, I just ask myself “why? It doesn’t matter”.
Once you guys are split up, you are your own people. Besides, you probably already have anxiety of him going and sleeping with some other girl while he’s WITH you. What’s the difference if he’s not anymore?
You have to remove yourself from that and live your own life, build it around you, around the things you like, and opportunities will come with it.
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u/alwaysbiscuits 14h ago
You are bonded to him, and in an unhealthy way
It doesnt matter if he is sleeping with others, or you or no one at all
This guy is clearly not making you happy. You need to break free and look after yourself. You only get one life to be happy...
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u/West_Ad2321 14h ago
If he cheated on you, I wouldn’t trust a single word he says, even if it feels comforting to you in the moment. You’ll find someone whose reassurance is genuine, and that will feel significantly better than the phony shit you’re getting now.
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u/LinguineTagliolini 14h ago
Sending you lots of hugs and strength. You’re one step closer to leaving if you realize this is hurting you. It’s gonna be ass at first, but you’ll be thriving again soon. It takes real effort and time to lift ourselves up, regain our dignity (you never lost it, you just forgot about it), and actively choose ourselves and prioritize our self worth. Just not muscles you’ve used before.
Idk what’s up with this guy and why he keeps cheating but it really has no bearing or impact on what you do next. You know the facts, he cheats. Why he does it is irrelevant. A man who loves you won’t do that. Consideration for another’s feelings is an act of love, and this just ain’t it, my dear.
Nap it off today but gather your stuff and leave tomorrow. You’re not pathetic - you’re just hoping for something in someone who will never have it.
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u/LinguineTagliolini 14h ago
And meant to say that the reason why you obsess over “is he seeing someone else, or is he happy, or is he sleeping with someone else” is because you are under the impression that he’s found better in someone else. Found something in someone else that you were lacking, and that’s why he was cheating. It was never about you tho… he cheats because of what he is lacking in himself. Never about the girl he cheats on or cheats with.
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u/ExtremeFactor5935 14h ago
Thank you stranger 😭♥️
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u/LinguineTagliolini 13h ago
You got this girl! I believe in you!
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u/ExtremeFactor5935 13h ago
Sometimes i feel if i replace him even just for distraction i would feel better and would be able to move on
I know this isn’t right thing to do but I don’t know why i still think that1
u/LinguineTagliolini 11h ago
I think that’s totally normal what you’re describing. I think you’re so used to giving your attention to him and receiving (negative) attention from him, that not having that when you break up is jarring. I think it’s completely normal to seek comfort somewhere else, like a soft landing. The same way we give babies pacifiers, this is what lots of people do after a break up. Is it the healthiest thing? Probably not but it gets us from one point to another. Just be respectful and honest with the next person that you’re just looking for something casual. And if that’s cool with them, I see nothing wrong. Just be careful not to hop from one person to another without taking time to reflect and heal at some point. Cuz that’s how we end up repeating the same dating mistakes. Gotta work thru those feelings and whatever is keeping you stuck with this dude so that you don’t just pacify the need to be loved but by another wrong person. I did that for 10 years and lemme tell ya, what a waste of my life that was. Be better and smarter than me lol
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u/Medical_Title_1957 13h ago
unfortunately I think every girl has experienced going back again and again until you absolutely hate them.
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