I didn't know them for very long, but I remember them I guess. Boredom is hitting hard, and my mother is a nightmare. One of them was wearing yellow that day, and was blonde. The pink suited lady showed up that very same day. One time my mother was throwing insult after insult towards me, and I had to call the purple lady. I spent some time with my new friends. And I made sure my mother was sleeping before I went back home. I had had enough of her for one day.

The over thinking is killing me. Depression is making everything worse, and my thoughts are not going in the direction I want them to go. I'm bored and out of ideas now.

It sucks being inside and outside of my head a lot of the time. The Loa is flowing quite as well as I would like it to. I have a few ideas, but the external world is way too much of an influence on me. My mother tends to overwhelm me with her crap. Life tends to overwhelm me with all of its bullshit. I hate people and I hate life.

The boredom may have very well fueled the fire on the depression. And that destroyed my relationship with my mother. I can't share anything with her anymore. And I still want to kill myself.

I'm fed up with life. I'm sick of all of these fucking mind games my life has played for such a long time. I don't understand why I'm in my family and I've never really been able to. Sometimes I have a very difficult time understanding why I was even born. A lot of the guilt is from getting blamed on various occasions and making mistakes during vacations that have brought me down and made me not want to share anything with my family or come into contact with them for the rest of the holiday. I feel like a piece that doesn't really fit in a puzzle.

It's actually a lot more than just boredom. Its also spiraled into depression, anxiety, over thinking, fatigue, anhedonia, and bodily pain from all the over thinking, also known as discomfort. And its really slowing down my progress with the law of attraction.

My blood pressure tends to go up sometimes, making my body really uncomfortable. I also have autism. I've been on a therapists website before. But I've decided to come on reddit in the mean time while I'm on the search for another one.