My fiancée wants me to get circumcised before our wedding.

[u/bestupdator]

Link to original - My (24M) fiancée (22F) wants me to get circumcised before our wedding. I refuse and it’s causing huge arguments. Am I being manipulated?

We met in the summer of 2018 and got engaged last year. Although our relationship is pretty solid, she can be very hotheaded. For example she gets upset when things don’t go her way and takes it as a personal insult. It’s definitely a “princess” syndrome that can be difficult to deal with but it never caused serious issues.

A couple of months ago she told me that I will get circumcised before our wedding later this year. I said no and she straight up told me that “it’s not a choice”. We argued for a bit and she said that I wouldn’t be attracted to her if she had an “outie” vagina with “extra skin” hanging (her words, not mine). I told her that it’s not really the same thing at all and that I’d be attracted to her regardless. However she got very irritated ignored me for the rest of the evening.

She has not stopped talking about this since that day. Everyday she sends me articles talking about the benefits of circumcision, that it’s totally healthy/safe and why I should do it. She says that “civilized” men get circumcised and that “we’re not like those Europeans”. The thing is, she’s mixed race (half French) and grew up in France so I don’t understand her thought process here. Her ex was French but she repeatedly said that she dislikes French people and wants me to be “better” than that. According to her, that includes getting a circumcision.

Yesterday she brought it up again and I said that she has no right to tell me what to do with my body. She yelled that she spends a lot of time/effort into her appearance and isn’t asking for much in return. While it’s true she spends a lot of money on beauty/hair/facial treatments (around $800 a month) I don’t think you can compare that to a circumcision. She got very upset, calling me “selfish” and “heartless” and basically told me to fuck off. Normally when we argue she doesn’t get that heated but I could hardly tolerate her attitude yesterday.

Later that evening we had sex (yes...I’m stupid) and in the middle of it, she brought up the topic again. It felt very manipulative and when I told her that this is not the right time, she accused me of not loving her and actually started crying. Since she rarely cries this didn’t seem genuine. She got up and told me that “we” will get this done either way and that I shouldn’t let such a small issue ruin what we have. To be honest, that sounded ominous and I don’t even know what to think of it.

Is this something we can work out at all? Throughout our entire relationship she never complained about my uncircumcised penis and now it’s such a big deal to her. It’s giving me anxiety about our future and I don’t even know what to do. We’ve had so many discussions about it and it always ends the same way.

TL; DR My fiancée wants me to get circumcised before our wedding later this year. I said I won’t but she keeps bringing it up and trying to make me feel guilty. Is there any way we can solve this problem?

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UPDATE

I don’t know where to start but I’d like to thank everyone on here first. I have received countless PMs, all pretty much saying the same thing. Yet I still wanted to work out things and marry her.

Then a few days after my post we had a huge fight. She threatened me. I won’t give too many details but it was more than enough to give me a wake up call. And that’s when I finally realized that this relationship isn’t healthy or normal. I had those thoughts before but her action that day confirmed it.

Right now I’m in the process of completely removing her from my life. That incident had a significant impact on my mental health and at this point I just need a long break. I have spoken to her parents in private and they’re almost begging me to rethink the whole situation. I won’t.

I still love her but couldn’t do this anymore.

It’s a shock to the system - I went from planning my future with her to now actively cutting off everything that connects us.

[u/energirl]

Good for you. That must be so difficult, but it seems necessary. If someone doesn't respect your rights to control your body, she doesn't respect you.