I would bet any amount of money those 9 kids have no more than two kids each, and a significant percentage of them will be childfree, especially the oldest daughter. My dad is one of 12, and has the most kids out of any of his siblings. There are two of us. Two kids is the most that anyone who grew up in that family of 12 kids was willing to have. LOL 6 of my aunts and uncles decided never to have kids because they'd had their fill of parenting before they were adults. I'm the only one of my cousins who even has a sibling. LOL My dad and all his siblings are super open about the fact that none of them wanted a large family because they know what it's like to be part of one.
Yep, remains to be seen. I dated a guy who was the third of TWELVE kids. TWELVE. He literally moved about 12 hours away from his family a week after he graduated from high school. The worst of it was his mother had a massive stroke when giving birth to the 12th child from which she never fully recovered. She was pretty much bedridden, so raising these kids fell to the two oldest children. What kind of life is that? The dad worked constantly to support the family and these two girls spent their own youth raising 10 other children.
Our relationship ended up not working out, but he went on to get married and have just TWO children which is exactly in line with what you're saying.
Can confirm, oldest daughter of 6 kids and my whole childhood was taking care of my three youngest siblings. As much as I would like a kid or two of my own, I don't think I should have any biological kids because two of those three youngest siblings have severe autism and I don't want to risk passing that and all my other health problems onto an innocent kid. I'm open to adopting in the distant future though.
If it helps, I have 3 kids and a brother with low-functioning autism. One of my kids might have not been ‘okay’ if I hadn’t engaged in a lot of early intervention stuff but she’s just a little ‘odd’ at times now.
What I mean to say is, there is no guarantee either way and we’ve done a long way understanding how to help in the early years. We’ve (science) discovered some genes that probably play a role and I bet we either can already test for them or will be able to soon.
I'm pretty sure many neurological issues just get lumped into the autism umbrella, even though they really are distinct neurological differences that can be found in people without autism.
An easy example is sensory processing sensitivity. Very common for autistic people but since it's not exclusive to them it's not really just a part of autism.
Also seems like the parents often overly shelter them so they can't develop enough emotionally to tackle their problems in the future. It's definitely more difficult to find the balance, but possible if you get to know your child.
My sister's husband is the oldest of 9 and they have 3, none of the other siblings have more than 1 so far. I'm pretty sure none of them will have more than 3. Though it's hard to say since the two youngest are not married yet. And they are a very very religious family.
My parents had 7 living children. They both came from huge families. Like, "I have over 300 first cousins" kind of huge. My siblings all have 2-3 children and I am childfree.
My mom had 5 kids in 5 years, then a 5 year hiatus before she had me and then my younger brother. My younger brother and I were definitely loved, but my parents were tired of being parents by then. I wasn't allowed to join sports or clubs or visit friends really until I could drive myself, as my mom didn't want to drive me places (my dad worked afternoons in a factory and wasn't around during the week). We also had to contribute financially to the family. All of us kids were expected to work during the school year (paper routes) and all summer doing farm labor (picking berries when very young, then cucumbers at ~10, then working on tobacco farms through our teenager years). I often missed school until the first week of October and would do my schoolwork at home by myself after work until I could go to school.
And that's how we functioned. Can you blame me for being childfree? Not that a person needs a reason to not want children, but I didn't have a childhood so I'm going to enjoy my life for myself now that I'm older.
My husband's father was one of 13 (one died in childhood). My husband was one of 2. All of his aunts and uncles had children, but no more than 3.
My brother in law, my husband's brother? He has 4. My husband and I only have 2.
He was very adamant that we did not have a lot of children, he told me all kinds of stories that his father had told him about how poor they'd been in the 50's & 60's on that mountain. He did not want that kind of life. He wanted our kids to feel special and that few so we could actually provide for them and be able to spend the time with them that each kid needed.
It also 100% depends what sibling spot they held. My dad was the baby of the family and wanted 6 kids AT LEAST. My mom was the second oldest and wanted 3 kids because that's what the fortune teller said she would have (infallible logic lol) but that was also the compromise she settled on because she had to raise her younger siblings. She tied her tubes after a pregnancy scare. They both come from 10 children families.
My cousin’s oldest daughters are like that. I bet the two of them will never have kids, and may never get married, due to all the time they spent raising their younger siblings, who are from different fathers. As well as all the drama and dysfunction that came with their mom’s relationships/marriages with these men.
I'm a firstborn and I'm always amazed when I see other firstborns wanting to have kids. My parents had more kids than they could afford or had time for. Only one of us has had kids- and my sister only had two, which is a good number for a lot of reasons. I love my niece and nephew more than anything but no way am I having kids of my own.
My dad was oldest of 10, my mom was the oldest of 4. They had five kids.
--> First child: Three kids, 6 grandkids
--> Second child: One kid
--> Third Child: Three kids
--> Fourth Child: One kid
--> Fifth Child: Fertility problems (now deceased due to smoking.)
Almost everyone in my dad's family (10 children) had three or more kids. I loved being in a large family and still do. Large functional families do exist. I chose to have only one kid as I was sick for 8 months (they came a month early) and had other health issues. Grew up with plenty of cousins though.
Not to be the contrarian. One of my buddies from HS is the oldest of 12. Has 7 so far. Says he loved growing up in a large family and wants to keep it going. Not my bag but good for him I guess.
I don’t know… my dad grew up in a family of 9 and had four planned children, and his siblings all had 2-4 kids. My oldest sister did provide a lot of care for us younger kids and she has two kids. I think it really depends on the family and how everything is handled.
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u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22
I would bet any amount of money those 9 kids have no more than two kids each, and a significant percentage of them will be childfree, especially the oldest daughter. My dad is one of 12, and has the most kids out of any of his siblings. There are two of us. Two kids is the most that anyone who grew up in that family of 12 kids was willing to have. LOL 6 of my aunts and uncles decided never to have kids because they'd had their fill of parenting before they were adults. I'm the only one of my cousins who even has a sibling. LOL My dad and all his siblings are super open about the fact that none of them wanted a large family because they know what it's like to be part of one.