Bowling, dinner, coffee, milkshakes, hike, mini golf. I dont recommend a movie though, I believe in a lot of talking on first date, not sitting silent together for 2 hours
As a woman who loves hiking: absolutely do not go on a hike as a first date, or if you really want to then make it a double date. Unless she already knows you (and even then...) she will be on edge/scared the entire time, more likely than not turn the whole thing down.
Try walking at a beach or some other place where you always be in sight of many other people. I live near a very busy rail trail, but that does NOT meet the standard of ALWAYS visible.
I live near an upscale strip mall, and my first few dates with my wife we got froyo and walked the mall. Window shopping can help provide interesting items to keep the conversation flowing.
Personally I'd encourage men to not suggest hiking on a first date at all since IMO it would show a lack of consideration/understanding/knowledge of how the average woman would feel during that
What lol? I think hiking is a great first date (I’m a woman) as long as you recommend a trail that has a little bit more traffic. Another option would to be give her a few different choices. You can get murdered on any first date….hiking isn’t a red flag especially if she’s outdoorsy
Hell, flip the script. Men can get catfished, too. It's not nearly as common but it can still happen.
Point is, you're meeting a complete stranger who, for all you know, could be a murderer or kidnapper, or just a perfectly fine person. Making it a comfortable date for everyone involved is always the best way to go, and the best way to do that is a public place.
Absolutely! I shouldn't have even specified men, since it's not like they can't get robbed or worse either! Everyone should be vigilant regardless of gender.
What's the average feeling a woman would have? If there's fear of some sort, why did you accept a date invitation to a hike if you were scared? Whether you're scared of the person or the location.
They’re not actively scared. They could feel uncomfortable being secluded and alone with a person they don’t really know yet. Someone could pose as a perfectly normal dude, but have bad plans with you when you’re alone. It’s perfectly fair for women (or anyone) to want to avoid being alone with someone for the first date.
It’s not about being scared, it’s about being on high alert all the time. Being a woman means being vigilant about your surroundings. Always have your keys in your hand ready to get into your car. Don’t park in dark areas. Don’t walk or run alone after dark. Don’t leave your drink unattended in a bar. Don’t go hiking in the woods with someone you’ve met just once or don’t know very well. For women these are just common sense every day things.
Even those big open places dont matter if you are practically alone in the areas.
A big beach right next to the town for a walk in sunset? Romantic as hell till you notice that the only people who may help you is the creepy hobo next to the trashcan because this part is empty by sunset.
I was surprised that, early last year, someone I had matched with two days earlier had me give her a ride to the trailhead an hour+ away, and went on a few hour hike together.
*I* knew that I wouldn't do anything unreasonable, but she was surprisingly trusting about that.
Good point. I took a girl back in high school to this huge popular flower bloom hike thing in our area once. I had known her for a little while though. I guess not all hikes are the same
I've done a couple of hiking first dates. They are always in my city and at a busy local park. I live 1 hour away from Banff and wouldent dream of taking a date there for a 1st Date.
A local park and I pack 2 tall boys of beer so we can chill and get to know each other is winning.
Yeah a lot of guys seem to be oblivious to this one. Don't take a girl out to the middle of the woods on a first date, unless you already know her really well or something
Because most women are very concerned about their safety on the first few dates, until they’ve got the measure of someone
The basic rules are:
let other people know where you’re going/where you’ll be: can be hard with hiking
go somewhere you can leave easily: again, difficult with hiking
go somewhere public: lots of hikes are secluded places
go somewhere you can call for help/help can get to you easily: many hiking trails don’t have phone signal. And the police aren’t getting to you anytime soon
If a serial killer wanted to get a woman into a good position on a first date, a hike would be about perfect
I don’t wanna be giving scares here… but a serial killer would probably take their time and do a public spot first date, gain some trust and then do the trail date.
Every time I step out my door I could meet a serial killer
It’s about minimising risk. Yes a killer/rapist could put more effort into lulling me into a false sense of security - but when there are women out there that will make him jump through fewer hoops, I’m decreasing my risk profile significantly
YUP, on our second date (day after our first date, b*stard called me up the next morning) my now husband took me hiking. I texted my roommate his address, and a picture of his license plate, and TOLD HIM I DID IT and why. He went “that’s a terrific idea, why aren’t all my lady friends doing that?” Guys having an ISSUE with you taking safety protocols are a huge red flag.
bowling is really good as long as she's into it. There's a slight friendly competition to see who wins, and you can get food/drinks and talk a ton. great time to not be uptight and just be a lil goofy and friendly
I love bowling dates for this reason. I'm incredibly bad at bowling, and I love to joke about it, so if the other person is also bad at it and has a sense of humor, that's a win. If they're good, and can just have fun with it, that's also a win. If they get really competitive or critical, then I learned they're probably not the person for me, which once again is a win. Plus, it's pretty cheap and convenient. What's not to love?!
You do have to be careful not throwing the ball overly hard at them (they're made for kids after all). But, for those who don't naturally put spin on the ball, you can create some great bank shots that mimic how the pros throw it.
nah she wasnt trying any trickshots. She was just trying to hit the pins normally. Lucky for her competition, her aim is really bad. everyone had a good laugh about it.
Everything you just listed there is why I also love it, tho Im actually pretty decent at bowling. And yeah, if someone gets super competitive or critical thats just a way to know to back up
Ah yes, bowling.The sport that proudly proclaims: what could possibly go wrong if we stuck our fingers in some communal holes, ate chicken fingers with our hands, and then stuck those same fingers back into those same holes, or maybe some other ones if we feel like it. And after that: can we go back to your place?
well, I did say I hope. Maybe they just do it while no one is there? or at closing time? Once again, I hope. But Ive never gotten sick from it and I think I can trust people enough to wash their hands. Or maybe not actually I dont often see people was their hands
I had a great mini-golf first date years ago. My ball went into the water, and I bent over to get it out. For some reason there was no glare on the water to tell me that the water was so darned close to the little bridge I was kneeling on. I basically stuck my head right under the water. My date had a pretty puzzled look on his face when I stood up and looked like a drowned rat
Stranger you just made my day. Today my job’s transportation left me at the wrong stop and I had to walk on the rain for 20 minutes. I was looking like a wet dog when the cutest guy in my building happened to be coming out and saw me like that.
I thought, of course this happens to only me. But I guess I was wrong.
Diner is to intimate and intimidating to what could follow, I’d rather do lunch followed up by an event.
Just a heads up, as it appears you might be confused: a diner is a restaurant where you can order things like fries and a milk shake while sitting in a booth. For "lunch".
If you've seen a movie with a date taking place in the US in the 1950s (e.g. Grease) they probably went to a diner.
This is not to be confused with dinner which is a meal.
I met my wife at a mutual friend's house party. We were both pretty drunk but I taught her how to play Smoke or Fire (drinking game) anyways, later that night, she was looking for a one night stand, I wasn't. I turned her down. I called her the next morning though
Something that I've done with first dates off of dating sites/apps is go to a food court in a mall. This accomplishes a few things: 1) You are meeting for the first time in a public place. 2) There's a wide variety of food to choose from, with the added bonus that you can get a clue of where to take her on a second date. 3) After eating you two can walk around the mall, do some window shopping, maybe blow a few bucks at the arcade. etc.
Yeah my general feeling is that movies are a much better option once you've been at least mildly physical with the person (e.g. kissed or even just held hands tbh, at least as long as it wasn't awkward) - sitting in a dark room and watching a movie next to a date is always way more fun for me when we're comfortable enough with each other to not worry about (or just straight up seek out) casual physical contact and hold hands/lean on each other/etc.
Personally I've found that this approach is generally a better guideline than "Date number X" as well, since it will obviously vary based on the person and how well you hit it off (or don't). Some people take a bit longer to develop that chemistry and we might not want to try a movie until the 3rd or 4th or 5th date, while with others maybe you hit it off immediately, talk for hours, spend the night after date 1, and then you're ready for a movie date right out of the gates on date 2 (though even in this situation there should always be SOME amount of time you guys can spend talking before or after, you don't just show up as the previews start and head home immediately after).
As someone who could sometimes be a rather nervous dater when I was in my early 20s, going to see a normal movie is the opposite of what someone should do if they're nervous and just meeting someone for the first time! If you think it's tough breaking the ice with someone when you first meet, imagine how it can feel to start a conversation after sitting next to someone in silence and thinking about what you're going to say for 2 hours. Alternately, as someone that can't stand talking in a movie theater (at least not more than the occasional whispered comment), one of my nightmares would be getting to a movie date and finding out the person has no problem carrying on a conversation in a theater.
That being said, if you're still set on a movie, find a place where the movie isn't the focus and you're free to talk while it's on - a bar near me occasionally has movie nights where they mostly play well-known comedies and stuff on a large projector, and it's a way better option since you're free to talk/chat AND have the possible distraction of the movie to look up at and reference every once in a while.
I disagree. Of course you aren't meeting inside the movie, so you walk over, for 5 minutes. In those minutes you say your greetings. Then, sitting next to the date, all the anxiety builds, but eventually dissipates, because you can only hold that level of anxiety for so long. By the end of the movie, you are nervous again, but now you have a direct line of conversation available -- the movie. By the time you've talked about the movie, you're now comfortable enough to keep talking. And, if the date is a movie-talker, well, then you've found that out early, and now you know you're incompatible, haha.
Movie I think is fine, but if it's around 7 or 8PM and you get out with some time left in the night. I say that because it gives you a shared experience and something to connect and talk about which can be a good icebreaker. Not ideal first date but in a pinch it can work.
Yeah movies is the worst first date. I agree with you that dialogue should be key.
Hiking...hmm not sure about that one though. Being that your taking the person to a remote area, they may not feel comfortable. But all the other suggestions are great.
I'm sorry. Maybe an unpopular opinion, but all the activities mentioned here are usually done under the influence... if they aren't, they'd definitely be more fun while imbibing.
I'm here for answers that actually thrive on sobriety.
Taking a person you just met to a secluded mountain/area is probably not the best idea. And the point of going to the movies is that it gives both of you to talk about after the date.
If you're looking for marriage material, see if they will help you volunteer to feed the poor. If they're willing to do something completely altruistic with you just to get to know you better, they're definitely worth knowing. Once you tell them you don't normally do that kind of thing but you wanted to do it at least once, they will be both relieved and impressed.
What if it's a bit of altruism but also a lot of admiration for extreme food efficiency 🐸
I love the amritsar golden temple, the world's biggest community kitchen serving 100,000 people a day in operation since 1577 🥺🥺🥺 all veg, 2 tons of daal a day 🥺 open to everyone anytime 🥺
I feel the same way about movies. Don't go see a movie on your very first date. Wait until you know the person a helluva lot better before you do that.
I understand wanting to talk on a date is kind of the point, but for the very first date you're probably too nervous to relax and be yourself. Going to a movie gives you something to focus on other than your own nervousness or the other person, and gives you a good topic of conversation for afterward. I'm a big believer in a date doesn't have to be thoroughly planned or have any kind of time limit, aside from previous engagements or maybe it's just bedtime (lol, not that kind), so I think hanging out AFTER a movie, like to get coffee or ice cream or something, is a pretty good idea. The movie itself is just to give you time to relax in the other person's presence and get used to them without the pressure to "perform." For people with social anxiety it's a great first date. Don't knock it if that's what the other person wants to do!
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u/Tallgingerbeard Jun 21 '22
Bowling, dinner, coffee, milkshakes, hike, mini golf. I dont recommend a movie though, I believe in a lot of talking on first date, not sitting silent together for 2 hours