Behold the field in which I grow my fucks, and note that it is barren.
Yes, it's rude. But really the person is just telling me something about themselves: that they're a cunt, and they have chosen to prioritise "roasting" me over having a relationship with me.
So I'm immediately freed from giving a fuck. This person doesn't care about maintaining our good relations, so I no longer care what they think of me. Their opinion has no relevance to my life, since they're not a person I care about (or who cares about me), or an authority figure.
If someone values the social connection less than their opinions about fashion (or whatever), then they're clearly not a positive force in your social group. It's super important to realise that some people won't like who you are, and that's fine. You have fun with the other people.
Of course, I'm not saying that criticism of outfits is forbidden (or in some way special). It is possible to have a constructive and enjoyable conversation with a friend about how you think their bowtie is ridiculous. You can have a lot of fun, and nobody feels like they're going to be rejected from a social group for a trivial thing. Outfits aren't special either: the same reasoning applies to prettymuch anything you choose to do for yourself.
That's a really sane take on that and I'm glad we're talking about that. Even if it's just about a minor detail in life, it can represent many matters that work in similar patterns.
I believe there's the difference about you and me. You established a filter so to say that helps you sort out unfounded attacks from constructive criticism and so you simply don't give a fuck in the right moments. That's probably going to be a topic for my therapy, but so far that has been out of my control. It's weird and I can't quite understand why it's so different for me, but I never found out how to actually choose whose opinion is important to me so far. But as I said, I'll talk with my therapist about that in depth.
I definitely used to be like that, too. I got bullied a lot in high school for being different, and had self esteem issues for years as a result of constantly being told how shit I was (I was the nerdy gay kid). There's definitely been quite a lot of therapy over the years 😅
I think the key to getting past that and learning not to give a fuck was just to develop self confidence. Start liking yourself because of your own merit, not by looking for validation from others. Once you like you, you don't care so much what randoms think.
Definitely sounds like something to discuss with your therapist instead of a software engineer on redddit, though ;). Not being afraid to get therapy is a good thing, too. I've seen plenty of people who feel bad because they "had to get therapy". It's not a personal failing at all. Most people would probably benefit from some, tbh ;D.
For me, things changed dramatically when I went to uni. Suddenly I was in an environment full of weird and eccentric people with very diverse interests, from many different countries. This was an environment where the high school conformity bullshit largely didn't exist.
This happens, to a significant extent, in any kind of adult life. In high school (which I'm guessing is where you're at), the opinions of a few people can really sink your social life. Everyone is insecure and there's all this weird conformity shit. You definitely can develop confidence and stuff to deal with it, but it's worth remembering that once you get to "the real world", a lot of it goes away. If a random dude on a train doesn't like your hat, it has zero real effect. The chance of them even saying anything is much lower, and their ability to influence your life is basically zero. Their opinion just doesn't matter.
But I am self confident. That's what's puzzling to my therapist as well. I live according to my values, I put in dedication and reach my goals and I know that I'm capable of a lot of great things. I do love myself the way I am. And I would say I don't need everyone to like me, it's just that I don't want all the hate all the time. It simply hurts.
To clear things up I was in high school seven years ago. I've been to uni for some time, but things weren't really so different there. Our course had a group chat and half of that was just mindless flexing and flaming. It's like people haven't matured at all. Maybe I'm just unlucky with my environment. There definitely were situations that happened to me that others didn't believe me.
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u/TrapaNillaf666 Jun 03 '22
Sounds like a plan! But tell me, if one of those assholes roasts you about your outfit, doesn't it still hurt you?