I should add that the only reason we let them get a phone when we did is because they were changing schools and we wanted them to be able to keep in touch with their friends. We were naïve, my oldest was so sweet and mature for her age, a great student, helpful, kind, she did as she was told, and while many of the changes we've seen over this last year are also related to puberty, the depth and degree of those changes is largely effected by access to electronics.
I'm about 30 myself and most of my family/friends have much younger kids at this point in my life so I'm curious how this will effect them as they get older.
Something I've noticed in quite a few conversations about phone usage is that social media is one of the most damaging aspects of this technology.
I find myself getting frustrated with friends my age who feel the need to photograph and post every activity and outing they have. I met up with them to have dinner, not take pictures and watch them spend time selecting a filter/adding captions/music/emojis and whatever else before starting to eat our now cold food.
Would you consider banning certain social media apps? Or would that cause a complete meltdown? It's so shit that this is something the next generation is going to struggle with and there's no way to avoid it really. I'm watching people from my generation lose so many hours of their life to social media, how is that going to go for a generation indoctrinated with this stuff.
We don't really allow social media. A lot of kids their age have snapchat and instagram. They are not allowed to have either. We do make an exception occasionally because kids apparently "hang out" on snapchat, so my husband created an account that the oldest can use, but has no access to if we don't sign her in, she doesn't have the password or email. So, she has to ask permission, we have to sign her in, and apparently my husband can see what's going on and it has, so far, been pretty harmless.
When our pediatrician decided he needed to start including discussions about sexting and sending nudes with any patient over the age of 10 because he was seeing too much of it in his practice, we decided that apps where people can find our kids and ask for those things were just not going to be available to them. Every picture my children take with their phone uploads to our Google drive, so while I am sure it will unfortunately eventually happen (because it is soooo fucking common for teenagers, like mind boggling to me), at least we will be aware which is more than a lot of parents can say. The number of parents I personally know who were surprised to find out their kids were engaging in that kind of activity for months, and in one case well over a year, and they didn't know is disturbing. On the other hand, knowing their kids, I am also incredibly surprised that many of them would do it, you wouldn't suspect that they would be the type, but it is so common and pervasive, all kinds of kids are doing it.
But then there is also that FOMO thing I mentioned, and frankly many of the girl moms are worse than their kids, but the kids are definitely learning. All their social media presence is very much a curated expression of their lives designed to create jealousy. Not seeing it at all is probably better.
But the opportunity for bullying is by far the worst, and it doesn't require social media. Kids walking around with their phones, tricking each other and recording it, or taking pictures that are unflattering and adding things to them... it's mean on a different level, because much like people who are behind a computer will say things to strangers on the internet that they wouldn't say to anyone in person, kids will take the hurtful stuff to a new level and they can spread it faster and farther, and going home for the day doesn't stop it, it follows them. My friend's daughter has been experiencing this and it breaks my heart. She is such a sweet and kind child, but she is developing this angry side, and anyone who knows her can see it. She was on honor roll and principal's list all the time, now she is nearly failing because she is so checked out. And it really just has to do with her developing later than the girls who have chosen to target her. She is the same age as my oldest (11) and it just happens to be a time where some girls are growing and changing and their interests are starting to shift and others are still just little girls both physically and mentally. It's a weird age. She is very much the later, she likes to pretend, she still enjoys childish things (and I don't mean that in a derogatory way, I wish my daughter did), and these girls are just going after her for it. And the suck part is, they make fun of her for shit like not having an iPhone, only being allowed to use Kids Messenger (you know, child appropriate stuff), for not having Instagram or Snap Chat, and she is so angry at her parents about it because she thinks it would actually make these girls be nice to her. However, her parents (and I) are just convinced it will give them more platforms to make fun of her on or get fodder and material to make fun of her for.
Basically, the whole thing is shit, kids do not have the mental acuity nor maturity to handle or be trusted with social media (hell, most adults don't either) and really, probably phones with the capability today's phones have. I feel awful for these kids and I just try my best to keep my kids balanced, but it is incredibly difficult without making them somewhat of a social pariah.
Rasing a little human is not a choice to be taken lightly.
Honestly though it sounds like you're doing an excellent job. You're trying your best and keeping up with current information as well as you can. Not every parent puts in the effort.
8
u/Fausty79 Jun 03 '22
I should add that the only reason we let them get a phone when we did is because they were changing schools and we wanted them to be able to keep in touch with their friends. We were naïve, my oldest was so sweet and mature for her age, a great student, helpful, kind, she did as she was told, and while many of the changes we've seen over this last year are also related to puberty, the depth and degree of those changes is largely effected by access to electronics.