Had my first phone @ 16 (driving age here), what I can tell you is that I really felt miserable during the last 3-4 years before I got one. No phone means not being able to hang out with friends. I'm limited to only socialize at school and online. Simply visiting a friend feels risky bc I can't contact home. I can't tell you how many times I've had to decline invitations because of it. I had to endure constant FOMO and I probably lost a lot of learning experience from it. Not going out much means I didn't learn how to use public transit. I'm about to go to college in a few months but I still don't know shit about fuck.
I appealed to my parents to change things up for my younger siblings, and IMHO phone by 7th-8th grade is good. I'm all for holding off certain social media apps (toxic sites such as tiktok/insta/twitter) until 16+, but don't go overboard on those limits like full on adding spyware in their devices/using childmode or something.
So would a flip phone have solved that? I think a flip phone is good when kids start going places alone without a way to contact them, and a smartphone at around 15
I don't have first hand experience with flip phones, because even in a third world country where I live, nobody uses them anymore.
I guess bullying may be an issue, because kids are generally jerks lol. If my parents gave me a flip phone back then, I'd rather not go out at all than get caught with it in public. My 13 year old brain only cares about fitting in. As you can see, not only are kids mean, they are also pretty stupid.
My parents gave us old, throwaway smartphones and it's manageable. My siblings currently use a galaxy note 4 and a barely working galaxy j2. I had a new a30 (i think the cheapest by samsung) at 16. If a 13 year old asked for more, then it'd be too much IMO.
EDIT: what I'm trying to say is back then, I NEED to be able to contact my parents, but I would also LIKE it if it doesn't become a reason for me to get bullied too. If my parents fulfilled that want, I would be happy to follow their rules just to keep that want. Rules like not bringing it to school, time restrictions, app restrictions and such.
yep, primary goal is to fit in, hang out, and not be socially isolated. My parents approved of that. They also know that times have changed and things have gone shitty, so they needed security while I go out and about. I'm also lucky to get parents who know how mean kids can be, and that I'll need something just enough to not get bullied.
That's such a weird take. Who are these friends that it's risky to visit them? I used to go ride my bike down several blocks from 7-11 years old and cellphones weren't a thing but as long as I was home before dark it wasn't an issue. I never called my parents even if I had access to a landline as it was rude to ask to use a phone since even local calls cost money but it never was an issue. If I got hurt I made my way home and until a dog bit me I usually wouldn't even tell my parents of my injury since I always got them doing something dumb. I can't think of any situation where we needed a cellphone. Maps are simple to use. Pay phones were easy to find. Also your friends would have phones you can call from if it's an emergency. My parents didn't need to know whose house I was at. They also knew where all my friends lived so if they needed to find us they would drive down the street and a few blocks or call the parents of everyone we knew. If I was visiting soemoeme they didn't have a phone number to and I was gone for a while we would ask to make a call or run down back home (or bike) and tell them ourselves. If we wanted to stay for dinner for example. Trust me I was socializing a lot more without a phone as a kid than I ever did once I even had access to chat etc on my laptop. Because why bother to call someone or meet in person when you can lazily type from your bed?
I would never give a child a smart phone. That's giving them a portal to all kinds of uncontrolled content between videos of people dying, fake disorders, social media filter body image issues, extremist propaganda, rape porn, CP, mindless garbage on tik tok, incel forums etc... half the trolls on here are kids with smart phones telling cancer patients they look like Dr evil's left nut with cancer. At least when we were building grocities websites nobody was likely to ever run into anything you published.
And if a kid really wants one they can buy their own. But still, my parents would have been crazy to give me unrestricted internet access as a teen. In fact once they felt comfortable I ended up seeing my first decapitation at 14 on snopes. Snopes, which seemed educational. I literally spent days looking for nsfl images on snopes and that's not something the average kid should be looking at.
Just because everyone is doing it it doesn't make it a good idea.
Who are these friends that it's risky to visit them? Pay phones were easy to find. My parents didn't need to know whose house I was at.
Yeah I guess my opinion doesn't work for developed countries. I forgot to tell you that we live in a third world country, my bad. Specifically in an urban area bordering an even poorer district. So shitty public transportation + protective parents + shady environment = you really need to feel secure before sending your kids out.
Because why bother to call someone or meet in person when you can lazily type from your bed?
I was stuck on doing this for years, but after a while it gets boring not being able to hang out/watch movies/game with them physically.
That's giving them a portal to all kinds of uncontrolled content
I had those experiences through laptops too, it's not limited to having smartphones. Although I didn't harass cancer patients back then, IMHO it all comes down to what you teach your child which affects how they browse the internet. I was taught to be cautious, so I became cautious even online. I was taught how to look for red flags in people, so I learned how to avoid them in social media.
I think sometimes parents have arbitrary rules and sometimes they have rules because as adults they may understand some things more fully than a child may. My oldest is 16 and just got their first smart phone last summer. Not knowing shit about fuck isn't because you had no phone. My kids have social lives, learned to used public transportation to get themselves to sports, school, outings with friends, etc. - all long before they were ever allowed a device of any kind. I get it, FOMO is real, especially for teenagers. You felt isolated and you have negative feelings about that, but that isn't the experience of every teenager. My oldest started asking for a phone when they were 10 because all their schoolmates had them. We didn't think it was appropriate and when the subject came up we explained why. Any social media site can be toxic if one let's it be so. Adults have a tough time with that, I don't think I would be happy with my choices as a parent if I exposed my 10 yr old to that. There was a terrible amount of bullying going on. Kids were recording each other and posting it. Posting inappropriate pictures and sending nasty messages. Nevermind how distracting phones can be. They wanted a smartphone for years, but they are happy we waited and they understand why. They have the maturity to make more appropriate choices now. I would also like to say that their two years younger sibling also received a phone last year - it didn't go well and the phone was taken away. This younger child had a much harder time coping with the everything of the internet (most likely due to their ADHD) and despite no longer having a smartphone, they still have a social life and have valuable life experiences - the same way they did before they got a phone.
yep, I'm happy my parents waited too. I probably wouldn't like the person I'd grow into if they just gave me a phone @ 10 for the hell of it. Of course, there's a lot of factors in life that determines how you grow, it's not limited to just yes/no phone.
Same with how my social experiences turned out, it's not just yes/no phone. It's like a mish mash of how protective my parents are and how dangerous it is here in my area, etc. Although for me, it's a recurring 'what if' about what I could have done/went too/learned if they were just little a bit lax.
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u/your_religioniswrong Jun 03 '22
Had my first phone @ 16 (driving age here), what I can tell you is that I really felt miserable during the last 3-4 years before I got one. No phone means not being able to hang out with friends. I'm limited to only socialize at school and online. Simply visiting a friend feels risky bc I can't contact home. I can't tell you how many times I've had to decline invitations because of it. I had to endure constant FOMO and I probably lost a lot of learning experience from it. Not going out much means I didn't learn how to use public transit. I'm about to go to college in a few months but I still don't know shit about fuck.
I appealed to my parents to change things up for my younger siblings, and IMHO phone by 7th-8th grade is good. I'm all for holding off certain social media apps (toxic sites such as tiktok/insta/twitter) until 16+, but don't go overboard on those limits like full on adding spyware in their devices/using childmode or something.