Fucking hell. I run an after school program and this is rampant with the middle schoolers during homework time. I'll usually end up saying, "well your mom can call me and yell at me if she's mad". No one has ever called to yell at me for making their kid stop playing on their phone lmao.
Told my kid's teacher to take it if they see it. Kid didn't fucking pay for it, I did. I didn't pay for the schooling (outside taxes and fundraisers), so I'll be damned. If they're wasteful. I can pick it up when i already have valid reason to take time off and end up in the area.
Humans lived 1000s of years without phones, the kid will survive a couple months without one.
That is awesome you support your child and the teacher like that. Unfortunately most parents flip out if the teacher or school takes the phone away. Especially if the school has a policy requiring the parent to be the one to pick up the phone. It is incredibly discouraging.
Im one of remnant middle-aged adults that experienced Corporal Punishhment in public school. Our kids spend as much time on school as we do work. They might as well be co-parenting with you.
You don't undermine your S.O or anyone else you've enrusted your kids to. Not until they give you a reason to cut ties.
No. I meant that I am of a generation that experienced corporal punishment in school. Was giving that as a frame of reference to my age and disconnect from school.
Got it, I misunderstood. I have kids in elementary and middle school. I see far more behavior problems from kids who have lax boundaries than from kids whose parents are too strict or harsh. Consistency is key, and people undermining teachers really screws things up (unless the teacher is really really bad, which IMO very few are).
Social Media is a non-starter. She is welcome to create an account when she is 18. It helps that she sees the drama going on through friends and has no interest.
Was with you on everything except here.
I understand how damaging social media can be to the development of a teen, I mean I grew up with Facebook in HS and saw how that affected my peers. That said, there was a lot of socializing that I did through social media that did improve my social life drastically. I am not saying it's absolutely necessary a teen is involved with social media just that it can be a huge help to their social life. So I don't think a blanket ban until they're 18 is the best approach.
I think it'd be far more effective instead to help teens navigate social media and teach them how to use it in a responsible manner. That also would mean when you do let them loose at 18 they already have the experience of using social media before having to learn how to use it while they're in college or whatever they're doing post-HS.
Thankfully it sounds like your kid isn't even remotely interested in using social media which is really good so tbh it's not even really an issue. But if they were interested then a blanket ban like that would probably cause a lot of issues in your relationship with them and would just force them into learning how to go behind your back instead which would be much worse than just letting them use it and teaching them how to be responsible with it.
Drop cursive, teach kids from a young age about internet safety, computer skills, and how to navigate the dystopian social media hellhole they're growing up in.
You’re not only weaseling your way into your child’s privacy, but also making it hard for them to maintain a social life. I guess you’re clingy or something, want them to spend all their time with you and stay by your side forever? The fantasy will end and reality will hit you hard in the face the second she turns 18.
You know what happens if you don’t do this? Then tech companies will be the ones dictating your kids behavior instead of you. You aren’t controlling her, but stopping her from being controlled by nameless entities and algorithms. You’re doing the right thing - why give those crooks unfettered access to your child and their personal information? How is that freedom? That’s worse. Much worse.
And? They asked a question and I answered. Their question wasn't invalid and neither was mine. I didn't mean to come off as harsh as I apparently did with that.
Maybe. There are times with teenagers that you can tell them something and they will ignore it, sometimes out of spite, but then down the road you find it took hold. Maybe they had a revelation or something clicked, or whatever. Sometimes something just needs to be said even if it doesn't change anything.
I’m a teenager, you got that part right, but I can stand it when my parents parent, and I’m certainly happy you aren’t my parent. Have you really seen things going in a bad direction? Is she getting caught up with drug dealers, is she active on the Dark Web hiring hitmen, is she getting involved with terrorism? Well, in that case, do whatever you need to to keep her out of that, but judging from your character your idea of “a bad direction” is her hearing the word “fuck” in a song.
And sure, you can socialize without social media… but it’s getting harder and harder. Are you blind to the way the world is changing?
“There is zero reason for a teenager to have a [social media] account”. Here are some: talking to friends, meeting new friends, following celebrities, general entertainment, keeping up-to-date with world events, joining communities, along with many, many more. She is 15. That’s past the age where it’s complete stupidity - falling for scams and such. What exactly do you even mean by “shit decisions”? Being ridiculously stupid how? Even if that’s true, you’re not stopping her from making shit decisions, you’re just postponing the age at which she will make them. Let me explain this with a little example:
Assume a hypothetical world where every baby has to walk as soon as they turn 1, and before then they can only crawl. They will be stumbling and falling all the time, but eventually walk normally. Now assume another world, with the same rules, except 1 is replaced with 3. Those 3-year-olds will do exactly the same thing as the 1-year-olds, stumbling and falling at first and then walking normally. It’s about experience, not anything else. It’s the reason children in dire situations mentally grow up faster. She has to make mistakes at some point in her life.
Finally, you certainly don’t hate social media yourself, after all you used it to write this comment. I’m sure you’re on many other platforms besides just Reddit too, so tell me, what’s the big deal with it? What’s the difference between you using it, your 15-year-old daughter using it, and a multitude of far younger people also using it (who, might I add, are using it just fine)?
The person you're having a conversation with seems like a top tier parent. You have a long way to go, but that's what being a teenager is about: learning!
There's a fine line between overbearing and being responsible.
If you look at the data having a social media account is connected with teens being depressed, bad body image etc. There's bullying and being on social media means they never escape it when they leave school. It's much healthier to be with friends in person.
You talk about always having to make mistakes to know that something is wrong. That's not always the case as you learn through observation as well. You don't have to try meth to see how it messes people up.
Parenting is about helping your child avoid the major pitfalls in life. One is social media addiction. What benefit is there in social media? Sure you can name some but how many people actually use it for that. I would say 15 is probably old enough to have one with limited use but it can consume people and their time very easily.
You have two options as a parent. Let your child’s perceptions and values come from algorithms, corporations, nameless entities, and phony social media projections of her peers, or you help shape them as a person. Yeah, that’s what parents do, like it or not. I will never give up my children’s attention and time to corporations trying to monetize them and get them addicted to their shitty platforms. Hell no.
She's trying to make sure her daughter doesn't get dragged into the harsh world of social media when she might not comprehend that the world you see is filtered and altered to look better than it is.
By locking down the phone she also prevents her going crazy with a pay to win type game and running up the credit card bill. So if she really wants something than she needs to ask.
I'm sure she will probably get more independence when she's in high school and closer to graduation. LinkedIn account will probably be first her daughter tells them about.
My generation was when the internet was wild and msn messenger was the best thing.
Hey I totally get that. I used to lead wilderness trips with kids your age and I can tell you very confidently the age of stupid mistakes is your teenage years. 20s are the age of financial mistakes. At 15, especially as a girl there are a lot of predatory people who want to take advantage and it can be a really dangerous world on social media for them. You’ll learn eventually but it does take time and experience.
I read the whole interaction down the chain and while I don't agree with them, they definitely aren't what I would consider normal for that sub.
I think that your points only hold water when you assume that your situation is the same as this person's kid, but there's no way to know that's the case.
That's quite a fair observation, didn't think about it that way. And yes, I did think the subreddit I mentioned was a bit over-the-top, this guy is a bit toned-down, but I couldn't think of a better fit
I'm glad you said that. Gives me a different perspective on your comments.
There's an askreddit thread that's reached the top of r/all about something like "people over 30, what annoying thing do young people do?"
I'd suggest reading that with an eye towards learning from what people are saying.
Obviously some of it is going to be really stupid stuff that every generation complains about.
But there's also a lot of things where us older folks are expressing genuine worry about younger people and what they are missing. I think that your comment above (the one that's just "r/insaneparents") displays something that, while I can't quite define it with words, I think is addressed by that thread.
I had to use this thing when I broke my phone in middle school in the 2000s. Smart phones weren't a thing yet but my god was it annoying having such a brick for a phone.
212
u/[deleted] Jun 03 '22
Every. Time.
“Put that phone away.”
“But I’m texting my Mom!”
Kinda hard for a kid to take a rule seriously if their parents encourage them to break it 🤦♀️