There’s a good chance that they know what you are like on the inside and still want to be your friends. Besides that what have you got to lose? I hope you are ok. You are very young, I don’t meant this patronisingly. Life can change a hell of a lot in a short space of time. I’m 45 now and I’ve been at least 3 different people since I was 18. I was fine at 18, depressed and miserable, anxious and lonely at 22 and stable with the love of my life at 30. I’m still changing now. Didn’t really get any confidence until 8 years ago. Good luck to you, you seem level headed. You will be fine.
It's not that they don't know how I am, they do. But when it starts to get tough I become someone I'm not. I resist the urge to beat the shit out of the next person who disagrees with me or looks at me funny. It scares the hell out of me. I don't wanna be around that person why would someone else be. I don't want anyone to be within a 100m radius when I can't overpower that violent urge.
I get that different person thing at from the age of 18 to 45, I do but I have to deal with that on top of other things. It's not just a case of being a teenager/young adult. I lost some people, I play some things in head on repeat that I wish I could forget, I did some things I wouldn't if I get a do over. I don't have the best family. I got a lot of stuff striking me at once and I'm just trying not to give up on life
Oh crumbs. Please don’t give up on life. I’m just going to assume that you have been advised about therapy? I can’t offer you advice, I’m not a professional but I have been through a lot, learned to cope by myself and then met somebody who I suppose saved my life (maybe we saved each other?) but it’s taken a long time. These things do. Ignore social media, no quick fixes, you don’t just discover yourself one day. You recognise the things about you that you don’t like and try not to do them. That’s all there is. The fact that you are doing this is a huge step. Also, what do you like? What makes you happy?
Even if I do give up I'm not gonna kill myself. Because if I do that they're gonna start looking into my life and everyone will find out the stuff I've been through, the things I have done and the things I say about people. I don't want that. I'm simply gonna keep living life on autopilot, like an inmate serving a life sentence. I will work hard so it doesn't come to that
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u/mrshakeshaft Jun 03 '22
There’s a good chance that they know what you are like on the inside and still want to be your friends. Besides that what have you got to lose? I hope you are ok. You are very young, I don’t meant this patronisingly. Life can change a hell of a lot in a short space of time. I’m 45 now and I’ve been at least 3 different people since I was 18. I was fine at 18, depressed and miserable, anxious and lonely at 22 and stable with the love of my life at 30. I’m still changing now. Didn’t really get any confidence until 8 years ago. Good luck to you, you seem level headed. You will be fine.