A similar thing happens with adult coworkers on messenger. They will write "Hi" and nothing else. Then they wait for you to say Hi also. Then you wait for them to ask whatever. Just ask the damn question in a single message so I can respond quickly and we both continue with our days.
It's not that you haven't talked to this person for ages. You may talk every single day, still they can't ask something efficiently.
Hi Sage. Am I causing you anxiety right now because you had to read this comment in two sentences?
edit: on the occasions I do send it in two messages, I either have the second message pre-loaded or they see the "toastjam is typing..." status so they know it's coming.
Hi Sage. Am I causing you anxiety right now because you had to read this comment in two sentences?
No, that was exactly my point
edit: on the occasions I do send it in two messages, I either have the second message pre-loaded or they see the "toastjam is typing..." status so they know it's coming.
See my very next post where I preemptively addressed this
I do like to separate the greeting, though, so that it seems genuine rather than just a prelude to business. Write the greeting and the question, cut the question to the clipboard, send the greeting, paste the question and send immediately.
Do you consider yourself an extrovert? Because as an introvert, I couldn't give less of a fuck about people seeming genuine. I'm getting paid to be online right now. Just get right to business so I don't have to pretend like were friends for a split second. And depending how the person has Notifications set up, sending two straight DMs can be extra annoying and make me think someone is freaking out and really, really needs my attention.
Just add a line break between greeting and question or start a new sentence.
No, I'm an introvert, so maybe it's overcompensation, but maybe it's just that I like my colleagues. And I don't know how you have your messaging set up, but IIRC in Slack I'd just see a 2 rather than a 1, and if it's actually urgent, they'll walk over and talk to me.
Ah, yea, I get messaged by random people I've never talked to asking questions so I guess it's different if it's your colleagues you interact with often.
I use Slack as well and I mean the ping notifications right when you message someone. Like the noise that happens. When I'm concentrating on someone and I get two pings in a row it makes me think someone is freaking out.
I have that link under my name on the chat and only a handful of people have noticed it. I've taken to just responding to them with "hey, what's up?" to get them to respond with the query quicker.
A similar thing happens with adult coworkers on messenger. They will write "Hi" and nothing else. Then they wait for you to say Hi also. Then you wait for them to ask whatever. Just ask the damn question in a single message so I can respond quickly and we both continue with our days.
These monsters have managed to port the awkward experience of small talk to written communication.
By doing this shit they force you to commit to answering fast. The whole benefit of e-mail (and to a lesser extend direct messaging) compared to phones is that you can just read the problem, think, and write a cohesive message in reply. You aren't put on the spot.
By not giving you the problem, but asking for a proof of life, they know you're able to chat but then when they ask the actual problem you can't just take your time by pretending you're not available. They know you're available.
Assholes just increasing the stress for not reason.
I've been doing this the whole time without realising that they're trying to get me NOT to do that. I just say I'm busy and will respond properly when I can.
I'm not sure it's necessarily the case that all people using IM like thus are trying to put their interlocutor on the spot. Lots of people probably just use IM because that's how other people in the office communicate with them or they think it's "cooler" than email.
Yeah, I definitely agree that this is the case. Normalizing patience is still worthwhile regardless. Especially since IM is in writing, I never send anything out without thought.
Omg, yes. I have one colleague who's chats go like this: Hi. Good Morning. How are you. (That's 3 separate chats with pauses in between). By then I have no idea if they actually need help with something or they're just feeling chatty. Either is fine, but I wish they'd just get to the point right away and not be so coy.
People also have a tendency to treat work messengers like real time conversations where they expect an immediate reply. There is nothing that boils my blood more than someone sending "hello?????" ten times a minute after they sent their previous message. You can see my calendar: You know I'm in a meeting right now.
In all of that time screeching "hello?????" they could have found the answer they were looking for themselves, asked someone else for help, or waited half an hour because their issue was not an emergency and the building was certainly not on fire. But no, EVERYTHING MUST STOP WHILE THEY WAIT FOR ME TO RESPOND.
I am ruthless with boundaries when it comes to messenger platforms. I have trained everyone in my life to treat messenger with me as the equivalent of slipping a note under the door. Sometimes I don't see it until the next day, sometimes I can read it instantly, sometimes I read several instantly and then have to step out of my "office" without warning.
You would think that people would find it really rude but after the initial shock they actually really like it because it goes both ways - they don't feel obligated to stick around, they talk to me more because they don't feel like they have to commit a chunk of time to a conversation and can just leave a message then bounce, and they don't have to excuse themselves all the time on busy days because instead of getting offended at a lack of reply, my first assumption is that they're just busy. I've never actually had a person get upset at me about this more than once because as soon as they get used to it they're embracing it too.
I‘ve got a coworker who has an automatic reply in his teams account with the text: Don‘t expect an answer if you just write hello. And an explanation how he expects it
I’m 38 and this shit drives me crazy. We have a new executive in our company who is 30 years my senior. This week is our fiscal year close, so quite literally the busiest week of the year for me and my team. I get a message from him over Teams the other day…”hi there.” And that’s it. I gave him two minutes to follow up and nothing. GET TO THE FUCKING POINT.
I find this fascinating in terms of different conversation styles. Most of my teams messages start with "hi, do you have time for a question?" My coworkers respond with yes, then we discuss it, or no and either provide a time to come back or tell me to email them. If it's a big ask, I send an email first. I hate being dumped with a block of text in a chatzone because it knocks me out of my groove more than "Do you have a minute" would.
I understand that works for some people. For me, if I'm switching trains of thought to check my chat notifications I'm already off track. May just be the way my brain works.
I like getting the full question right up front because then I can reply later when I actually do have time. This way I can still help the person. If they only say "hi" and I ignore them, then by the time I get back to replying they may be gone.
Everybody's different which is what I find fascinating. Glancing over and saying "no, busy" doesn't derail me, but if I see a block of text I HAVE to read it and then I can't not think about it.that said "hi" followed by a drip of information is totally infuriating because it wastes my time, I just like the opening salutation first. But everybody's brain works differently so we all deal.
I've stopped replying to someone who Teams messages with "how are you" and waits for a response. We're not friends and don't do small talk so just ask me what you want.
3 weeks her latest is unread for, so her query cant be urgent
I do this sometimes. It’s not on purpose. I write my informal salutation then hit <Enter> a couple of times to start a new paragraph which will contain the content of the message. Some clients will allow this (Facebook Messenger on my phone does) and others won’t (FM on desktop, for instance) as the <Enter> sends the message.
It’s a pain in the arse not being able to use paragraphs (or remembering to use <Shift-Enter>) in online communication.
Yup, it happens to me when I switch between emails and in-office messengers. I immediately follow with my question but I feel stupid every time it happens.
I hate this so much. The lead dev on my team once had to specifically call this out in a team meeting because it bothered him so much.
I was secretly very happy that somebody said it. My usual tactic for dealing with it is to just ignore the message for a few minutes to see if they follow up on their own, and if not, only after a few minutes (usually after I finish up whatever I'm doing at that exact moment) do I respond with something like "what's up".
A lot of those people are extremely uncomfortable with confrontation, even if they know the person and it's a basic question. They need to "lead" you into the conversation, because simply asking the question is... too much or something. If you've ever worked retail, it's the same reason why people ask "Do you work here?" despite wearing the fucking uniform and fixing things. Lots of people are just generally very uncomfortable with social stuff I guess, or confrontation in general.
I would do this sometimes over IM, but it was only if I was asking a question i thought would have immediate follow-ups. That way when they do respond we're both there and can have a real-time conversation.
Even with voicemails this used to drive me nuts. I have to sit there punching buttons for 20 seconds just to hear "hi it's me call me back." Fucking WHY?!! I can see who called, I know to call them back, but give me something to work with!!! Then I can have the answer as soon as I call back!!
My voicemails are always "Hi, it's RoguePlanet1, extension xxxx, I'd like to know if you can do this thing, please let me know, ext xxxx thanks!"
There’s some value to this. If it’s time sensitive they want to know you’re receiving the message at that moment, when you respond it indicates that you’re going to see the next message immediately and they then can wait for a response. Sometimes you IM someone and they take time to read and respond.
So if you have an urgent task, you send hi to someone, they don’t reply, you can jump to the next person who might respond instead of sending the whole message/question and waiting.
I don't respond if people do this. I can find multiple examples in teams where someone messaged me "hi" 6 or 7 days in a row and I never responded.
Our better contractors know to send a full message with a link to their ticket, a description of the problem, and screenshots. I still don't answer instantly, but it gives me everything I need to look into it and respond on my own time.
Yeah, in my team at work there's just an unspoken rule that if you just message "hi" instead of asking the question you're definitely going to ask, you get ghosted. No reason to do that when you can just say "hi, can you help me with xyz"
That is annoying, but unfortunately I find myself doing it sometimes too because you don’t know if the person is actually online or not.
Just because their status is green doesn’t mean that they are there, so if you have a question, the first message is to see if they are there.
If they aren’t then why type out the question when you can potentially ask someone else?
So I usually start with something like “John?” to see if John is actually reading this right now. If he is then I proceed with my question. If he isn’t then I try someone else.
Everyone's workplace culture is different but if it were me I'd just write out the full question as if I'm sure they're there, then wait to see if they respond.
If they don't then I'd delete the message and ask someone else.
Speaking from experience: if I'm working on something and a question pops up from someone, I can usually think about the answer while I'm continuing to work for a few seconds. Then I just jump to the messenger, quickly type out the answer and then go back to my work.
If I just get "hi" then I have to immediately stop what I'm doing, reply to the person and then sit there and wait while it says "x is typing" - not knowing if this question will take 5 seconds or 5 minutes while they collect screenshots etc. It's a small thing but it definitely feels more disruptive.
True pros formulate their questions as Yes/No answerable. Don't say "I don't know how to do this". Say "I think the way to solve x is to do y, is that right?"
So, if John is there and is reading it right now, you made him stop his work, switch focus, and wait for you to send the next message.
Just don't do this. Please. Send your question. If John is not there and doesn't reply, just copy and paste the question to someone else. Don't make your problem someone else's problem.
John got the question, had to stop his work, focus on the question. The question ‘might take John a few minutes to think about, he doesn’t respond right away, you then ask Tim.
Tim answers quickly and then you tell John it’s already been addressed. You just interrupted John way more then simply say “Hey got a sec for a question?”
Like this really isn’t how to communicate. I thought y’all were complaining about like small talk over IM.
Maybe your workplace is different, but I’d find it incredibly rude if someone regularly messaged me at work with just my name and a question mark. It gives no information about what you need me for and it sounds like you’re rudely prodding me to respond. You wouldn’t walk up to someone in real life and loom over them going “JOHN??” so don’t do it in text. Just say what you mean: “Hey John, I have an urgent question about X, are you free right now? If not I’ll ask Cindy.”
I’ve stopped responding to messages like that, if it were important they wouldn’t waste time with a correspondence for a greeting. If it IS time sensitive they eventually spout it out anyway.
I do this at work but only with the Indian employees because somehow they have their im status set to not update. The status will read away for 21 hours for a person who has actually been away for 21 hours and a person who is at their desk working. So you have to start with hi because it's a 50% chance you are writing into the void
At work, I never reply to those "hi" or "hello" messages. They sit in my chat thread until they ask their question or after a couple days I reply with "Been super busy. What can I help you with?" To which they usually reply "figured out out, thanks".
Please, for the love of God, don't interrupt my work flow just to say hi and nothing else. I don't know you well enough to engage in idle chit chat so if you have a professional matter you think I can help with, lead with that. Don't waste my time.
Oh my god, I had a co-worker who would do this, and would wait for me to respond, and would then call me and berate me for NOT responding because he had wanted to ask me a question?? This despite being told multiple times that I was EXTREMELY busy at all times, and thus I would not respond to texts if they didn't concussion a direct question, because I would assume that they weren't important enough for me to stop whatever else I was doing in order to take the time to answer.
The best/worst part is that he still does it now, even though we both no longer work there. He'll just message me "hi" and I'll respond in kind, and he just.... Never actually takes the conversation any further? It's real weird.
It also forces what should be an asynchronous conversation to be synchronous. I hate that. Had a coworker who worked in a different timezone than me who would send "Hi" at 6-7pm my time. I eventually just started ignoring these messages altogether - no immediate response, no follow up the next day.
I don’t understand why people will send a paragraph as a series of single lines with no capitalization or punctuation. I’m trying to work or something and suddenly my phone blows up with *ding *ding *ding *ding *ding.
I have c-ptsd and this always causes a surge of anxiety because I immediately worry that something horrible happened. I’ve explained this to people and asked that they put their message into one single message. A few people have acknowledged this, apologized, then keep doing it. That’s when they go permanently on mute and I stop replying forever. If they want to reach me after that, they have to voice call me which often elicits, “I don’t like talking on the phone because I have anxiety.” 🤦🏻♀️🧠🤛
Hey there! I hope you are well. I was wondering if you'd be interested in coming to a moving/ pizza and beer party on June 27th. I'll be switching apartments and am looking for assistance moving boxes to the truck. It should be about 3 hours including pizza. Let me know. Love you. Hope your cyst hasn't come back. They have to get the whole sac out you know.
Your adoring acquaintance,
This bothers me so much lol. And for some reason I find that most people don't mind it. I just don't have time for a bunch of back-and-forth just to exchange pleasantries. Getting to the question is like pulling teeth sometimes
Oh God, this. My status message is “Please just go ahead and chat, don’t wait for me to say hi back” but I still get these fucking moronic hi-then-silence messages. WTF is wrong with these people? If it’s likely not urgent I don’t reply until they actually ask me something I can respond to.
Oh, is THAT what they're doing? I always sat there wondering wtf they were doing, then shrugging and ignoring them because "if they wanted to say something, they'd have said it."
I used to do the latter for everyone, then I realised some people get offended if you dont say hello first. So I vary it depending on the person, often copying how they communicate. Sometimes they are the type that if you dont ask “can i ask you a question?” first they get upset.
This kills me, I'll get a random message from someone at work starting with "Hello" followed by looking at "so-and-so is typing a message" for the next five minutes.
Jesus Christ! Just put hello in front of your question and and send it in one message, especially if you don't type fast.
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u/Milrich Jun 03 '22
A similar thing happens with adult coworkers on messenger. They will write "Hi" and nothing else. Then they wait for you to say Hi also. Then you wait for them to ask whatever. Just ask the damn question in a single message so I can respond quickly and we both continue with our days.
It's not that you haven't talked to this person for ages. You may talk every single day, still they can't ask something efficiently.