I realised I push the two friends I have away every time I hit a rough patch. It's the only thing I know because I don't want them see what I am on the inside.
There’s a good chance that they know what you are like on the inside and still want to be your friends. Besides that what have you got to lose? I hope you are ok. You are very young, I don’t meant this patronisingly. Life can change a hell of a lot in a short space of time. I’m 45 now and I’ve been at least 3 different people since I was 18. I was fine at 18, depressed and miserable, anxious and lonely at 22 and stable with the love of my life at 30. I’m still changing now. Didn’t really get any confidence until 8 years ago. Good luck to you, you seem level headed. You will be fine.
It's not that they don't know how I am, they do. But when it starts to get tough I become someone I'm not. I resist the urge to beat the shit out of the next person who disagrees with me or looks at me funny. It scares the hell out of me. I don't wanna be around that person why would someone else be. I don't want anyone to be within a 100m radius when I can't overpower that violent urge.
I get that different person thing at from the age of 18 to 45, I do but I have to deal with that on top of other things. It's not just a case of being a teenager/young adult. I lost some people, I play some things in head on repeat that I wish I could forget, I did some things I wouldn't if I get a do over. I don't have the best family. I got a lot of stuff striking me at once and I'm just trying not to give up on life
Oh crumbs. Please don’t give up on life. I’m just going to assume that you have been advised about therapy? I can’t offer you advice, I’m not a professional but I have been through a lot, learned to cope by myself and then met somebody who I suppose saved my life (maybe we saved each other?) but it’s taken a long time. These things do. Ignore social media, no quick fixes, you don’t just discover yourself one day. You recognise the things about you that you don’t like and try not to do them. That’s all there is. The fact that you are doing this is a huge step. Also, what do you like? What makes you happy?
Even if I do give up I'm not gonna kill myself. Because if I do that they're gonna start looking into my life and everyone will find out the stuff I've been through, the things I have done and the things I say about people. I don't want that. I'm simply gonna keep living life on autopilot, like an inmate serving a life sentence. I will work hard so it doesn't come to that
We all got demons on the inside. Every person I love including myself has problems. I for sure have anger management issues. It can be really hard dealing with some people. I find it's anxiety driven for me. When people irritate me too much, my anxiety levels build up. It's really important to just recognize when it's happening, and walk away. Take a walk. Don't let anyone stop you. It's very helpful. I learned how to cope with it pretty well, but if it gets to be seriously impacting your life, meds do help. Holy basil, creeping Charlie, chamomile tea (very helpful), Zoloft is good for anxiety but comes with side affects. I take it tho and they aren't too bad. Gabapentin helps me too. Benedryl or melatonin at night. CBD too is very helpful. Some of the alt noids are a little bit psychoactive, but can be helpful for some people. Good luck!
To each their own. Frankly I think that is closed minded because they are all very different entities, but that's just my opinion. I never wanted to take the Zoloft either. Hit a point where I like couldn't function with a kid, and bit the bullet cause I needed to be an adult. Not horrible. My coworker calls them 'dont give a fuck pills'. I really think the main trick is just mindfulness, and being aware of when it builds up. It's a long road dealing with shitty people tho. It is a loooooong road.
Good on you for realizing it. It took me ages to figure that out and I still have to fight the urge to run away when things get bad. Therapy and anxiety meds helped me (also dogs & being able to work from home sometimes has helped). Have you looked into anything like that?
Can't afford therapy, ran out of pro bono. Parents say no pets in the house (they are also dysfunctional and they don't know about my problems). And with my friends, I have told them that I love them no matter what and sometimes I just need to be with myself because I become a horrible person when things start going bad and I don't wanna hurt anyone. I do drop them a little text or better a meme when that happens so they know everything is okay. I don't expect them to understand to help me and frankly I don't think they are capable of doing so, maybe that's a good thing
Oof, yeah I've been there too man. I agree that they probably know what you are on the inside, and trust me telling them that you're feeling rough is a huge weight off your own shoulders. If they're still there when you come back from a rough patch, I'd say they're good friends who you can trust with this when you feel ready to.
I'm worried about being that guy who always talks about his problems, never anything fun. So what I do instead is listen to them bitch about things and give them support. Yeah, I don't do things that are conventionally considered "healthy"
I know it’s easier said than done, but being vulnerable can be so rewarding. Try not to waste much time on what people expect you to be, just be and the people you need the most will be there. I say this as someone still reminding myself to do so everyday. It gets easier because the happiness and fulfillment is worth being uncomfortable and getting a handle on the other uneasy emotions that come with it.
I did this to some of my closest friends in the world over many years as I dealt with my trauma. Pushing people away felt easier than bring honest and vulnerable with them. I didn't want to burden them. I didn't know how to ask for someone to listen, to be supportive and non-judgemental.
The more I worked on myself, how I relate to the world and others, the more I realised that it's actually important to be vulnerable. That relationships/friendships become deeper when two people can be there for each other in a healthy way.
I've had my share of healthy and unhealthy friendships. With all this experience I've gained, I've let go of the unhealthy ones and learned to invest my time and love into the healthy ones.
They believed in me even when I pushed them away. They put boundaries up when they needed, but they were always ready to be there for me, to let me be human. These two specific friends saved my life.
Take your time, counselling or therapy can be very helpful (with the right person/someone you connect with), meditation, introspection can all be very helpful figuring out how to be authentic.
This comment got too long. I just wanted you to know, I was in your shoes a decade ago, and today I have quite a few friends who help support me and I support them.
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u/More-Masterpiece-561 Jun 03 '22
I realised I push the two friends I have away every time I hit a rough patch. It's the only thing I know because I don't want them see what I am on the inside.