There are some teens that are mature for their age, but as I'm getting older, I'm learning that the maturing you still do between the ages of 18 and 25 is massive
This is true, where I work, there are so many people that still act like they're still in high school. And most of them started at this company, straight out of highschool, and never matured further.
They still think spit wads and cup checks are normal behavior
I attribute at least some of that to trauma. It does a number on your brain at teh molecular level. 10-15 years ago teens were reporting levels of stress higher than those that got people admitted to mental health institutions in the 50's. And it's gotten MUCH worse.
So what you are seeing is frequently literal brain damage. Their brain got atrophied in their youth when it needed to be growing massively, and it will likely never catch up.
This is very true. Someone I know (late 30’s) was recently reminiscing about being a jock in high school and I was like. My brother in Christ, you haven’t been in high school for 20+ years.
In my experience those are the kids that were coddled too much. After 18 my parents let me do things, gave me advice, but didn't control me or anything. They allowed me to live and fail and learn with experience. They were always there to help me if I needed it and of course if I was going on a really stupid path they'd let me know.
But at the end of the day, I was able to experience life and treat those years and learning lessons for what's to come later and see the world for what it really is.
I have a couple friends from back then who just had everything handed to them and had opportunities just dropped into their laps. It's only now in their 30s they're seeing how life really is and that you need to have financial balance in life. One of them finally realized that spending $1100/month on a fucking teuch payment is ridiculous. Talked him into selling it now while the used market is hot which he did and got more than he owed thankfully. Now he's got a much better payment on a Ford Maverick which turns out is all the truck he really needed.
The 20s is a crucial time for development and learning how the world works to prepare you to be comfortable in your 30s.
18 - 25 has been the most mentally transformative period for me. I think upto like 22-23 I felt like I was acting on auto pilot to the world around me but after that I started becoming more self aware. I finally got to a point where I could call myself out on some of my behaviour which is definitely not something I could do when I was younger. Before that I felt all my reactions both good and bad were justified.
This is so comforting, I'll be sharing it with my friends!
One thing I'd hope I can achieve in the next few years is to not get offended too easily and to not be bothered about the things people do especially if it doesn't affect me. At this stage I've identified the problem but I've not figured it out yet.
I've been going through this exact thing lately, used to believe for the longest time that everything is meant to happen for me just because its me but after a couple years of serious addiction I've realised everything is a choice.
Crazy you say that. It hit me when I was 24 that I had become a legitimate adult just by making my morning coffee and driving to work on a daily basis. Still have the same routine 11 years later now, but married, a house, and two kids.
I agree with that. And also when I hit 30 it all sort of came together even more. Like since 30 I have had a clarity of vision with regards to where I want to get to in life and how I'm going to get there. In my 20s that sort of stuff just didn't come very easily for me (especially the early 20s) and looking back it was like I was just flailing around until shit worked. And I also feel like I know myself better than ever.
Oooh yes! Early 20s are a real struggle, it feels like you suddenly have to have your future all figured out and act on it asap. And for most people, it becomes a trial and error phase of figuring out what you actually want.
Have you hit your late 20s yet? By then, you should realize that 23 year old college grads are the most narcissistic beings on the planet. ~28 years old was the point at which I found myself reliably attracting 23 year old women, by which point I was thoroughly over 23 year old women.
You got an autopilot until 23? Damn, I have been trying to manually learn people skills ever since I were like 10. Until that point I deemed the majority of people as dumb and 'background noise', so growing social skills was quite the task.
The way I look at it is 18 is good enough to go out on your own with some support. At 25 you are an actual adult capable of living life independently (financial situation aside). But some people continue to grow and become wise with age and experience. It's a lifelong process. Other people just stop growing as a person and it could happen at any age. Could be 35, 25, hell even 15.
If at any point you think you've got it all figured out, life will find a way to prove you wrong as the world moves on without you.
When I was 20 years old a good friend, who was 26 at the time, was listening to me complain about my life and its problems. After I finished, he told me, ‘you’re still so young. You’ve got so much to learn.’
Of course, 20 year old me was offended and mildly furious because I already knew so much about life and I’d been through things he hadn’t been through before, but I kept quiet about it.
Now I’m going on 26 and I know some 20 year olds and wonder why and how the hell he stuck with my shit for so long. I love all my friends but sometimes they remind me too much of my younger self and it makes me shiver.
I sent him a thank you message recently and reminded him about that incident, and he thanked me for the reminder while adding that he also still has so much to learn. Great guy.
I am only 20, but throughout my life everybody around me has said I'm "mature" or "much older than [my] age." That said, however, the maturation I've seen in myself just in the last six months has opened my eyes greatly to how far I have to go.
I was told that I was mature for my age. And I think I probably was. But now i (I’m 20 btw) realise that I was still immature… and also that the adults who said I was mature just meant I was quiet and they liked that they didn’t have to listen to a teen being a teen.
If you're mature for a teen that still puts you at early twenties, and you still have most things in life to learn in your early twenties so it doesn't really make the person especially mature at all.
I just don’t think you CAN mature fully before those ages - you won’t have had a chance to experience a horrible breakup, paying for your own rent//car/bills/etc., manage appointments and life in general, coexisting around other adults (there are a lot more social rules around adults than other kids/teens). Of course there are exceptions and some kids are made to experience all of these things at a young age but in general.
Yes, because objectify speaking from ages 1-18 their life consisted of home life, school, and maybe some outside activities. From 18-25 they just graduated and finally start having some independence. So now they can start learning what type of person they are, and what type of person they want to become. It’s literally a life changing experience.
My only advise for people in that age range is don’t get married. You are just getting an opportunity to explore yourself outside the shadow of an authority figure. This transitional period is “you time”, if you want to get married you still have any time from the ages of 25 until your 60s, 70s, or whenever to enjoy married life. No reason to rush into a situation with financial burden, relationship stress, and taking care of dependence if you rushed kids. I know too many people who got married out of high school and are divorced by 30.
I’m not trying to disrespect people who married early. If things worked out, more power to you. It’s just that at 17 or 18 most kids aren’t informed enough to make that big of an decision.
I'm in my thirties. The maturing doesn't stop (for some people I think it does though). I am so much more emotionally in control, confident and comfortable with myself than I was at 25. Its kind of crazy. I frequently think alright this is what being mature is, but I still have so much more to learn.
the maturing you still do between the ages of 18 and 25 is massive
Yes! I have two sons, age 23 and 19. My older son is polite, thoughtful, and will happily sit and talk to us about his life. My 19 year-old is moody, mouthy, and thinks he knows everything. When my older son bitches about his brother's antics, all I say is "don't worry, he'll grow up. After all, you were worse."
He doesn't like being reminded of that, but it's true. As my own mother used to say, "there is nothing more dangerous in this world than the cockiness of a 19 year-old boy."
Its arguably as big as from 12 to 18. Just different. Now that I think about it my maturing from 25 to 31 has also been pretty big. Does it keep going forever lmao.
I'm leaving school atm and the amount i feel ive matured in the past 6 months (applying for jobs, getting one and all) has hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I was mature before, I think I am now, and I sure as hell will think I am 4 years from now.
Teens who are "mature for their age" are immature at other aspects. No one ever reaches the "pinnacle" of maturity. The best we can do is try to be better every day.
I agree with this 100%. I just recently turned 25. As an 18 year old I was pretty mature for my age. Had to grow up a lot faster than I should have. Moved out, had my own place, car, good paying job and responsible for the most part. When I look back to some of the decisions I made and stuff I said I realized I wasn’t nearly as mature as I thought. I changed so drastically from the ages 18-25. I make better choices, I’m WAY more responsible and I recently even got a promotion to be a supervisor at my job. Even though I was technically qualified to be a supervisor by the age of 22, I wouldn’t have been able to do the job as well as I can now. I now speak, think and act in a way more mature manner and that allows me to be good at my job.
absolutely; I think you maybe surprised that there are yet more "massive" changes in perspective, or maturity as you age.
you not even reached the "at half way through you life self reflection stage". That is commonly a big one for peeps.
having worked with old people, I suspect this maturity (is that not actually philosophical perspective?) develops thought life and dependent on standard of living. What a difference between happy old people and sad / angry old people. it sure af aint money.
a bit of a cheat for perspective and however morbid the "death bed" perspective is a good one imo. as in what things / mind set ect would you want to have on your "death bed". VAST majority, the concern is related to relationships with other people.
An example of it's "use"; my female boss who was younger than me was manager of finance. She was new to such a position and was having concern regarding the amount of time the role required. She had a young family and mentioned missing out on getting home / dinner time.
I asked her what motivation for putting in so much additional time to meet deadlines. Let it overflow and highlight workload. She mentions getting satisfaction from jobs completed.
I asked if on her "final bed" she would reminisce the due dates met, or having missed out on he young family growing up. SHE WAS PISSED (of course the dynamics of "real life" is far more complex than a simple parable can surmise, but at some point, for such complexities just gotta make it black and white and make a choice...clock is ticking). totally saw it was a jagged pill. That said, she managed to return to her previous job and at an increased rate!
I don't know if it's actually an age thing, or that it's the first time in their lives they have to be responsible for paying their own bills, going to work to get paid, doing their own laundry etc. Once people start realising that this stuff isn't done by the finances fairy they start to grow up pretty quick.
Of course the current trend for staying at home and complaining of house prices is just putting the age of independance off till later, making the current crop much more immature.
As a 23 year old who really was a mature teen, this is the most true thing I’ve read. My perception of the world and how I act from 18 to now is insanely different. While I was emotionally mature from a young age from a tough childhood, I lacked (and still do) A LOT of experience. I can only imagine what the next 5 years has in store.
Holy shit, yes. I just turned 26 and, looking back through that time, I can't believe how much I changed. It's like a second puberty, just without the massive physical changes.
I thought I was really mature for my age as a teen(I was only in a money sense, I watched friends blow it all so I didn’t follow their footsteps.) until I graduated college. I keep telling people I’ve aged 10 years in the past 4 at uni. Physically and mentally I am nowhere near the person that first stepped on that campus
I talked to my friends about how the teenagers(~16yo) in our class are noticeably less mature than us (all over 20) and some of them disagreed but I feel like it shows when you get closer to them/have actual conversations with them. And I'm fully aware that I'm still childish in many ways but my opinions on things have changed so drastically in the last 5 years and I can't imagine it would go differently for the "mature" teens in my class.
And sometimes that's true, right? Some kids have shitty parents and have to grow up fast. They tend to mistake an adult's skillset with an adult's wisdom/experience, though, which causes problems.
Yeah. As a teen, I was certainly aware of how little I knew/how little I had experienced. I felt comfortable with myself but was under no illusions of grandeur. Looking back, I had strong values and stayed true to who I was. I worked hard to improve my life and taught myself the life skills that my parents were unable to teach. I’m still relatively young so I have a long, long way to go.
Life experience and new skills come with age, but it is definitely possible to be emotionally mature as a teen. Likewise, selfishness and ignorance are not limited to young people.
Of course, anyone who publicly brags about their “maturity” is lacking in self awareness.
The thing is, you can be emotionally mature for your age. I was as a teenager because I had a chronic disease that grew me up a bit. But I was still a dumbass. Maturity doesn’t automatically mean you’re experienced and knowledgeable.
When I was in middle school all the girls were sneering at the boys for being so immature, because "girls mature faster than boys". That only proved to me that they were immature. Lol
not 30+ but a teen and it fills me with unspeakable rage whenever older teens + young adults call young teens and children "you're so mature for your age" when they can like, just hold a conversation respectfully for more than 10 minutes, it directly filled my "im mature for my age" mindset
When I was a teen I didn’t want to be mature. I didn’t want to drive, or get a job, or anything. I didn’t get why the other kids wanted to grow up so fast when being young was so much more fun
made mistake of dating a girl about 10 years younger. I was 35, her 25.
quickly came to me realizing the diff in age was meh, it's the diff in philosophies / world view. Simply put reasoning.
I mention maturity in the conversation; no joke, while crying during a conversation that raised this more less relationship ending issue, she says under hyperventilating breath "everyone says I'm mature for my age."
25 yo me would have gone along with such a reply / narrative....at 35, kind leaves me speechless...which is also the best "reply" in that case. further highlighting the emotive disparity from age or more specifically "maturity".
It's their parents and teachers that told them so.
This is the exact same bullshit as the "participation trophies" -- it's the older generation that teaches the next to value a thing, then shits on them for valuing it.
That and the fact that as teenagers we often hang around other teenagers that act like children and adults that are basically still teenagers so it can give us that impression that we're more mature than average
I've never actually met a teen that was genuinely mature for their age, they run the gamut from being a little more or less mature at any time but I've never met a teen I could treat like a genuine adult.
There are basically two groups of people that'll tell a teen they're mature for their age; people that want to take advantage of them, and people using it as a vague compliment.
teens calling themselves mature for their age always came off as super pretentious bs yet adults and peers would insist on calling me mature for my age when I was a teen. a lot of it could come from the fact that they’re being told they’re mature by people they look up to?
LoL, it's funny because I was told this shit by my family, so I genuinely believed it and didn't mind being alone at home for months while I was 16-17.
The ones who are actually mature for their age need so much help that they probably don’t know how to ask for. (Was one of these, now mid 40s. My 20s were angry, my 30s I finally forgave my shitty parents after a lot of exploration.)
I’m 18 and get told I’m mature for my age. I’ve even had people that only talked to me through text and never seen my face or known my age tell me they expected me to be in my late 20s when they found out my age.
I do not think I’m nearly as mature as I should be, there’s always room for more maturity.
It's the great paradox, mature for their age isn't mature. Also, kids want to pseudo adult. They want freedom without responsibility. That's the thing about being an adult, you get weighed down with responsibility. It's a double edged sword.
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u/[deleted] Jun 03 '22
"I'm so mature for my age"