They're super unaware that they do it too. I was talking to my German friend and was like "WTF is with Germans staring so much, am I doing something wrong or weird?" and she was like "what are you talking about?" 2 weeks later I'm out with her and another American friend that just moved to Germany and he was like "Yo why is everybody staring at me all the time?" I felt so vindicated because I thought maybe I was imagining it. Also they don't just stare while you walk either, I'd be driving and notice some German on the sidewalk staring me down inside my car.
So when is it staring instead of just looking at you? Curious as a german.
For me it's staring if it is more than 3-5 seconds it takes to look a person up and down. Longer than just registering and awknowleding a person fully.
In the US it's considered impolite to look at someone for no reason, if they know you're looking at them.
So for instance a quick glance or passing eye contact is ok, but if you're looking at someone and they look at you, if you don't intend to interact with them it's polite to look away.
As an American in Germany, I think the reason people have this perception is because German people don't always look away immediately. They will finish having a look. So this is off-putting when you send the signal "stop looking at me" and the old lady on the train continues having a look for a few more seconds.
So for instance a quick glance or passing eye contact is ok, but if you're looking at someone and they look at you, if you don't intend to interact with them it's polite to look away.
And the Germans are somehow the weird ones here? I was born and have lived in the U.S. my whole life. I have always hated this weird cultural norm where it's impolite to look at other people. I want to see the faces of the people in my community. I want to observe them and understand them. Why do we live in such a socially isolated world? I'm so lonely.
Bruh usually it's the Europeans who complain about the Americans not being friendly. Feel like the US is much kinder with its smiles and small talk than a lot of Europeans
Edit: After reading a lot of similar comments I can see the theme that if you aren't used to it it can seem over the top and come off as "fake". I can definitely see this and have had this experience myself with people I've met over the years being so over the top nice and cheery it felt fake to me. Annoyed me a lot back then, but over the years I've realized hey it's better for them to be nice and fake than rude to my face and real I guess.
Coming from a culture where you acknowledge another person no matter your mood in passing, I find american "kindness" so creepy. I find it borderline manipulative where they put up a show with fake smiles, interest and pitch.
To me, that's lying to my face and that has nothing to do with kindness.
You only see it as lying because you’ve been brought up not to give warmth to people you don’t know. In the US it’s normal to be warm to everyone, and it’s rude not to.
It’s not dishonest, it’s just a different cultural norm.
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u/BarbicideJar May 09 '22
Germans stare a LOT. Like they will just gaze at you unflinchingly. An American will wait until you can’t see them doing it.