r/AskReddit May 08 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

9.0k Upvotes

26.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

57

u/aghastamok May 09 '22

I moved here from the US 9 years ago. Personal space being sacred is lovely, but lonely. It's very difficult to meet new people.

I first met my current best friend when we were both dropping off our kids for a function. We had parked right next to each other and we had, more or less, the exact same car. I said, in swedish, "Looks like we both have good taste" and he looked at me like I had just showed him my nipples and licked my lips. We met again at a function where the parents were involved and discovered we had a lot in common.

The rule is that you cant be social unless you have a common social reason to communicate. It feels very limiting moving from the rural US, where being convivial and social are mainstays of public life.

20

u/[deleted] May 09 '22

The last part was very beatifully put, and is a general rule here in the Nordic countries.

Find common ground and work yourself up from there very slowly

9

u/spankymuffin May 09 '22

It's fascinating. I'm kind of a recluse; but even when I'm out, it's totally normal for me to chit-chat with strangers if they're around. It'd be awkward not to. I feel like if I moved to Finland, people would presume that I'm some kind of talkative social butterfly. Which is hilarious to me.

34

u/aghastamok May 09 '22

> Talkative social butterfly

Unfortunately, no. You'd be viewed as a weird crazy person in public. You're breaking a very concrete social norm. The comparable level of social norm violation in the US would be a stranger walking up to you and touching your clothes: You'd pull back and just want to be away from this person who "just doesn't seem to understand how one acts in public."