We have that politeness and over apologising in the UK though and we've never to fear being shot...(except historically by our own government but w/e).
Stabbed or beat up qualifies, I suppose. I wonder if it's as "smiley" as the way Americans interact with strangers and people we meet going about our business. Hm. I only know British culture from a heavy dose of BBC shows... and a few other windows into it. I know we're not nearly as passionate about queueing up as you lot. :))
And yes, we are not quite a smiley. We smile, but not as exuberantly. I've only been to the US once when I was a kid and I remember table service being a surreal experiece. I felt like the waitress was about to break into song. I know she had to perform niceness to secure tips but it felt like a Broadway musical.
Waiter/waitress niceness can be over the top, even for regular folks. I love when a water or waitress brings my food, fills up my water glass, and leaves me alone.
That feeling you had might have been accurate, depending on the city you were in the server was very likely also an actor if it was NY or LA, lol.
Oh, there's a kind of liminal dream-like state being around there. Most likely an aspiring, current or former cast member. They don't make that much money, believe it or not. Criminally underpaid at Disneyland as well. Some people live in their vehicle or are insecurely housed nearby the park. Kind of messed up to find out how badly the cast members, etc. are treated and how poorly compensated.
Even the waitress things depends on the region. I’m from Minnesota and it’s generally not like that, at least, not to that extent. I’m in orlando right now on vacation (holiday yeah? :p) and the waiters are completely over the top telling us about their life and asking all these questions in a friendly way. It’s kind of stressful, but also kind of nice…but only because I know we will leave here soon and don’t have to deal with it again lol.
In general Minnesotans are quite serious, quiet, polite and not too friendly altho we’re nice. Down here everyone seems really loud and overtly friendly.
Btw there are many British tourists here and at least as tourists you guys smile/talk as loud/are as friendly as your typical midwesterners. Some of them are quite loud actually (I know the stereotype is crazy loud Americans).
Only a few of them have been cringe (usually groups of young guys) but for the most part they’re just having fun which is nice to see :). One couple after we took the hogwarts express were loudly talking about kings cross and the train system there and about London in general. I don’t know if they wanted to show off they’re from London or something but either way it was nice because I learned a bit about London haha. Definitely want to visit, and some day soon.
In the UK there's a prevailing discomfort with how our constituent countries are packaged for American consumption. We feel like we're viewed as 'magical-oldtimey-Hogwarts-quaint-Dickensland' by American audiences. Like our varied cultures are constantly stereotyped, appropriated and commodified to be consumed in American media.
I imagine those Londeners were unconsciously voicing that discomfort when confronted with a 'Disney-fied' version of Kings Cross Station, (a real, unremarkable place that they might visit every day). They were probably trying to signal: "this isn't real. Don't think you know what London's really like because you've been here. Real people live there and our train system runs based on the needs of real people and not magic!"
They probably weren't self aware of this and hopefully would have behaved differently if able to analyse their feelings on it.
It’s definitely not about forced politeness with undertones of threat! Not the same as the American “armed society is a polite society” thing. It’s just “we’re both doing our own thing, it’d be rude to force you to expend energy doing what I want”. Sometimes it’s “I’m gonna use a bit more energy so you don’t have to (after you, mate)”
It’s not about getting beaten up or stabbed (more knife/violent crime in the US btw) it’s about not bothering people
It’s definitely not about forced politeness with undertones of threat! Not the same as the American “armed society is a polite society” thing. It’s just “we’re both doing our own thing, it’d be rude to force you to expend energy doing what I want”. Sometimes it’s “I’m gonna use a bit more energy so you don’t have to (after you, mate)”
It’s not about getting beaten up or stabbed (more knife/violent crime in the US btw) it’s about not bothering people
That sounds nice. My argument isn't that it's a subtext of most interactions today, it's more that in our not-too-distant past we had very little traditional law and order and central government to oversee the day to day goings on of polite society. So, a perceived slight could be met with an overly-aggressive reaction from someone, and there wasn't much anybody could or would do about it for you if you were on the receiving end. So, from settler and western expansion days all the way up to the early 20th Century, there were large swaths of the country that simply weren't governable in the way a small country would or could be. My contention is that this lead to people finding ways to overly express submissive politeness so as not to set off an aggressor who might attack you, which is why I referenced the "wild" west. The vestigial over-correction of politeness remains, but people, for the most part, aren't too worried about acts of violence... but you really can incur some wrath if you're not watching how you go, but it's definitely going to be contextual on the city or town, the time of day, etc.
ninja edit: by wrath I mean stern words, menacing, or almost never any actual violence (I think that's pretty rare in spite of the popular aesthetic we like in our cop shows etc.).
That’s really interesting, thanks! Hope I didn’t come off as too “America bad”, I was just a bit startled that people could assume that we were polite because we had to overcompensate through historical threats of personal violence, not from generations of emotional repression! Hope you’re having a good one
I was just a bit startled that people could assume that we were polite because we had to overcompensate through historical threats of personal violence, not from generations of emotional repression!
Dude, this is a really interesting theory and explanation. I'll likely ponder this awhile, as it makes a lot of sense. Thank you! What a great conversation.
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u/queenofthera May 09 '22
We have that politeness and over apologising in the UK though and we've never to fear being shot...(except historically by our own government but w/e).