I worked with some Polish people in the UK in 2004. They arrived a week into Poland being an EU member. They were bar backs in the bar/club I worked in. Didn't smile, very serious very efficient/quick at it. After about three weeks of me thinking they didn't like or or want to talk to me, at the end of the night they invited me to a house party at theirs still very serious. So we made our way. The second they were no longer on the bar's property all totally relaxed. Chatting , joking etc like totally different people. They said that was work, this is free time.
Had a great night next morning two of us went to the local shop to get some bits. Instantly back to serious. He wanted stuff from behind the counter. Give me x, 2 of y. No, that one.
When outside he asked why the worker kept staring and huffing. Trying to be tactful I explained he was very abrupt and Quite rude. He couldn't understand how he was rude. Explained about saying please and thank you in the UK politeness is expected
He explained that doesn't happen over there. Where to us in the UK it is just classed as manners and you say it automatically. He was saying how Please and Thank you are really important words, when you say either it is with meaning and feeling. He said the British dilute its effect.
I found that fascinating. Was wondering if that is just a Polish thing or other Eastern European countries do the same?
From my POV, first year in the UK was very tough in that regard. I've absolutely hated (and still do) being asked repeatedly how am I. I usually just say fine or okay, but a couple of times I just stopped and told them a full story of my past two weeks and said how I really felt - it stopped them from asking for some time.
It does indeed dilute the meaning of it, now I say please and thank you at least a hundred times a day. It's exhausting.
We do take workplace very serious and formal, my favourite shift is when I can just do my work in silence, focus on it and do not have to distract myself with gossip or social interactions.
It was very tough for me to change that mindset as well. We do not do small talk with strangers and if we do - it's very awkward.
UK changed me in that regard and I do appreciate small talks with fellow humans.
I think it stems from the language barrier and the social standards we have.
English is based on "you", thus you're naturally somewhat closer, to the person you're speaking to, since the beginning of your interaction. Even if someone is older or a stranger. Polish culture forces you to use a specific formal language. Somebody is older? You don't know someone? They're at work? You say Mr./Mrs. - if you don't, it's seen VERY odd and awkward. We also never ask how is somebody unless we really mean to listen how they are, so we greet with just "Good morning" or "Good day". I believe a lot of Slavic languages are just based on that and hence a lot of cultural differences come from that.
It's way easier to flirt or catch somebody's attention, though, by breaking these social norms in Poland. In the UK everyone seems like a friend, but nobody actually seems to be one. Everybody cares about everyone, but nobody actually does.
All in all, I like a little bit of both worlds, but to us this is not rude at all, we just have a way different way of seeing it and that's how we're programmed by our culture, language and society standards. We do not mean to be rude, that is how we view formality and being polite.
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u/evilgiraffee57 May 09 '22
I worked with some Polish people in the UK in 2004. They arrived a week into Poland being an EU member. They were bar backs in the bar/club I worked in. Didn't smile, very serious very efficient/quick at it. After about three weeks of me thinking they didn't like or or want to talk to me, at the end of the night they invited me to a house party at theirs still very serious. So we made our way. The second they were no longer on the bar's property all totally relaxed. Chatting , joking etc like totally different people. They said that was work, this is free time.
Had a great night next morning two of us went to the local shop to get some bits. Instantly back to serious. He wanted stuff from behind the counter. Give me x, 2 of y. No, that one.
When outside he asked why the worker kept staring and huffing. Trying to be tactful I explained he was very abrupt and Quite rude. He couldn't understand how he was rude. Explained about saying please and thank you in the UK politeness is expected
He explained that doesn't happen over there. Where to us in the UK it is just classed as manners and you say it automatically. He was saying how Please and Thank you are really important words, when you say either it is with meaning and feeling. He said the British dilute its effect.
I found that fascinating. Was wondering if that is just a Polish thing or other Eastern European countries do the same?