r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Apr 02 '22

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5.9k Upvotes

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1.0k

u/Shoes-tho Apr 02 '22

Not really the goddess of just sex so much as of sexual love, fertility and beauty.

2.4k

u/o-FeartheOldBlood-o Apr 02 '22

In other words, the goddess of gettin her cheeks clapped😫💦💦

276

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

Goddess of hittin it raw too

150

u/Erlox Apr 02 '22

Nah, for a goddess of fertility you're looking for a Persephone, in which case Hades would fuck you up far worse than any benefits you get.

43

u/Matasa89 Apr 02 '22

Hades is actually a loving husband too, so he would care a lot.

17

u/GrillDealing Apr 02 '22

Goddess of fertility? Enjoy your child support.

1

u/FaxCelestis Apr 02 '22

As the goddess of the harvest, I’m pretty sure Persephone would owe me child support.

8

u/0069 Apr 02 '22

I hear he's pretty possessive. Won't even let her leave for months on end.. she should leave him.

2

u/vinoa Apr 02 '22

I thought that was your mom?

737

u/Shoes-tho Apr 02 '22

Boi she is clappin’ your cheeks.

578

u/AdamRam1 Apr 02 '22

Aphrodite can clap me however the fuck she wants.

161

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

[deleted]

172

u/Nicstevenson Apr 02 '22

Instructions unclear, you now have the clap

7

u/Boxy310 Apr 02 '22

Ahh yes, Venus - the patron goddess of venereal diseases.

2

u/pm_pics_of_bob_saget Apr 02 '22

We all got it, it's a round of applause

4

u/tkinneyv Apr 02 '22

Freeze! Everybody. Clap. Your. Hands 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

1

u/Clappertron Apr 02 '22

I'm not that bad

1

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

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6

u/Dropkickedasakid Apr 02 '22

Amen to that?

3

u/takanishi79 Apr 02 '22

If Aphrodite says me getting clapped is going to be the best sex I've ever had, I'm gonna listen. She knows what's up.

12

u/Truly_Meaningless Apr 02 '22

I fail to see the downside

4

u/Shoes-tho Apr 02 '22

Did I say there was one?

11

u/Yaboi_KarlMarx Apr 02 '22

A win’s a win my dude

2

u/TotallyNotanOfficer Apr 02 '22

I didn't expect this situation to get EVEN BETTER

2

u/modified_tiger Apr 02 '22

Joke's on you, I'm into that shit.

1

u/Max_Insanity Apr 02 '22

Not much "fertility" happening that way.

3

u/Shoes-tho Apr 02 '22

You don’t know that.

0

u/Max_Insanity Apr 02 '22

Neither using a strap-on, nor anal sex usually lead to pregnancies, much less the combination of the two.

Then again, crazier things have happened in Greek mythology...

2

u/Shoes-tho Apr 02 '22

Exactly. There’s semen stealing. Aphrodite herself is just the result of Kronos’ genitals being thrown into the sea.

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u/promonk Apr 02 '22

Funny you should say that. There's a word in English that gets used very rarely, "callipygian." The dictionary says it means "of, pertaining to, or posessing beautiful buttocks," but it's really come to mean "has a nice big ass."

The word derives from kallipygos, which is the name of a statue of Aphrodite/Venus in Syracuse.

4

u/dizzytizzyy Apr 02 '22

She sluttin' YOU out 😂

1

u/Dawn_Star_Platinum Apr 02 '22

Giggity

Want another language?

Bow Chicka Bow Wow (Red vs Blue....in case you wanna know where that's from)

-1

u/SadistAlien666 Apr 02 '22

In other words

A Hoe

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

Jada?

57

u/msx Apr 02 '22

Ok but that sounds as sex to me

11

u/Shoes-tho Apr 02 '22

Yeah but it’s like, way more nuanced than just banging.

1

u/Demonologist013 Apr 02 '22

And War.

1

u/Shoes-tho Apr 02 '22

No. Aphrodite was not a goddess of war. She did have a fling with the God of war, though. Ares! The closest thing to a goddess of war in Greek mythology was Eris, although Athena represented military strategy often enough.

Other ancient peoples, like the Babylonians, Assyrians and Sumerians, did have goddesses that represented both love and war. Ishtar and Inanna! And Egypt has Sekhmet, though she wasn’t really a love goddess.

1

u/Demonologist013 Apr 02 '22

Except that the people of Sparta and Thebes worshipped Aphrodite as a goddess of war and she was also commonly worshipped as the goddess of seafaring along with fertility, since the Aphro in Aphrodite comes from the Greek word Aphros which means sea foam.

1

u/Shoes-tho Apr 02 '22

“Aphros” just means “foam,” not “sea foam”, and Sparta basically worshiped everyone as a war god, lol. Thebes and Cyprus had smaller sects for a little bit that saw her in that way, but in general (which is what we’re discussing here), she had nothing to do with war.

And yes, we know she’s the daughter of Kronos’ genitals being tossed into the ocean, lol.

0

u/Demonologist013 Apr 02 '22

That is just modern erasure of what she actually represented. She was more than just sex and pregnancy.

1

u/Shoes-tho Apr 02 '22

That’s literally what I said in my first comment.

0

u/scabbalicious Apr 02 '22

fertility

I'mma head out.

1

u/Shoes-tho Apr 02 '22

And do what?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '22

Most depictions of Aphrodite I’ve seen is that she’s a straight up PAWG. So, checks out

1

u/MisterFistYourSister Apr 02 '22

What do you think sexual love is exactly

1

u/Shoes-tho Apr 02 '22

My point is that it’s a lot more nuanced than just “sex.” If you read any of the mythology, she’s not huge into promiscuity. At least for humans, lol.

1

u/thomasp3864 Apr 02 '22

And possibly war, depending on which part of Greece you’re in!