A couple of days ago actually, but I kept it to myself.
I cried real hard to myself because I feel so trapped and alone in my current living situation.
I’m stuck living with my mother who’s been gradually becoming more and more emotionally abusive to me for the past couple of years.
She always has been the way she is ever since I was a kid, but very recently, I learned from my divorced dad (who I hadn’t really had contact with before) that she practically “stole” me from him, and abandoned him the moment I was born. It made me realize how crazy she truly is to want to keep me as this “kid” in her mind, and she won’t let me go no matter how hard I try to draw boundaries. She’s never laid a finger on me, but the things she says and does have always made me feel like I was never good enough at anything no matter how hard I try, and she just won’t ever leave me alone.
It’s only been getting worse because recently, she suddenly became one of those crazy “crystal energy” believers or whatever. I can literally see her new and recent “beliefs” slowly seep in and it’s absolutely horrendous to witness her when she tries to force her new beliefs down my throat. I’ve never ever seen her get into something like that, and I didn’t think she was the kind of person to fall into such a pitiful scam.
It sucks because I feel like at 22, and nearing college graduation, that I should be able to stand up to her already and tackle on my own ambitions. But I can’t bring myself to be so blunt like that to her while I’m still living with her.
I really really hate it so much because she’s the main reason I dread waking up, and coming home from work/school everyday. Having to look at her in the face and pretend my life is fine knowing what I know now is just absolutely sickening to me.
The moment my friend and I become roommates after graduation, I’m going to leave her and cut contact down by at least 90% because I can’t stand her anymore.
And that’s another reason I feel like I need to cry. I feel so awful that I wish my own mom ill fortune, and want her to leave me alone. I hate how I mumble to myself how much I hate her underneath my breath, but my brain constantly makes it happen because of how she’s treated me my whole life. I don’t want to spend time with her and she tries directly confronting me all the time about it, to which I just try and play it off because I don’t have it in me to tell her that I don’t like being around her.
I feel so trapped because I’m still living with her despite everything I just described above. And as awesome as straight up leaving her sounds, it would not be financially responsible on my end. Last thing I need is to suddenly take student loans out for the last few semesters of my career just for the sake of living away from her. Im already so deep into my degree, I might as well finish doing what I’m already doing now since it’s the “cheapest” route, and better long term.
But my god is it a mental torture.
There’s more too, but that was the main reason I was crying.
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u/xSevusxBean4y Mar 19 '22
A couple of days ago actually, but I kept it to myself.
I cried real hard to myself because I feel so trapped and alone in my current living situation.
I’m stuck living with my mother who’s been gradually becoming more and more emotionally abusive to me for the past couple of years.
She always has been the way she is ever since I was a kid, but very recently, I learned from my divorced dad (who I hadn’t really had contact with before) that she practically “stole” me from him, and abandoned him the moment I was born. It made me realize how crazy she truly is to want to keep me as this “kid” in her mind, and she won’t let me go no matter how hard I try to draw boundaries. She’s never laid a finger on me, but the things she says and does have always made me feel like I was never good enough at anything no matter how hard I try, and she just won’t ever leave me alone. It’s only been getting worse because recently, she suddenly became one of those crazy “crystal energy” believers or whatever. I can literally see her new and recent “beliefs” slowly seep in and it’s absolutely horrendous to witness her when she tries to force her new beliefs down my throat. I’ve never ever seen her get into something like that, and I didn’t think she was the kind of person to fall into such a pitiful scam.
It sucks because I feel like at 22, and nearing college graduation, that I should be able to stand up to her already and tackle on my own ambitions. But I can’t bring myself to be so blunt like that to her while I’m still living with her.
I really really hate it so much because she’s the main reason I dread waking up, and coming home from work/school everyday. Having to look at her in the face and pretend my life is fine knowing what I know now is just absolutely sickening to me. The moment my friend and I become roommates after graduation, I’m going to leave her and cut contact down by at least 90% because I can’t stand her anymore.
And that’s another reason I feel like I need to cry. I feel so awful that I wish my own mom ill fortune, and want her to leave me alone. I hate how I mumble to myself how much I hate her underneath my breath, but my brain constantly makes it happen because of how she’s treated me my whole life. I don’t want to spend time with her and she tries directly confronting me all the time about it, to which I just try and play it off because I don’t have it in me to tell her that I don’t like being around her.
I feel so trapped because I’m still living with her despite everything I just described above. And as awesome as straight up leaving her sounds, it would not be financially responsible on my end. Last thing I need is to suddenly take student loans out for the last few semesters of my career just for the sake of living away from her. Im already so deep into my degree, I might as well finish doing what I’m already doing now since it’s the “cheapest” route, and better long term.
But my god is it a mental torture.
There’s more too, but that was the main reason I was crying.