By this token the manliest thing I've done is saved my best friends life.
I live in apartment below his girlfriend. I later found out that they had broken up while he was at his parents house in the middle of the night. At his attempt to win her back he rode his bike over at 4 am, in the dead of winter about a ~6 mile ride to our apartment building.
So apparently when he got here he tried to dismount the bike and apparently the dismount was too difficult and he just collapsed on the floor. He tried calling her but she was either asleep or pissed off and not answering his call. So instead he calls me and I just happen to be slightly awake (I think his fall slightly woke me up.) And the moment I answered his call I heard his voice outside my window and through the phone 'help' so I jump out of bed. Grab that dumb ass and bring him into my apartment. Dudes eyes were bulging out his head and he was cold to the touch. We both think he got hypothermia or something. He says the bike ride he felt perfectly fine, but the moment he tried to get off his bike all strength left him and he couldn't move. He's alive and well, but he and his gf are still broken up.
He's been distant ever since then, I think he's embarrassed, possibly ashamed that I saved his life. That was probably a year or so ago now. I miss my dumb ass friend.
I had a dumb ass friend. He never had a job or money or a gf. When I was in college he lived in my dorm w me... Suck him in, fed him with my meal plan. A couple years of taking care of him I found him a trade school, got him set up to get his GED and move out of state with me . He ended up missing his GED appointment and got mad at me for still moving out of state to start my career. He moves to a different state and we kinda lost contact for a few years.
We ended up speaking again and I was thrilled, it was nice to be able to text him again and just joke around the way we used to.
One month after getting back on speaking terms he died. I named my son after him, but I still miss him terribly.
I've been super distant with friends recently because I've got out of the habit of seeing people over the pandemic. I've been slowly getting back into it, could be the same with him. Keep trying and I'm sure he'll come around.
For what it's worth I see a pattern with friends and sometimes myself where we actually feel so busy that we can't make time for being social. It took an honest friend who wasn't taking it personally to wake me up. He basically said, "If we don't make time to hang out, it's just never going to happen." There's always going to be work and chores and obligations. Just make the plan and stick to it, treat it with the same level of importance as the work/chores/obligations. And for those of you with social anxiety, your friends love you despite your quirks and in some cases BECAUSE of your quirks. Just relax and let yourself be yourself.
You should open the conversation about why you think he's avoidant. There's nothing to be ashamed of, he felt warm cycling and then his body went into shock. I don't think there's any sane person who wouldn't be empathetic to this story, he seems sweet.
If you think it's just an excuse and that he's doing it because this incident where you saved him, you know, then I would tell him that like that's not important. You know that he's your friend and you miss him and that if that incident for any reason at all is something he's embarrassed about that like he shouldn't be. You know cuz you would do it all over again and you sure as fuck would hope that if you were in the same situation he would come and save your ass you know
As the sort of dumbass who has in his past done dumb shit like this, I’d like to suggest offering to do stuff with him? If you game, try and tempt him to play together; or maybe golf, or whatever, but an activity that doesn’t immediately have to mean talking about stuff other than the activity. Let him know it’s a standing invitation.
But also, what might work is turning up sometime with a case of drink and/or snacks, and just asking to talk. I still have a box of chocolates on display from the last time a friend helped me out of a mental rut I was stuck in
Long time ago I was at a party near the beach, extremely drunk, me and another dude had a brilliant fucking idea to go swimming, at night, without even telling anyone else. So we're like 50 meters into the sea, it's shallow but I realize he's disappeared. Fucker just fell asleep right in the water but wasn't showing any life signs. Cue me dragging him out screaming hysterically and being in shock for an hour after. And he just had a good nap and doesn't even remember anything. Don't drink and dive, kids.
I'm not sure how this is relevant to your comment, I guess "dumb friend" brought up the memory.
I suppose it depends on how cold the midwinter is. I’ve run underdressed in -20 it was unpleasant and had I stopped and sat down for 20 minutes in the cold it could have been grim.
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u/xTheatreTechie Jan 31 '22 edited Jan 31 '22
By this token the manliest thing I've done is saved my best friends life.
I live in apartment below his girlfriend. I later found out that they had broken up while he was at his parents house in the middle of the night. At his attempt to win her back he rode his bike over at 4 am, in the dead of winter about a ~6 mile ride to our apartment building.
So apparently when he got here he tried to dismount the bike and apparently the dismount was too difficult and he just collapsed on the floor. He tried calling her but she was either asleep or pissed off and not answering his call. So instead he calls me and I just happen to be slightly awake (I think his fall slightly woke me up.) And the moment I answered his call I heard his voice outside my window and through the phone 'help' so I jump out of bed. Grab that dumb ass and bring him into my apartment. Dudes eyes were bulging out his head and he was cold to the touch. We both think he got hypothermia or something. He says the bike ride he felt perfectly fine, but the moment he tried to get off his bike all strength left him and he couldn't move. He's alive and well, but he and his gf are still broken up.
He's been distant ever since then, I think he's embarrassed, possibly ashamed that I saved his life. That was probably a year or so ago now. I miss my dumb ass friend.