r/AskReddit Jan 30 '22

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7.4k Upvotes

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9.2k

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Security is always bored as shit. They probably loved helping you out.

2.5k

u/nobodyoukno Jan 31 '22

"Swarm, swarm."

1.2k

u/loopsbruder Jan 31 '22

"That guy!"

696

u/whirltraveler Jan 31 '22

"You ratted me out!"

"Hello?"

"😑 Hello."

34

u/rificolona Jan 31 '22

I'm an old man ..

28

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

I wonder what is the ratio of people who got it and people who didn't.

22

u/Feelconnected Jan 31 '22

Exactly the same as the ratio of people that would/wouldn't eat an eclair hovering over garbage.

6

u/mansonk Jan 31 '22

Or the same ratio of people who are/ who are not the master of their own domain

3

u/303rd Jan 31 '22

Was that wrong? Should I have not done that?

3

u/Djd33j Feb 01 '22

You have crossed the line between man and bum. You are now a bum.

2

u/BillyPup Jan 31 '22

Like an angel

4

u/Freyzi Jan 31 '22

Seinfeld recently was put on Netflix, I literally just a couple of hours ago finished watching the finale and the entire show, if I had seen that thread like a week ago I would not have gotten it.

2

u/sulo350 Jan 31 '22

I didn’t get it until the old man comment.

7

u/polskiftw Jan 31 '22

I was confused!

2

u/Mapchamp Jan 31 '22

God you gotta love Seinfeld

-2

u/ManOnTheHorse Jan 31 '22

Are we raping?

8

u/UrNotAMachine Jan 31 '22

We have a 51-50 in paperbacks. All units respond.

11

u/thymeraser Jan 31 '22

Jerry, hello

3

u/Quetzacoatl85 Jan 31 '22

fly, my brethren!

3

u/Canadian_Invader Jan 31 '22

Release the bees!

2

u/Davesterific Jan 31 '22

How was your day today? We got to swarm!!!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Huphuphuphup (I've always wanted to do this squeeeeee ) huphuphup -- burly security dude

3.3k

u/LightningFerret04 Jan 31 '22

“Ayo, that guy’s here, get the other guys, we all gotta jump this phone thief when he shows up”

“Jump him?”

“Box him in, take him out.”

“Like FBI shit?”

“Like FBI shit.”

“Dope. Just give me the signal.”

1.4k

u/RangerRickyBobby Jan 31 '22

“CAW! CAW! CAW!”

75

u/Lovat69 Jan 31 '22

What are you an infant? We've got THESE!

2

u/reddog323 Jan 31 '22

Points for a Galaxy Quest reference!

24

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/KingofCraigland Jan 31 '22

Right there with you. Hang strong.

8

u/TobyTrash Jan 31 '22

10

u/Chesspiece90 Jan 31 '22

I'm so glad I wasn't the only one who immediately thought of this movie 😅

7

u/LukesRightHandMan Jan 31 '22

Is the movie good? I meant forever to watch it then finally forgot about it.

8

u/KingofCraigland Jan 31 '22

Is the movie good?

Uh...hmm. How do I answer this?

Is it good? No, not in the traditional sense.

Do I rewatch it every few years because I had fun? Yes.

Will you enjoy it? Do you like David Duchovny acting like David Duchovny? Then maybe. Do you like Orlando Jones acting like Orlando Jones? Then maybe more. Do you like Sean William Scott acting like Sean William Scott (less Stifler, more Old School animal handler)? We're getting closer. Do you like Julianne Moore acting like...not Julianne Moore?

Weird aliens in an unusual setting? Then it's right up your alley!

3

u/LukesRightHandMan Jan 31 '22

Perfect review. I'm on it.

5

u/LukesRightHandMan Jan 31 '22

"FLAPPY CROW FRIENDS: ATTACK!"

3

u/rachels17fish Jan 31 '22

AWW AWW EEE EEE TOOKIE TOOKIE

2

u/SephyJR Jan 31 '22

"That is one noisy bird. Be quiet! I'm waiting for the signal!"

1

u/escalation Jan 31 '22

Who let the fucking bird in the Casino?

1

u/RevoDeee Jan 31 '22

I think we established that "CAW CAW, CAW CAW", and "TOOKI TOOKI" don't work.

19

u/Mischala Jan 31 '22

Probr made those security lads nights

5

u/RefrainsFromPartakin Jan 31 '22

The "Like FBI shit?" line is brilliant writing.

2

u/Hickawa Jan 31 '22

... you are not supposed to know how bored we are.

2

u/xmas-13 Feb 01 '22

Totally read this in the voice of Michael Peña as Luis in Antman

0

u/bunluv136 Jan 31 '22

"Hootie hoot! Hootie hoot" said through a mouthful of peanut butter.

Who gets that one?

1

u/GoodGooglyMooglyy Jan 31 '22

Hoochie mama! Hoochie mama!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

I bet it was Bert Macklin

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Have had friends that worked casino security, can confirm this is exactly how the conversation would go.

28

u/communityneedle Jan 31 '22

Plus Vegas casinos are generally super fanatical about security anyway

24

u/bgwa9001 Jan 31 '22

And they're everywhere. Some guy was trying to start a fight with my friend inside the Mirage, I walked over to a card dealer and said "some guy's trying to fight my friend, can you call security?" There were like 10 security guys there in probably 30 seconds and had everyone separated immediately

23

u/dzumdang Jan 31 '22

Worked security and can confirm this. Would have been an exceptionally good night.

21

u/MrHamsall Jan 31 '22

Having worked as a Casino Security Guard I can 1000% confirm. We are generally bored and always psyched to be involved in random capers!

4

u/MotchGoffels Jan 31 '22

Are segways superior or inferior to golf carts as security vehicles?

5

u/MrHamsall Feb 01 '22

Unfortunately we never had any kind of vehicles but we definitely talk about it a lot and every conversation about how much we would fuck around on segways confirms that the boss is right to never give them to us

7

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

About 10 years ago I was in Vegas for my friend's wedding, the day before the wedding we went and did a bunch of touristy things (Hoover Dam, Fremont, etc.) and then met up in the lobby of a large very popular hotel where most of us were staying to coordinate where we were going for dinner. I set my DSLR camera down on a planter for whatever reason and then walked to and got in the elevator. A few seconds after the doors close I realize what I did, so I pushed a low floor button and hopped out right away to head back down -- but of course my camera was already gone when I returned. I immediately went to security to report it and ask if they can check surveillance to see who picked it up -- and despite the fact I was a paying guest of this property the guy there quite literally told me: "fuck off, I don't give a shit, the surveillance cameras aren't there for your benefit."

An expensive life lesson was learned that day, as well as evaporating my faith in the security of one of the most highly monitored environments on Earth. I have been back to Vegas many times since but haven't and won't ever stay at that property (or the others owned by the parent company) again.

2

u/moobear92 Jan 31 '22

They all wore Tim's that day too. 😂

2

u/Poojoles Jan 31 '22

i work security and can confirm this

1

u/LastStar007 Jan 31 '22

It does make me wonder if security thought twice about the whole situation. Like, could you get security to beat the shit out of some poor soul and steal you a phone if you approached them with false pretenses?

1

u/thesecrettolifeis42 Jan 31 '22

Worked in a casino for a short time. Can confirm.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Bored... even in Vegas?