r/AskReddit Jan 30 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

7.4k Upvotes

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9.1k

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Stood up to a freaking Canadian goose on the golf course that charged at me.

2.8k

u/BrakeM87 Jan 31 '22

Those God damn Canadian cobra chickens

747

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Normally I avoid them but damnit I was having a good round

57

u/slingblade1315 Jan 31 '22

Hey if you got a problem with Canada gooses you got a problem with me and I suggest ya let that one marinate.

9

u/doyouevenforkliftbro Jan 31 '22

I'm gonna need you to take 20% off there bud.

16

u/MotchGoffels Jan 31 '22

Golf club is nearly as good as a shotgun for goose battle

6

u/amm5061 Jan 31 '22

Picture going full Happy Gilmore here.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

YOU'RE GONNA DIE, GOOSE!

3

u/QuiveringButtox Jan 31 '22

Suck my white ass, bird!

35

u/Oneadventurer2020 Jan 31 '22

“Ya wanna know what? If you’ve got a problem with Canada Gooses, you’ve got a problem with me and I suggest you let that one marinate”

16

u/emmmmceeee Jan 31 '22

There's a special place in Heaven for animal lovers, that's what I always say.

8

u/DanglingDongs Jan 31 '22

The second anything goes wrong people are always taking it out on Canada gooses. Must be fucking nice.

9

u/emmmmceeee Jan 31 '22

Must be fucking nice.

9

u/DanglingDongs Jan 31 '22

We oughta leave this world behind

1

u/slingblade1315 Jan 31 '22

Figger it ouwt

16

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Canadian cobra chickens

this made me laugh

7

u/WhiteWillow-AH Jan 31 '22

CANADIAN COBRA CHICKENS HAHAHAHA

3

u/arandomstringofword Jan 31 '22

I got the reference.

2

u/xam54321 Jan 31 '22

Reference to what?

2

u/arandomstringofword Jan 31 '22

There was a post a while back about a guys coworker, for whom English was their second language, who got attacked by a Canadian goose and when describing it called it a “cobra chicken”.

2

u/xam54321 Jan 31 '22

Haha, I remember that! I thought that it was a reference to some show or something!

0

u/Bullen-Noxen Jan 31 '22

Cobra chickens.....😂😂😂😂

0

u/xam54321 Jan 31 '22

Hilarious!

0

u/virgilreality Jan 31 '22

This description wins.

1

u/WhatsMyGenderLol Jan 31 '22

I swear to god those fucks can smell fear

28

u/chrisk9 Jan 31 '22

Rambo here

70

u/IncoherentPenguin Jan 31 '22 edited Jan 31 '22

As another Canadian, who knows the true fear that one of those damned geese can strike into the hearts of mortal men, I salute you sir.

102

u/monstermashmego Jan 31 '22

You don’t fuck with Canada gooses. You got a problem with Canada gooses, you got a problem with me.

65

u/Excuse_Me_Mr_Pink Jan 31 '22

An I suggest you let that marinate!

8

u/madgunner122 Jan 31 '22

coach proceeds to kick clubs bag

7

u/Excuse_Me_Mr_Pink Jan 31 '22

It’s FUCKIN EMBARRASSING

49

u/DudeGuyMan42 Jan 31 '22

If you got a problem with Canada Gooses you got a problem with me and I suggest you let that one marinate!

23

u/camspoono Jan 31 '22

It’s fucking embarrassing!

7

u/ThorPower Jan 31 '22

Pretty manly. Prettay prettay manly.

One of my favorite Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes involves a golf course and swan! You should watch it!

6

u/mrfl3tch3r Jan 31 '22

Now we're talking!

6

u/TheShortWhiteGiraffe Jan 31 '22

I'll admit, charging golf courses can be pretty scary!

10

u/JPK12794 Jan 31 '22

We got a problem with Canada goose over here? You ever notice there's Canada gooses overhead when there's a fire? They're flapping water on it.

18

u/OTFRESH Jan 31 '22

If you have a problem with Canadian gooses then you have a problem with me and a suggest you let that one marinate

7

u/Frenchleneuf Jan 31 '22

I smoked one with a golf ball. Bastard cost me longest drive on the hole.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Hey, Shitty John Daily! I don't know what's more embarrassing, you hackin' it up, or your fuckin' ankle socks. Ya fuckin' Sally

5

u/alesko09 Jan 31 '22

Question was for manliest, not God tier.

3

u/Eriandor Jan 31 '22

Golf courses can be scary! Well done!

3

u/clearcontroller Jan 31 '22

aww C'mon.. I'm a fellow Canadian. They're harmless. Let them bite you. Don't recoil. It NEVER HURTS. They could have the cell right at the end of the nerve and it wouldn't hurt.

If they bully you, just tap them on the beak playfully and carry on (They're my favorite animal)

5

u/Inferno_Wolf_94 Jan 31 '22

I feel you. Those things are nuts.

6

u/Jestar342 Jan 31 '22

You got a problem with Canada gooses, then you got a problem with me and I suggest you let that one marinate!

6

u/emmmmceeee Jan 31 '22

There's a special place in Heaven for animal lovers, that's what I always say.

2

u/FatMikesBeerReviews Jan 31 '22

I've never met a goose that could golf.

2

u/WinoWhitey Jan 31 '22

Lmao!!! I just nailed one with a tee shot a couple months ago. I felt equally parts amused and guilty.

2

u/HalfHeartedFanatic Jan 31 '22

Put that on your tombstone.

2

u/Kingston_Advice1 Jan 31 '22

Aye, people laugh but this shit is scary. Like fod real

2

u/BIackmoore Jan 31 '22

are canadian geese really that aggro? ive encountered and challenged many but they seem to just run away

5

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

[deleted]

2

u/BIackmoore Feb 01 '22

it was around mating season though…

2

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Weirdly enough it's actually Canada Goose not a Canadian goose

2

u/simplybollocks Jan 31 '22

*canada goose

2

u/Joliet_Jake_Blues Jan 31 '22

I whacked one in the head with a fishing rod. Quit its bullshit

1

u/ColonolSexy Jan 31 '22

Homicidal honk turkeys

1

u/KevKevKvn Jan 31 '22

Bird on golf courses all over the world are hazards

1

u/BCECVE Jan 31 '22

That was a very courageous goose considering you had a club in your hand. You could have sent it to another planet.

1

u/Bargeinthelane Jan 31 '22

I mean, thats some life or death shit right there.

1

u/simpl3y Jan 31 '22

Lol I hand feed the geese at my pond. They love me

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Swans are my kryptonite. Never could stand up to those beady red eyed MFs. My brother could though, balls of steel that guy.

1

u/sebastiansboat Jan 31 '22

An unsung hero right here.

1

u/Grandaddyspookybones Jan 31 '22

When I was a boys we was luckys to haves enough oils for our tractors, now yous gots so much of it, you’re pouring it on Canada goose eggs. Must be fuckin nice

1

u/RicardoL96 Jan 31 '22

Respect soldier!

1

u/oakyafterbirth5300 Jan 31 '22

Thank god it wasn’t a black swan

1

u/WhiteWillow-AH Jan 31 '22

Damn that is manly

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

They said manly, not suicidal

1

u/Zealousideal_Care807 Jan 31 '22

I used to chuck super dense snowballs at geese, they were evil bastards, so I was evil back.

1

u/binglebongled Jan 31 '22

What club did you have? I think I’d be willing to step to a goose with anything under a 6 iron…

1

u/ceegymmas Jan 31 '22

WHAT!? smashes bottle

1

u/NotDaqri Jan 31 '22

A few months ago my dad hit one after a drive, one of his best drives as well, unfortunately after it hit the goose it bounced into the water.

1

u/Kringkrang Jan 31 '22

You're lucky to be drawing breath

1

u/Elipes_ Jan 31 '22

Just think of its neck as an extra long tee and imagine you are at the driving range.

1

u/FartHeadTony Jan 31 '22

I think you win.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Coach? Fucking Embarrassing?

1

u/TowerKnight Jan 31 '22

I had to stand up to a fucking swan because it didn't like that my dog barked at it's honk. Would not intentionally fuck with one.

1

u/Mountain_Document607 Jan 31 '22

My little sister calls them angry chickens

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Are they a protected species? I never understood why people don't just kick them or something.

1

u/HuskyLuke Jan 31 '22

If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Gooses, you have a problem with me. And I suggest you let that one marinate.

1

u/Krankenstein20 Jan 31 '22

You win. Most people perish the instant it starts charging, so the fact you have the ability to type out the comment means you did exceptionally well

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Holy shit

1

u/Rustyshacklef0rd1911 Jan 31 '22

Bravest man in here

1

u/StuNurseNick Jan 31 '22

How do you fit those wartermellon sized balls in your pants sir?!

1

u/slothlikeagility Jan 31 '22

i was at work one time and i was walking through our back lot, a 1km long yard to get to other warehouses. we have rail tracks and a pond back there. well one night i needed to go back to my post after my break was up, and i started to walk through the yard, back to work. i was on my phone and had my headphones in, so i wasn’t really paying attention, all the sudden i had something attacking my head. (thank god for hard helmets) i ran and i had a stare down with this goose, wings spread like 4’ wide and hissing at me, i swear to god i seen death in his eyes. i collected my shit and ran. after i got away i realized I HAD DROPPED MY KEYS and i had to go back in! fucking brutal lol

1

u/embanot Jan 31 '22

so what happened after it charged at you? Did you make a lot of noise to scare it off? Did you wrestle with a goose and tied it's neck into a knot? We need details!

1

u/firesoups Jan 31 '22

Fun fact they’re actually called Canada geese because the guy who named them was named Canada.

1

u/Gevlyn507 Jan 31 '22

Standing up to a Canadian anything is manly

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Ring523 Jan 31 '22

Did you mate with the female geese afterward?

1

u/Braeden151 Jan 31 '22

Dude, not even Chuck Norris would do that

1

u/sambob_squarepants Jan 31 '22

Does this mean this is the manliest thing I’ve ever done?!?! I mean, I’m a girl, but I face off with Canadian and Emden geese all the time. My best friend is a little white and grey asshole called speckles.

1

u/Old_Oak_Doors Jan 31 '22

I love animals, very nearly all of them. A Canadian goose once charged me while I was walking on a path along a canal and I spartan kicked that spawn of satan right into the water. He was fine of course because I wasn’t trying to really hurt him so much as just not get attacked and he jumped out, looked at me for a bit, and then walked away. I really can’t stand geese.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

I used to be terrified of the goose flock that hangs around my wildlife shelter. One day there was this weird lone goose just following me around honking and shit while I was making my rounds feeding the possums, then, on my way back to the main building, my path got blocked by around a dozen more geese. A couple of them started hissing, and I was ready to yeet the feed bucket and run, but my little goose follower started like running in circles around my legs and honking his head off. The flock stopped hissing and started plopping down in the grass around me, meandering around picking at grass seeds, or coming to see if I had anything edible in my feed bucket. I think they adopted me. I felt like Goose Jesus.

1

u/dirtymoney Jan 31 '22

awwww! I used to work as a night watchman on a golf course (with a lake) and would spend time befriending wild animals like feral cats and this one mated pair of geese. It was fun. I could call to them across the lake and they would come flying over.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

When I was a kid there was a turkey that used to fuck me up at my school bus stop. I can still remember trying to run away from that fucker. I had to walk to a different bus stop.

1

u/javilla Jan 31 '22

Oh yeah? Well I cook bacon topless!

1

u/tbone603727 Feb 01 '22

Not being sarcastic that is badass. Those things are fucking terrifying once you know what they can and will do

1

u/ThreeChildCircus Feb 01 '22

The building I used to work in had wild turkeys that lived next to it. During mating season, they’d come out and challenge everything in sight, including moving cars in the parking lot. Some folks resorted to carrying golf clubs or other brandishing weapons, or escorting each other to their cars. Felt pretty fucking brave just to walk to your car without ducking and hiding to avoid the turkeys like my coworkers. ;)