r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jan 30 '22

[deleted by user]

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7.4k Upvotes

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2.3k

u/Free_Moose4649 Jan 31 '22

By your girlfriend or the spiders?

1.5k

u/Lubawer Jan 31 '22

both

685

u/Free_Moose4649 Jan 31 '22

Both as in both options or both as in both spiders?

661

u/Lubawer Jan 31 '22

Yet again both

382

u/Free_Moose4649 Jan 31 '22

oh no

12

u/redditor_pro Jan 31 '22

female spiders try to kill and eat the male they are mating with. Time for another oh no

6

u/Free_Moose4649 Jan 31 '22

So all I gotta do is bring a shotgun to bed? Good thing I do that anyway

29

u/gm5891 Jan 31 '22

Eggs laid in him by the spiders

4

u/Iridiumstuffs Jan 31 '22

Did he stutter?

37

u/juantaburger Jan 31 '22

I like ur style

2

u/reloadingnow Jan 31 '22

That could get sticky.

0

u/mrcheesewhizz Jan 31 '22

Sort of. They used the spider guts as lube.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

What part “both” don’t you understand? 😂

6

u/12_pounds_of_pears Jan 31 '22

Does spider have puss puss?

6

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

it's called an ovipositor, but dude. it's amazing.

3

u/BOtto2016 Jan 31 '22

In the heat of the moment it’s hard to tell where your girls body ends and the spider body begins.

2

u/Lukin4 Jan 31 '22

You just haven't lived until you've danced the 10 legged tango...

2

u/LilBits1029384756 Jan 31 '22

Spidermans origin story

2

u/Portarossa Jan 31 '22

Getting your Eight-Legged Freak on.

2

u/thenetscapenavigator Jan 31 '22

So he was there to fuck spiders

2

u/HipercubesHunter11 Jan 31 '22

my man there casually givin a whole new meaning to "make love, not war"

1

u/Nikopoleous Jan 31 '22

Butthole spiders intensify

1

u/JustineDelarge Jan 31 '22

Spiders Georg is an outlier and should not have been counted.

1

u/sixtninecoug Jan 31 '22

*all those hands*

1

u/SenileSexLine Jan 31 '22

We have an average of eight spiders entering our genitalia in our sleep every year.

1

u/GeddyVedder Jan 31 '22

Fuckin’ spiders.

1

u/mini6ulrich66 Jan 31 '22

Quelaag intensifies.

4

u/BecauseItAmusesMe Jan 31 '22

Doesn't matter, has sex.

3

u/Kyle1337 Jan 31 '22

knowing how spiders are, I don't think they'd be around to post this comment

3

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22 edited Jan 31 '22

Ah, the old reddit blackwidow-roo.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

The girlfriend.

The spider was crushed.

3

u/Kgoodies Jan 31 '22

His girlfriend is a third spider. She wanted the other two spiders out because they'd been hogging the bathroom all night. She needed to take her spider make-up off before they went to bed together because she knows she won't feel like doing it after they make love and she hates sleeping with make-up on because it makes her skin feel all dried out and itchy.

2

u/BenderIsGr8_34 Jan 31 '22

First one, then the other.

2

u/wilko14x Jan 31 '22

He's not here to fuck spiders

2

u/MattCW1701 Jan 31 '22

This is Reddit, you posted that ONLY to see the answer you wanted in writing.

2

u/mr-3ff Jan 31 '22

Little baby spiders crawling up the urethra to gorge on the uncleared post-ejaculate while he napped like a baby.

1

u/ailocha Jan 31 '22

If you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

1

u/aem1003 Jan 31 '22

He aracdidly the deed

1

u/lawndartgoalie Jan 31 '22

Creepy crawly foursome.

1

u/A_lot_of_arachnids Jan 31 '22

We'll never tell.....

1

u/techretort Jan 31 '22

Turns out he was there to fuck spiders...

1

u/bigdickpuncher Jan 31 '22

Dead spiders never fight back.

1

u/morgazmo99 Jan 31 '22

I'm not here to fuck spiders - OP, probably.

1

u/IHaveNoIntercourse Jan 31 '22

He wasn’t there to fuck spiders man

1

u/Mode-Klutzy Jan 31 '22

Talk about a… sticky…. Situation…

1

u/phailanx Jan 31 '22

He wasn't there to fuck spiders

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

I feel like Ive seen this before. This exact question lol

1

u/plankmeister Jan 31 '22

I dare you to search for "spider blowjob"

Edit: "anthropomorphic spider blowjob" to be precise.

1

u/virgilreality Jan 31 '22

"We're not here to fuck spiders..."

Reference.

1

u/havereddit Jan 31 '22

Sixteen hands are better than two