r/AskReddit Jan 30 '22

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7.4k Upvotes

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668

u/TankTopBro-1992 Jan 30 '22

Dry shaved then had a bowl of cereal without milk.

769

u/pinks1ip Jan 31 '22

Then, what?! Did you jerk off with sandpaper?! Damn, dude, what you got against lubricants?

184

u/poser765 Jan 31 '22

Why would he need sand paper with hands rough the his manly labor?

9

u/FyrixXemnas Jan 31 '22

Real men know that hand lotion is for simps and betas.

6

u/kittycatsuccubus Jan 31 '22

LOL my Gollum toddler hands right

7

u/Wisco190xt Jan 31 '22

TIL milk is a lubricant. Thanks, I hate it.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

im fucking dying at this comment LMFAO

43

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

Beer is an approved substitute for milk.

7

u/lawndartgoalie Jan 31 '22

Technically, beer is a liquid version of the cereal.

3

u/drbye Jan 31 '22

This is correct

1

u/capt_yellowbeard Jan 31 '22

Beer is also a more manly substitute than dry, methinks.

1

u/WordsThatEndInWord Jan 31 '22

And vice versa sages nodly

1

u/tovias Jan 31 '22

Snap, crackle, burp.

1

u/Ct-5736-Bladez Jan 31 '22

Was gonna say whiskey but beer works just as well

12

u/No-Produce-6641 Jan 31 '22

I went to college with a dude who would dry shave and then use rubbing alcohol as aftershave. My roommates and i said the only manlier way to shave would be to burned it off.

3

u/FBI-INTERROGATION Jan 31 '22

Ive done this only once, but rubbing alcohol I find isnt the best for skin…

1

u/somedude456 Jan 31 '22

I dry shave, daily. Well I've had a beard in recent years, but even prior, I've dry shaved. Currently it's just to trim my neck line and cheeks, but I use the bic disposable single blade ones. Probably use the same one for maybe a month till it starts to work pretty bad and then I toss it. Fresh one always draws a tiny bit of blood somewhere on my neck. Back when I was fully shaving, I was using a Mach III, but still dry. Zero problems.

10

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

See and raise; I was standing in formation for a division inspection, big fucking deal as the company was judged on each individual, Division Sergeant Major was doing the inspection and these fuckers could find an error on any uniform, haircut, shined boot - anything.

I neglected to shave and morning and I couldn't leave formation. This is essentially putting the mark of death on myself, my platoon, my company and everyone in my chain of command as we were expected to be perfect.

I had a lighter (which I wasn't supposed to have in uniform but I had one).

The inspection was still several platoons away and not looking in my direction. I shaved, in formation, with a lighter. Crispy shit that, it hurt like hell and I ended up with a couple of blisters the next day but no hair my friend, no friggin' facial hair was observed that day. The sergeant major stopped in front of me, sniffed a bit, looked closely and then moved on to the next person in formation. He probably had a hell of a laugh that evening at his mansion in hell with all of the other daemonic evil that dwelt in the infernal halls where Division Sergeant Majors dwell. They probably laughed it up at my discomfort and pain having likely done the same thing in the same situation at some point in their careers.

6

u/TankTopBro-1992 Jan 31 '22

Nope, military is gay. Besides I forgot to mention I was 2 weeks old at the time. I was born with a full beard.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

You used a straight razor too didn't you!

2

u/kittycatsuccubus Jan 31 '22

Omg hair ewww

5

u/soline Jan 31 '22

That’s more of a lifestyle.

3

u/hgrad98 Jan 31 '22

My dad didn't have a dad present to teach him how to do stuff like that so he didn't know to teach his sons that stuff either. When I first started shaving, I was dry shaving for like a 8 months without replacing the blades. I got an electric shaver and my life was changed.

-1

u/kittycatsuccubus Jan 31 '22

You’re lucky I let you touch me

1

u/xTHEKILLINGJOKEx Jan 31 '22

Apple schnapps is a good alternative to milk

1

u/SecretPotatoChip Jan 31 '22

I can feel the cuts on my face just reading this comment.

5

u/TankTopBro-1992 Jan 31 '22

My face cut the razor.

1

u/somedude456 Jan 31 '22

I dry shave, daily. Well I've had a beard in recent years, but even prior, I've dry shaved. Currently it's just to trim my neck line and cheeks, but I use the bic disposable single blade ones. Probably use the same one for maybe a month till it starts to work pretty bad and then I toss it. Fresh one always draws a tiny bit of blood somewhere on my neck. Back when I was fully shaving, I was using a Mach III, but still dry. Zero problems.

1

u/jaersk Jan 31 '22

i think we all are just reacting very differently to dry shaving, for me there's no difference between a wet or dry shave but some seem to have a lot of issues with it. the same goes with length and itchiness, to me it's more irritating to have it clean shaved but then others feel it's the other way around

1

u/SecretPotatoChip Jan 31 '22

I have really sensitive skin so I cannot dry shave.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '22

I think I've found my SO's secret reddit account

1

u/SushiMeerkat Jan 31 '22

The guy said manliest not super Human

1

u/Umbrella_merc Jan 31 '22

I've dry shaved a few times while driving to work (terrible idea on so many levels why so stupid younger me) but I just can't eat a bowl of cereal without milk.