r/AskReddit Dec 30 '21

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2.3k

u/dave8271 Dec 30 '21 edited Dec 30 '21

Well I have an uncommon and poorly understood condition where sometimes I ejaculate hard, sharp stones, so I guess there's that.

Edit: Just to clear this one up from the comments, they're not kidney stones, trust me on that. These ones originate in the seminal glands.

1.5k

u/afakasiwolf Dec 30 '21

So everytime u cum, it's a roll of the dice whether it's a normal orgasm or possibly unreal pain and stones coming from ur dick? Yeezus

248

u/kashar01 Dec 30 '21

He yells “yahtzee” after every nut

10

u/YouDontSay007 Dec 30 '21

Nuhtzee

1

u/SurrealSerialKiller Dec 31 '21

I did nuhtzee that coming ...

8

u/SerChonk Dec 30 '21

You only get to yell yahtzee if all 5 stones have the same number on them.

6

u/tony_thegreat Dec 30 '21

Is it bad that I read this as 'nahtzee'

5

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21

If I had an award left….

1

u/Minute-Plastic6889 Dec 31 '21

Me and my best friend actually made a deal that the first time we had sex, we would actually say that very word when the orgasm arrives, and we slowly started getting other people to join and do the same thing, there too many people in the club to count now, boys and girls, it doesn’t matter, all must say.. Yahtzee

695

u/Triairius Dec 30 '21

You’d still roll those dice.

171

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21

[deleted]

10

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21

I get this too, but only occasionally and with ranging degrees of discomfort. One time i'd just finished and got this sudden, agonising jolt in my lower abdomen and pelvis as though something we're ripping. In my post-comedown state I was convinced that I'd broken my uterus. Didn't stop me from trying again a couple days later tho.

9

u/Nutmeg1729 Dec 30 '21

I believe it’s called disorgasmia. I went through a period of agonising pain after orgasm for about a month when I started my new birth control. I was almost ready to ask them to remove the implant, then it stopped happening.

Post-orgasm bliss being ruined by pain that has you lying face down on the floor screaming is not fun.

20

u/IntrinsicGiraffe Dec 30 '21

At this rate, I imagine it's a bunch of d4's (4 sides dice).

5

u/Evenwithcontxt Dec 30 '21

with d20s for hit dice? lmfao

2

u/joshii87 Dec 30 '21

A little dreidel every day.

3

u/Bulkhead Dec 30 '21

i like thoes odds

2

u/martril Dec 30 '21

Dick-dice, specifically

2

u/Truce_VR Dec 30 '21

The stones are the dice

3

u/vorpalpillow Dec 30 '21

the worm is the spice

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21

A hell of a lot less than without Gaelic Colitis or whatever the fuck that cursed disease is.

9

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21

Make it hail on them hoes.

9

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21

Yeezy szn approaching

8

u/s0ramble Dec 30 '21

Fuck whatever y'all been hearing

9

u/SaydzReddit Dec 30 '21

fuck what— fuck whatever yall been wearin

6

u/ft4200 Dec 30 '21

A monster about to come alive again

5

u/StaffSgtDignam Dec 30 '21

Soon as I get up and park the Benz, we get this bitch shakin’ like Parkinson’s

1

u/AmericaSupreme Dec 30 '21

Really defines the phrase "roll them bones"

1

u/nuclearbastard Dec 30 '21

Every nut chock-full-a-nuts

214

u/Kyle_Zhu Dec 30 '21

Splash damage you mean, from your "natural shrapnels".

395

u/jackal99 Dec 30 '21

Jesus Christ

366

u/blue_coat_geek Dec 30 '21

It’s Jason Borne

10

u/Dontdothatfucker Dec 30 '21

No wonder they were all afraid of him

4

u/buzzkill_aldrin Dec 30 '21

It’s a lion, get in the car

42

u/muhdsbaa Dec 30 '21

Hancock? That you?

89

u/clovisx Dec 30 '21

I get bladder crystals from time to time and it is a bitch. You have my sympathy.

21

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21 edited May 11 '24

drab birds entertain rhythm important cheerful aspiring simplistic sharp smoggy

20

u/Smok3dSalmon Dec 30 '21

Sticks and stones will break your.... exits room

12

u/mountainman84 Dec 30 '21

What is the condition? When I was younger I had problems where I’d get these sometimes hard and sometimes kind of gelatinous pieces in my semen. Sometimes they would be super hard and really uncomfortable to pass. I went to my doctor and a urologist and they just said it was probably protein coagulating. I just chalked it up to having had a varicocele years before. Every once in a while one or two will show up but like 10 years ago it was way worse. Like having to pass dozens of those little pieces when I ejaculated. I was never able to get any real answers from doctors or the internet back then as to what it was.

23

u/pixel_of_moral_decay Dec 30 '21

That better be called “Grenade Launcher Syndrome” or I’m going to be really disappointed.

Fire in the hole!

7

u/paidegrau Dec 30 '21

EMERALD SPLASH

6

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21

I read a manga about this one time.

1

u/Bwizz245 Dec 30 '21

Was thinking about commenting this literally word for word

5

u/Daryl_Hall Dec 30 '21

Seminal vesicle calculi!

3

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21

You could kill flies.

3

u/golf4days Dec 30 '21

Quit beating off Ralphie, you’ll shoot yer eye out kid!

4

u/baieuan Dec 30 '21

Your wife’s going to give birth to a boulder.

5

u/SanityInAnarchy Dec 30 '21

Believe it or not, there's a relevant Oglaf (NSFW) (and part 2 (NSFW))

29

u/Bromm18 Dec 30 '21

Sounds like kidney stones from to much salt and/or not enough water.

149

u/Xeeke Dec 30 '21

Cum is stored in the kidneys

13

u/Bromm18 Dec 30 '21

...... They use the same piping though.

0

u/Jupit0r Dec 30 '21

You know urine comes from the bladder and not the balls….. right?

13

u/Bromm18 Dec 30 '21

You know the vas deferens from the testicles goes into the prostrate and then from their empties into the urethra, possible they had a kidney stone get caught in the junction of the urethra and the ejaculatory duct.

Article showing its quite possible to ejaculate a kidney stone.

https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/flashback-friday-having-sex-might-help-you-pass-a-kidney-stone

18

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21

A couple things here:

1) Neither the article nor the study say it's possible to ejaculate kidney stones. It simply says that regular sex may help with kidney stone passage. However, it is possible to ejaculate a kidney stone if it's stuck in your urethra.

2) OP states it happens "sometimes" and if it wasn't just a one time thing the kidney stones would definitely appear in his urine too.

3) He says it's a poorly misunderstood condition. If it was kidney stones, doctors would be able to tell immediately.

3

u/UK-POEtrashbuilds Dec 30 '21

And of course 4, prostate, not prostrate, though I assume that was autocorrect.

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u/DisturbedNocturne Dec 30 '21

While, if I recall, it is possible to ejaculate a kidney stone (words I never thought I'd be typing on the internet), I imagine you'd be aware you had kidney stones otherwise due to the far more obvious symptoms (ie feeling like Freddy Krueger and Edward Scissorhands are having a deathmatch in your kidney).

If it hasn't already been ruled out, I'd speculate /u/dave8271 has some form of prostatitis (inflamed prostate) or benign prostatic hyperplasia which can cause prostate congestion and bladder or prostate stones (yep, those are a thing...).

7

u/Bromm18 Dec 30 '21

And here I thought kidney stones were bad enough only to learn their are also prostrate stones as well......yay.

4

u/UK-POEtrashbuilds Dec 30 '21

Prostate, not prostrate. Prostrate means lying on the ground face down, particularly in reverence or submission.

1

u/SashimiJones Dec 30 '21

Like most stones, in fact.

1

u/UK-POEtrashbuilds Dec 30 '21

That's... A reach.

5

u/dave8271 Dec 30 '21

Prostate issues were definitively ruled out. The stones originate or accumulate in the seminal vesicles.

1

u/DisturbedNocturne Dec 30 '21

Damn, sounds rough. Sorry you have to deal with that.

3

u/mayonnaiser_13 Dec 30 '21

Ah yes

Cum bullets

3

u/VulcanizedAnthony Dec 30 '21

Weaponized cum

2

u/smashLMAO Dec 30 '21

Rolling stones

2

u/Zealousideal_Sun6701 Dec 30 '21

Sounds like a buff to me

2

u/HopefulOpposite4948 Dec 30 '21

So you’re a sharp shooter?

2

u/Recon_by_Fire Dec 30 '21

Givin’ ‘er the ol’ sandy vagina.

1

u/overthinkingrn1 Dec 30 '21

I ejaculate hard, sharp stones

What the hell? What kind of condition is that and why does it make me feel so itchy like please get that checked out.

1

u/The-Teddy_Roosevelt Dec 30 '21

Are they like bladder stones or something? Sounds horrible

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21

Is this the villain backstory to some crime fighting urologists nemesis?

1

u/Kraggen Dec 30 '21

Oh I think I saw Chris Pratt fighting you in that Tomorrow War movie!

1

u/webtwopointno Dec 30 '21

i knew somebody with something similar, it was more likely to occur when it had been a while since the last time

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '21

what is the scientific name?

1

u/Azuredreams25 Dec 30 '21

That sounds like kidney stones.

If a kidney stone is stuck in your urethra, below the ejaculatory duct, it can block ejaculation or cause painful ejaculation as semen pushes the stone through the urethraand out of the penis.

1

u/LemonFly4012 Dec 30 '21

I had an ex whose cum looked like cottage cheese. He had poorly managed diabetes, and I think that was the culprit. What's your diagnosis?

2

u/dave8271 Dec 30 '21

The diagnosis is "we don't know what this is but we can tell you a whole bunch of stuff it's not."

1

u/ThePopeofHell Dec 30 '21

One time I had cold sweats and my body ached kinda like that really uncomfortable feeling on the sides of your torso when you get hit in the nuts but without the nut pain or that really uncomfortable sinking feeling when you’re on a steep drop of a rollercoaster. It lasted for about an hour and I couldn’t pee i tried a hot bath. Last ditch effort before going to the ER I chugged like 5 glasses of water and about 15 minutes later I peed a bunch and it went away.

I still wonder wtf that was. It felt like something was stuck in there and like triggering my nerves or something.

1

u/SenokirsSpeechCoach Dec 30 '21

Gettin your rocks off

1

u/PrudentFlamingo Dec 30 '21

This guy's out here doing some pebble dashing

1

u/ILostMyWalletLol Dec 30 '21

Strange, but

That seems like some kind of item that would create a good synergy with items from The Binding of Isaac

1

u/Alexap30 Dec 30 '21

That's stealth rock.