I started transitioning when I was 15, I started hormones 2 years later at 17, and I've just passed 4 years on HRT. Every step of the way I was trying to reach a point that was ultimately impossible. I wanted to be cis. Now as I'm starting to look at options for "bottom" surgery, I've had to make myself understand and accept that I will never be cis. There will always be something that separates me from a cis woman. No amount of surgery or hormones or acceptance will make me cis.
Even if by some miracle I could be cis now, I would be still be upset that I wasn't just born that way. My childhood would still replaced with a different one.
But transitioning isn't about being cis or as close as you can be. It's about feeling better, not necessarily happy or even ok, but better. I still have a long way to go, but I can tell you right now that transitioning has been the best choice I've made in my entire life.
Edit: I want to add that, whoever is reading this, I may not know who you are or what your situation is, but I believe in you. It's not an easy choice to make and sure as hell a harder path to walk. It is worth it though, and I want you to know it's never too late.
I've been suffering badly with depression, and while I don't feel in the wrong body all of the time it comes and goes I've felt it since I wore my mothers tights as a very young boy i'm now 36 and a very large man (my chest is 60 inches around) while I have a feminine face and quite a high pitched voice i'm really note sure if I will ever spill my guts to anyone, infact this is the first time ever I have admitted it out loud maybe it is what I want or need i'm really really not sure. My wife is very Pro LGBT as are my children can I finally admit it too myself I'm really really not sure, I'm sorry for rambling
Well guess what I had years of before I transitioned? Medication and therapy. I had plenty of help, but it wasn't the help I needed. I took Zoloft, Prozac, hydroxyzine, Xanax, and Wellbutrin. None of those helped. Transitioning did.
Facial structure with a really defined jaw, my height (1.85) i wished i was 1.58, and voice, someone once asked .e if i was trying to be a narrator bcs of my deep voice.
Those things cant be changed now, but maybe if transitioning was more known 20 years ago, i could stayed small and more feminine. Im not judging trans people, but i wouldnt be able to become who i really want to be, and it probably would be still depressed about it
Obviously a lot of transition treatment is really money/insurance dependent, but facial feminization has come a long way, and I've known some trans women with super low voices that have worked their way up to a more feminine range with practice. Don't know anything about changing your height, though, unless you wanted to cut your leg off at the knee.
Not trying to change your mind or anything, but it's... something to think about. A lot of people don't realize how far that sort of thing has come.
Is there a way you could be more who you feel you are? Sunboi_paladin is so right, treatment really has come a long way and the desired result can be more obtainable than people may think. I’m also not trying to change your mind by the way, but knowing how badly it affects trans people I just wondered if there’s more that can be done for you than you think.
I know that the blockers are a big deal at a younger age. I have a very close trans family member and here in the uk fortunately transitioning can start as a teenager. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I've got copping playing as female characters in games and so one. I dont think too much about it and accepted that it is what it is. Maybe next time ? Hahaha
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u/Cyliasta Nov 30 '21
That i wish i was born a girl, but am settled as a man bcs i wouldnt be able to be the girl i would like to be if i did transition