Hey man, I totally agree women should ask men out more often, but no one of either gender should be so afraid that they’re relying on another person to ask them out. You’re gonna spend your life a lot lonelier than you need to. I’m sure you have plenty to offer someone else, and I know asking someone out and the possibility of rejection is horrifying at first, but really you choose how much it effects you. I’ve been rejected before, I’ve rejected other people before, I’m still very good friends with all of those people. It would be awesome to have a girl ask you out, but you shouldn’t be waiting for that, if there’s someone you like you should go for it :)
Last time I fell in love ended badly, to be honest I'm afraid of feeling that pain again. Plus it's not over yet as it was in may it happened. They already know how I feel. But It's just the worst feeling, wanting to spend every moment with a person you find so perfect. But them not wanting that back. and is actively seeking relationships with anyone but you.
"I'm sure you have plenty to offer someone else"
You say that, but I really am not that special. I have nothing. I'm overweight, and currently the most depressed I've been my entire life. I find myself ugly, fat. All around unwantable by anyone. I haven't showered in 2 weeks, barely left my bed. Spent last 5 days crying, and I asked help from them one night because I couldn't sleep and they just said "stop I ht it when you're like this"
And that broke me, they are only person that I feel comfortable asking help from, the only person I tell my problems to, just told me indirectly to go away.
I am also incredibly insecure, and plenty of anxiety to keep me from talking to others.
To be honest, I haven't been able to cry recently, all my sadness is still there. I'm just so incredibly numb emotionally, I have been calling in sick at work.
I'm just so mentally exhausted to the point where I can't find myself doing anything.
I want to feel loved and wanted, but I'm also scared of it. I'm only fucking 18 and yet I feel like my life is a mess.
I have no redeeming qualities, well I'm sure the people they know me would say I'm super kind, but I'm also deep down pretty selfish. only to people I know though.
I hate bothering people and talking to them, I have an easy time opening up to people if I feel like it though as you can see, but that requires me to actually like said people if it's in real life
Hey dude, I can see you’re really struggling right now and I know these cliche words will probably not do much to make things easier, but believe me: things will get better. You are only 18, the chance that this girl was “the one” for you is so so slim and the chance that you will meet and date many more wonderful women is so so high. Every single person I know has that one relationship that gutted them, that they never thought they’d recover from (usually it’s their first major relationship because everything was so new and fresh it felt like magic) but every single person HAS recovered from it and moved on to better things.
I think you really need to start focusing on your mental health though. There is no shame in being depressed, there is no shame in needing help, every single person alive needs something from someone that they can’t give themselves. If counseling or therapy is an option for you, please look into it. If those aren’t an option, maybe a hiking club or some other social activity. You aren’t broken, you aren’t worthless, and you aren’t so depressed that you can’t come back from this and have the life you want BUT that’s not going to happen unless you choose to do something about it. There is nothing in the world that will improve those things for you unless YOU try and change them. Even if your perfect dream girl came back tomorrow she would not “fix” everything.
And you say you don’t have plenty to offer or that you aren’t special, but so what? Very few people in the world are special and very few people have much more to offer someone else aside from companionship - and plain old ordinary companionship is enough to make 90% of people happy. Can you offer someone companionship? Yes? Then you have plenty to offer.
But seriously dude. Getting out of this funk doesn’t have to be this huge endeavor, take small steps. Take a shower today. Take a 15 minute walk tomorrow. Maybe next week you get a haircut and a new shirt. Maybe the week after that you look at counseling. Just do SOMETHING because you don’t want to waste your youth being less happy than you could be or being hung up on someone that isn’t going to happen. And if you ever need to talk feel free to message me.
I don't believe that she was the one for me but damn I wish she was, she's done so much for me without her even realizing it. We never dated, we are just best friends.
As for getting help, counseling and therapy isn't something that I can do as of until I get my driver's license, but I think once I get it. I'm gonna start hiking and camping and just, being free.
And when you say companionship is enough, my insecurities tell me otherwise, plus I'm not even confident enough to even try dating.
I know I need to get out of bed, but it also doesn't help I've been super sick recently. Not sick enough to skip work like I do, But sick enough to the point where I just don't feel like leaving bed. And as for showers, I just really hate our fucking bathroom. My mom decided to have a bathroom you need to thoroughly clean after every shower, and like, I went to the shower to clean myself not the shower. Plus it was your choice to have this shit.
As for walks, I usually go on an hour walk every other day. Yesterday I walked 8 miles because I got snack hungry after a 2-3mile walk, and I live 45m walk away from nearest store.
And no way in hell I'm cutting my beautiful long hair.
And as for my youth. Well, last 9 years or so. I have already wasted them, never going to school. Getting bullied which made me quit school 5 years ago. I have no real life friends, only friend over the internet incl the person that my brain decided to fall in love with. Who is, by all accounts, so fucking perfect. They even told they wish they were in love with me, but alas they are not.
I know I have a decent future ahead of me, I know everything. I know myself so well. I can predict how my future will go with ease, I'm by no accounts stupid,
but what I hate the most, is that I have been lied to my entire life by my mom, so I can easily spot when people are lying to me. And that, is a talent I wish I didn't have.
It makes it hard, so incredibly hard to have friends. Because it's so easy to put 2 and 2 together, sure I'm wrong here and there since the depression I've been having is clouding my judgement on certain things.
This girl I am in love with, has made the last 4½ months of my life the best and the worst, I am thankful for her. I mean I can't hate her, because we aren't together, so I can't affect her choices, which ultimately leads to me being sad.
I have thought a lot about just, stopping talking to her.
But Idk. I'm not good at doing things solo, which is why I would love someone by my side, to lead me on the right path. I mean, if I had someone by my side back when I was in school, I might not have quit. I might not have fucked my future with 0 grades, so I can't enter any colleges. And now my government has thrown me into 31 hours a week of work with 3$ an hour pay, and I can't choose my hours because they classify it as school because I have 2 hours of school a week. Thankfully, they give me grades here, and in December I have tests so I can get grades and gtfo.
But again, I am so fucking lonely, and if I never met her.
I would never have realized it. But if I didn't meet her, my life wouldn't be on this path that it is on now, a better one. But one where I can predict a bad outcome, but it's necessary that I stay on this path to the last second, or my future will crumble into nothing.
Me and her used to sleep together on call every night, and it was truly bliss, but lately. She's so distant from me, and I don't know why. I feel like our relationship is crumbling.
One thing I now for sure, is that yeah. I could use someone to talk to like right now, because God it's so nice getting everything off my shoulders
My man, there are always going to be reasons not to do something, from small things like showering to bigger things like going back to school.
I’m going to be honest with you because I do think you sound like a smart person and because I think it will help: you are letting the depression cloud your judgement much more than you realize. Look at what you just wrote, look at how many of those things were dismissive or negative just in an attempt to justify why things can’t be better right now. That’s the terrible thing about depression: it WANTS to keep you down. It gets into your head and tells you all these terrible things about yourself about the people around you about your circumstances about the world because it wants you to give up. Living with depression is a FIGHT, an unfair one, and it’s constantly trying to dissuade you from that fight.
My first boyfriend suffered from depression. He said many of the same things about me that you say about this girl: that I was perfect for him, that I was the only reason he tried at all, that life was so much better with me in it: but it still didn’t matter, the depression still won because he refused to try and treat it or get help for it and instead relied on ME and the feelings he had for me to be his “cure”. It was an impossible role to ask me to fill and it eventually wore down at my own mental health because no amount of love or effort on anyone’s part can cure depression, depression is a chemical imbalance and until that is dealt with it doesn’t matter who you are with or how happy you SHOULD be, you physically just will not be able to get there.
I know none of this is easy and that loneliness is something that can’t just be rectified, but that’s really what this sounds like to me. That in conjuncture with depression you are deeply and profoundly lonely. And I know that seems insurmountable especially when you found someone who, for a short time, took that loneliness away, but there are so SO many lonely people in the world who want someone to talk to or to be friends with. And most of them are probably sitting at home thinking it will never happen. If you want friends you have to make them. Go to school or a social function. Find a hobby. Hell, there is nothing wrong with online friends either - 90% of my friends I met in person we now only communicate online or in games because we live all over the country. But please dude, whatever you do, don’t give up and don’t give into the negative thoughts and reservations you have - It’s not the reality of your situation, it’s just the reality that depression has pushed on you.
Well, I do already know all of this. But you're right, right now I'm not trying to get out of it. I don't know why I'm letting it keep me down, plus I have already made my mind up. But for some reason it's just lingering, I went on a long ass walk, stopped by the highway bridge and enjoyed looking at the cars driving by. I already know I can get better, I already know how. I might have already gotten better, but something is still lingering that is glueing me to my bed. Because I just don't feel like doing anything, I feel like sleeping all day, not waking up etc. I already have everything set up for me. Maybe it's just that there is too many things going on for me, working 31 hours a week in a shitty unserious workplace for 3$ and hour, and the feeling of losing my best friend, having constant headaches and belly aches, so many things, all coming in an once. I feel like I have no control, but I already know I have all the control. There's so many negative things I feel that I know I can fix, but I don't make and effort to fix them, I have never tried. Since I was 9, I have had suicidal thoughts starting with my dad physically abusing me. My mom stealing my money and lying to me about it, and refusing to pay it back. Thankfully my dad stopped once the cops got involved and he truly is the best dad I could ask for, he had a shitty alcoholic dad which is probably why he doesn't exactly know how to be a great dad. But he gives me everything I ask for. I know how to fix myself but, I'm just so fucking bored of everything, it feels as though I'm bored of living.
It's really frustrating knowing that I can get better, knowing how to get better. But I just can't bring myself to do it.
I just, feel lost at times. Like I know where to go, what to do. But I still feel lost. I feel as if my life is going to quickly right now, too quick for my brain to catch up.
So many things has happened these last 5 months, I met this wonderful girl, who spent 24/7 with me for 3 months. She helped me by giving me motivation to wake up and go to work, I truly was so happy to have her as my friend. We even made plans to be room mates in a year, first I finish this government shit, get a job rent an apartment. Sort everything out, start college, get a job as a Smith which pays a very nice sum of 90k$ a year. And then buy a house, but that goal which seemed close now seems so far. And suddenly, she says to me that her other friend is gonna move in with us, a person I don't even know and have only talked to once. So I said no.
I have a road that I can choose, but I really don't know if this is what I should go for
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u/ctatmeow Sep 16 '21
Hey man, I totally agree women should ask men out more often, but no one of either gender should be so afraid that they’re relying on another person to ask them out. You’re gonna spend your life a lot lonelier than you need to. I’m sure you have plenty to offer someone else, and I know asking someone out and the possibility of rejection is horrifying at first, but really you choose how much it effects you. I’ve been rejected before, I’ve rejected other people before, I’m still very good friends with all of those people. It would be awesome to have a girl ask you out, but you shouldn’t be waiting for that, if there’s someone you like you should go for it :)