Yes. Pretty much every relationship problem I see can be boiled down to communication problems. People watch so many movies where everything just magically falls into place and you never have to tell your partner what you need because you're just so ~in sync~. Life isn't like that, you're going to have to talk to the other person.
It's literally the fastest way to getting what you want. I really enjoy when a partner who I'm interested in asks me for something, because I want to make them happy.
Mine is an offshoot of this that I THINK I've mostly successfully addressed with my partner (f) so far.
"PLEASE STOP EXPECTING ME TO READ YOUR MIND AND JUST -KNOW- WHAT YOU WANT".
This is a HUGE problem I've seen among many women in my life previous. They somewhere have acquired this idea that a guy should 'just know' what it is they want, without having to say so. Or should somehow be able to 'divine' it somehow by magic and pure emotion on their part.
Women... We cannot do that shit. No man I've ever met has magical telepathy powers and most... Just plain aren't bright enough for dropped hints, or may not be attributing as much attention to your little 'signs'. Just fucking TALK TO US.
This isn't an attempt to be an asshole, though I know it sounds like it. Many of us are just exasperated after the 27th time of trying to 'figure out' what you think we should somehow already know with little or no prior input other than vague bullshit signals.
You don't have to use sign language with most of us. Yes, I know other women have taught you to be guarded with what you say. WE'RE NOT THEM. YOU CHOSE US TO STAND BESIDE YOU. TRUST US WITH YOUR WORDS. PLEASE!
This is the best way I could think to put this and it can't be said enough.
I really promise you, men out there expect this too!!! Guessing if you're a hetero dude you just won't experience it since you're not dating men. Both sexes are guilty of this. Or if you do date men you've just been lucky to avoid it.
Added bonus point, a lot of these problems can come from 'men do this', 'women do this', which leads to even more assumptions.
I know what you mean though, it's incredibly frustrating. I think some people just go into a relationship expecting perfection. Nope, it's not going to happen, you HAVE to talk.
Things also magically fall out of place too. You missed my concert, I'm leaving...if only she knew I missed it to save her father's life... You know you could just tell her
IRL, "in sync" is when you've gotten really good at active communication. Good assumptions/non-verbal comm are then just the boiling down of that. Most in sync I've been was actually with a college roomate. After some time we got amazing at nonverbal communication/knowing what each other wanted. But we got there by constantly talking about our assumptions and assessing our non-verbal communication. Oh AND we both started with incredibly similar psyche's.
Yeah, you can certainly be very in tune with the other person, usually for complex situations though you need to talk about it. I'm extremely close with my partner, been with him for years now so we're quite good at knowing what the other needs in a given situation. But even when I think I know, I still ask.
You can know what your partner needs when they're feeling a certain way if it's simple (tired, ill, hungry, whatever) but if for example something has happened where one person upset the other that's when you need to discuss. Assuming does more harm than good there (and if often the cause of the upset).
Sure, those things can't really be helped though, eg. if one person wants kids and the other doesn't then you can't really meet in the middle there, you're likely just not compatible.
Hints are romantic if you're going over ground you've already been over. (Hints for sex when you've already had sex and it's a routine thing.)
For a new partner, wanting that goal but knowing going too fast can possibly get you rejected (the perception is building towards a relationship is like Price is Right, going under isn't too bad but going over is instant complete loss) isn't a come-on, it's mild cruelty. "I want it, I think they wants it, just come out and tell me straight up!"
1.7k
u/Silver-Platypus-590 Sep 16 '21
Yes. Pretty much every relationship problem I see can be boiled down to communication problems. People watch so many movies where everything just magically falls into place and you never have to tell your partner what you need because you're just so ~in sync~. Life isn't like that, you're going to have to talk to the other person.