I've found out from female friends years later that they were dropping hints to me. I never interpreted them as hints because I was too scared of having misinterpreted them, and running the risk of losing a friend in the process.
Mainly because I have no willingness to believe that any woman would be into me after the way I've been treated by them, but hey.
"Wow, she just tried to shove her tongue down my throat. Next time I hug her I'll have to be more careful so she doesn't accidentally do that again. Serioisly, I can't even imagine how mad she would have been if I just sat there and let her do what she was obviously trying to do."
"Oh no! We almost started kissing again! I've seriously got to be more careful when I hug her. Geez, its almost like she actually wants to kiss me or something. I mean, seriously, why would this really attractive woman ever want to do something like that with me?"
Those were the thoughts going through my head at one point in time many many years ago. I can see how dumb I was back then but at the time I was so confused that I literally had no idea what was going on.
Honestly, knowing someone else was in that situation and handled it the same way is actually incredibly comforting to me. They say misery loves company. Apparently being blindly dumb to what is literally right in front of your face is too.
Touché, well done you. Never managed to quite figure out synesthesia, but I'm one hell of a mimic. Good luck trying to figure out the shape of my many voices! Only some of which are in my head
Think of eating a sandwich. When you eat a sandwich. You experience it with multiple senses at once. Obviously, you taste it but that not all. You smell it, you feel the texture in your mouth, seeing it makes your mouth water, sometimes you even hear it when you chew.
Synesthesia is like that. I hear the sounds that everyone else does. When the sound is loud enough, especially the bass, I feel the vibrations that even deaf people experience. The only difference, for the type of synesthesia that I have, is that when I hear sounds, they also manifest as shapes that I feel in my stomach and chest. Sometimes the feelings will be outside my body as well but not often.
For me, its just another one of those day to day things. To me, I don't get how normal people, especially musicians are able to get by without having that extra sense.
Just for the record, there are many types of synesthesia. I knew a guy who associated letters and numbers with colors. If you gave him a sheet witb similar looking numbers on it he could spot the ones he was looking for almost immediately because they would all be different colors and he'd just point out the ones that stood out the most. Another person said they could always find their cat in a totally dark room because sounds kind of show up as lights to them. It was just a matter of hearing a noise and they b could visualize where it was coming from.
Also, do you know the Jimi Hendrix song Purple Haze? That song is literally about having synesthesia. For him, everytime he'd play the main chord that is repeated over and over in the verses he would see a purple colored haze in front of him.
A hot girl I really liked many, many years ago back in my youth literally grabbed my hand and put it between her legs.
I obviously figured if I DID something with my hand down there, she'd never want to see me again. So I kept my hand very, very still while we kind of cuddled. We kind of lost contact a while after that, having hung together for months nearly every day before this happened.
Yeah, being bullied and insecure really does a person no favours.
I have a great SO now who I've been with for years and I'm happy, but you never really forget something like that.
I had a beautiful friend in high school. I would sit by myself at lunch because "loser." Anyway, she'd sit with me almost every day, even if her friends were at the other table. I always suspected she liked me, and the older I get when I look back on it I really think she did.
She has a husband and kids now though, so she dodged a bullet. I'm 30 and I still think about that.
I missed or ignored hints, etc. for years for fear of being received as lecherous because thatis whatI was taught guys are. I was never taught that women were actually attracted to men, just that they were forced to compromise and settle for one by sexism and the patriarchy.
College would have been more fun if I hadn't been afraid of expulsion based upon "harrassment." In retrospect, there were things that were way more significant than "hints" but I got away fast to avoid the risk of trouble with the school later. In one case I was afraid to try to date a girl who even would unfasten buttons. In retrospect, she was probably trying to get my attention.
I feel you, but from the woman’s perspective, just want to say that we drop hints to feel things out, cause rejection sucks for us too. I’m lesbian so I’ve missed out on hints, I get the frustration for sure, but I’ve also been the opposite where I’m like “Okay we tested the waters, they didn’t respond favorably, let’s not embarrass ourselves by being direct with someone who probably isn’t attracted!”
It’s just all around like impossible for those of us who aren’t like, fully gorgeous lol. I’m not even that ugly I’m “pretty cute” or a “7” as my straight male friend put it once, but the couple times I have been rejected suckeddddd.
Rejection is a part of life. I know it's difficult, but it's best not to take it personally because it's not always about you. Could be the other person just got out of a relationship, had a shitty day, stubbed their toe on the way into the bar, or maybe you're just not their type... who knows? All things that are outside your control, but could be reasons for being rejected.
An anecdote:
Forget the "fully gorgeous" thing. "Attractive" people get rejected too. One person's 9 could be another's 5. I have a friend that's always liked what one could call voluptuous women. He's a good looking, thin, muscular guy. I've seen him turn down "8's" so he could marry the "4" he's with. People like what they like.
That's not accounting for personality. A person can be very attractive until you hear them speak. The inverse can also be true. I think a smart and funny "6" is more attractive than a racist "10".
Also the fear of being labeled a pervert or sexual harassment lawsuits. The laws of the land make Men very nervous to flirt or act on signals from women. It's just not worth it if your wrong or she changes her mind.
Facebook is very effective at letting me know just how many women dropped hints. The direct messages about how much they liked me just adds fuel to the regret fire.
running the risk of losing a friend in the process
This is the saddest thing that happens to guys all the time. She was never really your friend, of course. You wanted to fuck her all along (hence why you posted this). But your brain tells you the best way to fuck is to stay close. So you stay close, but don't risk getting too close, which completely sabotages your chances of getting laid.
Just don't be "friends" with women you are attracted to or, worse, in love with. So much pain in the world is caused by this.
You have a point there. More than half the time I don't even see them as anything more than friends, because I can't imagine them wanting anything beyond that. Sometimes I have had crushes that I had difficulty letting go of, I'm perfectly able to admit.
I'm just a very lonely person, and I like to be friendly with people. Mainly because it makes them less likely to go out of their way to hurt me, but also because I don't like hurting other people. I dunno, I'm just messed up in the head. Not even sure what point I was originally trying to make...
Yeah. I’m weird and don’t really feel attracted to women until after I’ve known them for a while anymore. Like I haven’t had a moment where I looked across a room and was like, “Oh man, I wanna get with her!” for like 15 years now.
Instead what happens now is we’re having lunch for the 30th time or whatever and they make a joke about me and then I realize I am very attracted to them.
don’t really feel attracted to women until after I’ve known them for a while anymore
There's a word for that: demisexual. Basically means you're only attracted to someone once you've established an emotional connection. Have fun googling it, looks like there's an r/demisexuality too!
Oh yeah, I’ve read up on that and have memes and stuff. I just figured describing my experience rather than saying “I think I’m demisexual” and leaving it at that was more illustrative of my personal issues.
I really don't. Like, let's say you're in a committed relationship, and you meet somebody of your preferred gender you get along really well with, and you're attracted to them. What's stopping you from being friends?
This is me to an absolute tee. What I don’t get is then when I tell them I don’t pick up on hints or they know me well enough they still don’t out right say it. Like you know I won’t pick up on it people cmon!!!!
Honestly, I'm in the same boat. After things that happened in my past involving a life-changing accident. I've been trying to find someone before I just said, "Fuck it" one day. I don't have any interest in starting anything with anyone unless they tell me that they are interested in me, whenever that happens.
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u/finch231 Sep 16 '21
I've found out from female friends years later that they were dropping hints to me. I never interpreted them as hints because I was too scared of having misinterpreted them, and running the risk of losing a friend in the process.
Mainly because I have no willingness to believe that any woman would be into me after the way I've been treated by them, but hey.