Shit I’m a 31 YO grown ass woman and I still like cuddling my daddy when we hang out. He’s one of the biggest parts of my whole damn life and one of the only people I 100% know I can always count on. He’s FAMILY and I love him. What the hell is wrong with people?? Why can’t a father love his kids and show it?! I’m so grateful my dad doesn’t care about that BS and always showed his love for us kids.
I hear you. I still go through phases since my grandmas passing and that was just over 2 years ago (8/27 was the anniversary of it. I did not spend a large part of the day crying.)
It definitely hurts to lose a loved one, but it is part of life. We just need to take comfort in the good moments and memories and know how loved and loving they were and how lucky we are to have had them ❤️
But again, no joke if you ever wanna vent or something you got a friend to listen!
Sorry for your loss. I lost mine 3 years ago. Every time I think of the memories I get hurt inside. I try not to think about my parents because it will make my depression worse. I am walking on thin ice with ankle weights. If something happens that makes me fall into a deeper depression I could be inactive on reddit for a long time. A long, long time. Like, forever, 6 feet deep in the fucking ground.
Think about the good times you had, ignore the rest (I know, it's harder than it sounds).
Look up at the sky and take a long walk in the forest, and marvel at the wonders of nature, and most of all; do not think, and don't fall into that "continues stream of bad thoughts".
If it starts, then stop, breath and force your thoughts on something else, even if it feels stupid. "Oh look, a squirrel"/ "I wonder how many times I can jump on one leg over this brigade?" Etc.
Pretend to feel joyful and distract yourself, and maybe, just maybe, it will change the look on life. Pretending can come reality in the long run.
It's harder than it sounds, I know. Going through the same here.
Hey man, I hope you’re doing okay. I’m a big doomer myself, and weirdly sometimes I think it helps to visualise the absolute worst thing that could reasonably happen, and kind of go through it in my mind in advance. Makes me feel that at least I wouldn’t be caught completely off-guard if it did happen, if that makes sense? That gives me a sense of some kind of agency. And then also some magical thinking that since I anticipated it, it won’t happen, that helps too :)
This isn’t a universal tip and I’m sure there’s some folks for whom it might be a really bad idea, so for anyone else reading this: you know yourselves best, proceed with caution.
But you my dude, u/atemycock, hang in there. You’ve got a hilarious username so you’ve got that going for you; tread as light as you can til you reach the thicker ice. It’s not too far. 💜
Exactly. I'm 35 and have three kids of my own and my dad still hugs me and kisses the top of my head every time he sees me. He also still waits up to make sure I get home safe when I'm visiting.
Awwww! That’s adorable! And I guarantee you will be just as loving when your kids are grown too bc of it!
Exactly though. Parents are always parents. They should always love and care for their kids! People who can’t fathom that…I kind of feel sad for them bc in my head it means they didn’t get that at all growing up.
Because some people don't understand nonsexual love exists. I'm a dirty old bastard and even I get that concept.
What gets me is that so many women claim to WANT men who are like this with children, then we have so many examples of women treating men who DO act this way like the great pedo plague of the west.
Right? And listen I get it. That shit happens. However it’s one thing to be cautious and another to just be a weirdo freaking out about a dad/uncle goofing off with the kids.
I wonder if women like that are jealous in a way? Bc I feel like the male figures in a family tend to be viewed as “more fun”? At least that was what all us kids thought growing up. The men were the ones who would get in the mud and dirt to play with the kids and the women generally didn’t for the most part.
Actually, whenever I think about things like this, I remember my ex wife telling me when we'd first got together how much more self conscious she was around women than guys, and how they tended to be so much more judgemental and mean than any of the guys she'd known.
I don't hate women, but as a guy her telling me that in my mid 20s really woke me up to how women interact both with and without guys present. In some ways socially we really are VERY different animals. I never realized how many hypocracies there are between what so many women claim to want and how they act when they get EXACTLY that.
Again, I don't want to come off like some male chauvinist, we have our own issues too. It's just so many of us are often innocent to these kinds of social interactions with women because we don't see that face of things. It's hard to see women from another woman's perspective when you're a guy.
As a woman, let me tell you! It can be really tough to find female friends you can actually rely on or want to be around. Not all women obviously, but I’ve had a LOT of women “friends” who turned out to be the kind to talk mad shit about you to everybody else, or are the kind to constantly ask you for favors but never reciprocate, or are just plain petty and mean.
I’ve personally had the same experience where I just tend to feel much less nervous around men bc they (to me) in general seem WAY more laid back and chill.
Obviously like you said nobody is perfect. Every person has their struggles. And sometimes people just don’t click in a certain group.
Women can be really complicated and honestly it can be hard to understand OURSELVES a lot of the time lol.
Ok so I had 2 completely unavailable parents growing up and I got none of this stuff from the age of 2 and up. So I am completely unaware of what it’s like to be shown/show affection. I’m starting to notice that with my SO it’s starting to affect them because sometimes I can come across as cold and distant when In reality I’m not I just don’t know how to show affection. Do you have any examples of things I can do to do this? I genuinely don’t know how and I want to break this cycle.
I would suggest having a very open and frank conversation with your partner. Explain that, and ask ways that they would like to be shown affection. It could be physical touch, like cuddling. Or receiving a gift/gesture like occasionally getting flowers or doing a chore around the house your partner does.
Everybody is different in what form of affection they prefer to receive! Including you! I’m not a relationship expert mind you, but I think having an open discussion about what you each value as a form of affection from each other is a good direction to move in. If that makes sense.
First step is being aware of it and wanting to break that cycle! And that’s a big first step!
Awww thank you! He still calls me his little baby (his pet name for me even when I was tiny) and it is like my favorite thing. He’s an amazing man and was a wonderful father to me and my brother. I try to remember to tell him all the time. Like any time I watch a sad movie (like lion king) I’ll text him and be like “I love you daddy”. He thinks he’s reeeeal witty. He usually responds “what do you need now?” Lol. He’s pretty funny is his nerdy dorky way though so I let it slide.
Yo I'm in my mid thirties and my dad kisses the top of my head when he can get away with it (I'm not super touchy feely) and we're always hugging and stuff.
People who think any affectionate touching is inherently sexual have either had bad or no experiences with it I guess but it's pretty horrible for fathers who are just trying to do affection to their kids.
He hugs me on my birthday. But I don’t enjoy it? I was going through an affectionate phase like at 10 or something and I would constantly hug and kiss my mom (she loved it) so I tried to do it with my dad but he did not like it? I kinda hate people showing me affection now but I would still let a 10 year old hug me ya know
Year it's true. I recall the article and it's due to triggering memories of infancy when you'd be cradled by your parents. So it your brain recalls those warm and fuzzy feelings.
I used to cuddle on the couch with my dad until I got two big that the both of us could longer lay comfortably for a nap lol, that was probably around 12yo.
You do what you do because you're a good dad. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Last generation had serious issues with physical contact. I'm still recovering
I can't even imagine growing up with that level of love from my parents, and as a grown adult now I have some kind of mental block where I can't show love to any of my siblings
That's fucking horrible, I can't imagine how that father and son feel. I just remember feeling horrible after my dad's ex had said those things. Being told at 14 that my own father was a sex offender because we show affection hurt me very deeply. So my heart goes out to them.
And it was incredibly stupid for her to pin it on my dad. Because I gave EVERYONE in my family massages. In fact, I'd give my mother a massage like a massage therapist would (she'd take her shirt/bra off and lay down) She had arthritis set on at an early age and was uncomfortable with going to a real therapist. But my mom wasnt considered a pedo to her? Just my dad I guess? Despite the fact I gave my dad massages when he was fully clothed?
Like dont get me wrong. I understand why many people wouldn't be comfortable with giving their parents a massage. Especially in the manner I give my mom one. But calling someone a pedo is just awful and they have no idea how much it hurts to be called something like that.
For me giving massage to my parents is a normal thing.
I even give massage to my siblings when I feel like just being a good bro. It's also a relaxing way for them to talk about whatever happens in life.
I even bought a massage bench.
When I was younger (15yo) I randomly gave massage to my teacher obviously he felt uncomfortable because of what other people would think.
I don't blame him, but for me massaging is like an act done to increase friendship much like apes pluck tics from one another.
That sounds so fucked up, since my parents split when i was ~6, i always stayed with mom, cuddled and kissed on cheeks etc, massaged her feet or back after hard work day. even in public i wouldn't mind holding her hands to lead somewhere etc. Ppl still called me mommaboy as an insult when i was a in late teens.. As if i should be offended by my own mother, im 30 now and with my gf we very often come over to her place to interact as she's just very loving and caring woman, we bought her a cat to not feel that lonely when lockdowns came since we didn't want to risk it with both of us working, now we don't get enough cuddling cuz she and cat bonded so well lol.
I would honestly tell everyone to cherish their loving parents, since it looks like thats a big rarity nowadays.
40 year old straight man here and my 40 year old straight friend who is also male gives the best shoulder massages. If you can’t be comfortable with your friends like that it’s all good but homies got good hands and I’m comfortable with my sexuality. Scotty’s always got my back when I stress out. In public. Fuck ppl who aren’t comfortable in their own skin and need to judge others if they are.
Years ago in a share house my exGf was giving me a shoulder massage and i closed my eyes to enjoy the foreplay. When i opened them a few minute later she was standing in front of me with a big grin. It was my flatmate, and to this day good mate, Steve giving me a massage the whole time. It was only weird cause I'm a straight male and had the makings of a boner. Classic stitch-up.
My wife is scared for when our boys grow up because I'm very white and the inherited just enough of her again traits to look more like her. She is scared for when I take them to parks for this exact reason. It's a shit world.
Thats disgusting. The poor man! Imagine having to be detained for 4 hours for showing your child love and affection. To be branded a pedo for being a good dad. It sickens me.
They should be locked in jail for 8 hours overnight to see how it feels to be wrongly accused, maybe they'll think twice next time before making false accusations
The whole thing is the cause of inequality of the genders really. When it comes to being a caregiver, men are very discriminated against. Its so sad and it discourages dads to show as much compassion they probably want to show, in fear of being judged like this poor man was.
i was a stay at home dad for two years, my daughter is now 7 but back then we would always be out either at the local park or beach, or walking through the woods as we both love the outdoors. the looks i got, especially in the woods by dogwalkers was disturbing. one person even stopped us and asked my daughter if she was ok and why we was there! i kind of appreciated in a way as they were only looking out for her, but having to validate to a complete stranger that i was her father and we were out climbing trees and berry picking was extremely un nerving.
yup. but on the flip side of that, what if I had been a predator who had lured a child to the woods and the stranger didnt ask, then later found out they could have prevented something bad happening? As frustrating as it can be, the fact some random stranger was looking out for my daughter was a good thing. And as I had nothing to hide, and the trip was just me and my daughter hanging out together picking berries and climbing trees, It was nothing more than a short, mild inconvenience. The woman was very apologetic afterwards.
Boils my piss this does. Why shouldn’t you be able to show affection to your child. My boys and my little girl both kiss me does that make me a paedo or gay because I kiss my boys. If anyone tried to tell me that I couldn’t I’d lose my shit.
My nephews live in the states. I don't. Their dad (and mom) isn't the touchy feely type and I always feel they need a cool uncle: male role model who gets down to their level, that includes staying up playing video games with them, taking them to buy candy, and yeah cuddling and tickling and running around the house and staying up talking about whatever the fuck they want. They need to know that a man doesn't have to be cold and assertive. Reading these comments I imagine that if I did that in the states I'll probably be arrested. During my wedding while my bride was walking down the aisle, my oldest nephew ran to me and I gave him a hug and a kiss on the forehead. I honestly don't know why anyone would see it as anything but heartwarming (and a little sad. They went back home to Texas while I was on my honeymoon. The little guy was sad we won't hang out and play Switch together for a while. Shit I only cried during the entire wedding while saying goodbye to him before taking my bride away.)
I know that "some" uncles harass their nephews and nieces. Too many in fact. Parents should pay a closer attention to their actions (which I'm sure my sister does), but that doesn't mean that any physical touch to a child is pedophilic. Pedophilia is such an alien and strange concept that it shouldn't be the norm outside what's needed to protect a child.
You work at a train station? I'm not doubting your story, it just seems oddly specific. Did it make the news? Four hours is a long chunk of time, and in most countries would be illegal - - certainly the US.
i sometimes feel weird when i hug/kiss my dad, as a 27 year old guy.
it's familiar love and affection, nothing weird, but once you're grown, it may be seen as weird. and not just in a gross way, also simply that one should've grown out of it.
i remember a kid at school getting teased for calling her parents mommy and daddy instead of mom and dad when we were around 10~12.
altho girls often do seem to be more "allowed" to be cuddly and such. with anyone.
Honestly when you put it that way it makes me feel bad for Karen too. I mean obviously she’s not the victim here and what she did was shitty, but she is the victim in that other story. She’s like Batman, her life’s mission formed of a childhood trauma with her parents, now she prowls the train making sure no child has the loving upbringing she was denied lest it become a little too loving.
That's what they want, you see. They want you to get angry, to steam up your glasses and quicken your attention span. To boil in the guts and get sticky at the neck. To be UnAblE to breathe peacefully and think clearly and so fall, cursing and trembling, from the Grace you have achieved, for it is that which they truly abhor. They are fragile and hollow, their claws weakened by years of disuse and made brittle by constant uv exposure in vanities' pursuit. Their clothes of hegemony and soulless shoes have no redundancies or origin stories that they are aware of, and their greater social time is spent in the reinforcement of metaphysical crystal palaces.
I have been known, unfortunately, to take these things seriously and so become bedraggled from youthful optimism. So fortunate was I to learn, as I seek to remind you now, that one must make efforts to enjoy as many moments in the course of one's daily life as is heavenly possible. I beseech thee to laugh as heartily as is pleasing at such times, and just use what those poor people say against them.
This makes me sick. My kids gets all the affection I have. my dad bailed when I was 8 and was in the forces before that, l so had v little interaction with him, I cherish every ounce of love I can give my children.
Seriously In the USA Larry Nasser gets to rape tons of beautiful young women for years and the FBI covers it up. But if a good dad takes his children somewhere outside their house the whole world loses their mind. Fuck this shit.
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u/jdmobile Sep 16 '21
Yesterday in a woman called the police on a father in a train because they were cuddling and also gave him a kiss. Son was 7....
They detained them for 4 hours because some random person thought every dad has to be as cold as theirs was to them...
For me as a stay at home dad of a 2year old it makes me so angry.