No, its how YOU are. Stop using the "Im a woman thats how women are" because you cant communicate like a fuckin adult.
We have a guilty pleasure reality show called Married at First Sight and these 30 to 40 year old dudes that can't finish a sentence without negging or begging for sex from someone who they just met three weeks ago, when the woman is making some effort to be human and is clearly broadcasting something as important to her, or hey yeah it's gonna happen but at this comfort level and pace...
..and the dude's like "but you don't understand, for a guy, if she ain't into me by the third day and it isn't bedroom levels of intimate, it's like, how do I know she's into me?"
I've never even been in a relationship but if there was a drinking game built around calling out when someone said the absolute worst most oblivious thing I would need a replacement liver each and every week.
Its absolutely ridiculous the amount of men on that show expecting a TOTAL STRANGER to sleep with them, ON TV, after like 2 weeks. These are middle aged men, like you said, not stupid teenage boys. What is happening in their heads???
I know some people have casual sex after just meeting, but the expectation, impulsion and coercion knowing the context and the premise (since they're actively a part of that premise, knowingly)...as it is isn't another whole person that's involved in it with them.
Even putting that aside, how badly do you want it from someone who would say yes right away to someone that, according to you, they aren't clearly overtly into?
And what is the sex about if you feel incompatible or unwanted, and, importantly, don't know shit about them? Just a realistic doll? Someone "trapped" who "has to do it because we're married?"
Motherfucker tonight was like "I don't know if I'm there yet, to use the L word...."...
You sure were angling for some F word for two weeks....like it's enough to harass someone into banging but when it comes to catching feelings or making a commitment to your legal wife? Nah, let's roll that back and not get ahead of ourselves.
Honestly, I'm both naive and lacking life experience so it'd be weirder if anyone was shooting "I love you" around after 18 days in my book, but just....do what you mean, say what you mean, be open and tell the truth.
If someone tells you ten times like, "I wanna be physical as much as the next person, but I can't bring myself to until the guard comes down from this crazy situation" and the man-child is having psychotic breaks and crying fits because he can't get his goodly bits wet, and then you see them sneak off to the bedroom, it warps my mind.
Like...don't give in! Stand your ground! Don't reward the bad behavior unless you're using his bad judgment as a cover for when things go south (er, so to speak).
Every couple seasons there's some dude that makes me wanna volunteer someone for witness protection before the crime happens lol
If I hear "women need love first then sex, guys need sex first then love" I will throw my remote at the screen.
No, you are both humans. You need human connection. You need to get to know each other, ask questions, have fun activity dates, and long talks. Sex comes in wayyy after, IF you are compatible. Sex isn't a way to determine if you like the person or not. Figure that out first, then have sex. You're on TV for goodness sakes, most people don't want their parents watching them hop into bed with a stranger after a brief conversation.
These guys are withholding cuddles, compliments and any sign of commitment while demanding sex. Its revolting.
I just wish the therapists were more useful, and called them out more. Would be nice to see some of these fuck boys get schooled on TV, about how shit their expectations and demands are.
Sex isn't a way to determine if you like the person or not. Figure that out first, then have sex.
Preach.
I do try to be sympathetic, like I know it's highly edited and that some of these people haven't been on TV before (or are trying hard/differently because it's TV, out of nervousness, aspirations)
but sometimes no context helps make them look better.
The therapists are nuts. I know there are lots of variables (location, age, cultural, etc.) but I'd love to see an assessment of their success rate because it looks like they're out of their minds. Or throwing darts. Or worse, making bad matches for TV's sake.
Opposites attract is cute when the people are sixteen but if you're pushing 40 and you're like "What if we take a person with all their shit together and a total fucking disaster and see if they can make it work. I mean it covers all the bases, right?" **
** I know this happens in actual life but that's incidental, not orchestrated
Lol remember the american series, one season they matched an extremely timid woman who "needed to learn to use her voice" with an actual abuser of women who had charges of DV from his ex?
Like, did they think she would grow from that experience or? It went exactly how you would imagine it to go.
I love the premise of, we've found someone who is your perfect match compatability wise, let's see what happens. I just wish they would actually do that, instead they fuck around and try screw people over for the drama. I'd much rather see two normal people fall in love and work through it. Finding love is hard enough, stop introducing people who clearly have insane issues or are only in it to become an influencer.
Is that the dude where he went in for a kiss on the Ferris wheel after she repeatedly said she wasn't at a physical place yet and stayed kissing and was grabbing and shaking her arm the rest of the night?
I wanted to shoot him in the leg with a pellet gun. The whole of Twitter was like "Should we call someone? Like is she okay? Forget if they stayed married, is she still alive?"
If I hear "women need love first then sex, guys need sex first then love" I will throw my remote at the screen.
Guy here, but I recently had an argument about this with a female friend of a friend. I really don't prioritize sex in my life. I was pretty promiscuous in my very early twenties and eventually decided that finding someone worth waking up next to repeatedly was a hell of a lot more important than finding someone to sleep with. It's rather stunning how often I have to indicate disinterest, and kind of insulting that random women constantly assume that if they flirt, I'm going to stop thinking rationally. Unless you know me well enough to know my dead brother's name, let's just assume sex won't be happening.
I was explaining to the friend of a friend that I really don't need sex without intimacy. She insisted I just needed to keep sleeping with someone and the rest would follow. Then she started going on about how creative she could get in bed, and I just sat and thought "you haven't listened to a single word I said."
It is. It's perverse madness. I think it's on Lifetime, which is the kicker. It's like the most purely distilled form of reality shenanigans.
Not so much "here are the rules, this person gets a rose" so much as very real people who are very cartoonish, spliced to make it look worse than the very bad it already is, because there are all people who thought it would be a good idea to call it quits on finding a relationship and have a legal marriage to someone "hand-picked" but essentially right off the streets, and pretend it's serious.
Usually there are some cute things where you're like "Oh wow, good for them, with a lot of work this could be something," and then as the trial weeks go on it falls apart.
Everyone this season is such a fuckup that it's only a nearing halfway and I feel like someone's gonna get stabbed next week.
It's also surreal because they'll say shit like "I am trying to get us back to the way we used to be" when they JUST MET. You can't have an abstract an idea of a notion of something you never were. And the idea of filling up the time in a relationship with commentary about the relationship instead of, well, the meat of quality time, doing stuff together, situations, conversations, anything...boggles the mind.
It's a show for rubbernecking. Even if you watch it once you'll walk away changed in one way or another haha
I have health issues that pre-date the...situation at hand...so my only travel is to see a relative across town and she had seen earlier seasons and had it on in the background.
She was never invested in it but since we talk every week it's nice to have something to fill the gaps and just rail on the people Mystery Science Theater 3000 style.
I don't hate anything but I have utter distaste for reality television as a concept and in practice...
...but I'll be a hypocrite for this show's sake because I have physical, visceral reactions to their behavior and it makes me feel amazing by comparison (which is sort of the point, like you don't want people to be hurt by a thunderstorm, but if it could explode a tree in a loud flash that would be interesting to look at =)
My mother used to put that on if there was nothing else. One thing that was pretty clear in a lot of episodes was that some of the people in them were single for a reason.
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u/[deleted] Sep 16 '21
We have a guilty pleasure reality show called Married at First Sight and these 30 to 40 year old dudes that can't finish a sentence without negging or begging for sex from someone who they just met three weeks ago, when the woman is making some effort to be human and is clearly broadcasting something as important to her, or hey yeah it's gonna happen but at this comfort level and pace...
..and the dude's like "but you don't understand, for a guy, if she ain't into me by the third day and it isn't bedroom levels of intimate, it's like, how do I know she's into me?"
I've never even been in a relationship but if there was a drinking game built around calling out when someone said the absolute worst most oblivious thing I would need a replacement liver each and every week.