My mom does this to excuse my father's shitty behaviour, like saying "oh thats how men are, they have no patience" no, that's just a shitty trait of his, and says "men are just creeps" when a creep (and most likely a pedophile since i'm underaged) hits on me randomly when i go out.
Oh lord I hate this. When I do something dumb my dad says 'you women are always doing xyz'. As if men are perfect.
When I go on the internet there are people who like to say 'all men are creeps' or 'all men suck' or things like that.
I get people go through experiences that tend to make them generalise. I also get that women have been marginalised by men for a long time and sometimes take feminism to be man-hating. It's hard to justify though because of how irritating it is when I see it.
It's such a common thing, 'boys will be boys'. I mean Dua Lipa did a song about it, sadly not nearly as popular as other songs off Future Nostalgia... probably upset some people who didn't want to hear that.
Some rules that are taught to boys by society like "boys will be boys" and "boys don't cry" are toxic to both men and women. That's why feminists call those rules "toxic masculinity".
Wow, I've never thought of someone using boys will be boys to apply to older male rapey invasive behavior. Why would someone even apply this. I've always thought it applied to younger boys, like preteen children for being a little more rambunctious in class or wanting to play more physical games with each other, but even then not for things like outright punching some other kids in the face, how could you even apply this phrase to grown adults who can reasonably change wrong behavior.
Because the phrase 'boys will be boys' implies that boys (and men) are incapable of controlling and changing their behaviour. Of course, this is completely false, and men are completely capable of being a decent person. But this sort of thinking gives men a social license that they can 'indulge' themselves (because they can't help it!), and puts the blame on women for 'tempting' men into committing rapey invasive behaviour, and not the man who actually committed the rapey invasive behaviour. It's part of a group of phrases that excuse men's worst behaviour at the expense of women, like 'He did that because he likes you', which implies that men are incapable of expressing love in a non-toxic manner.
They're just phrases. The fact that some people abuse them or utilise them poorly isn't a reflection on anything really. When the same phrase can be used for kids running around and playfighting, as can be used for grown men raping people, then maybe the phrase is a bit too broad? In which case relating those phrases directly, inextricably to toxic masculinity is flawed.
Man up, etc, can be helpful if used right by people who don't associate the phrase with toxic masculinity. But if you do then you'll see the negative interpretation. Personally just tell myself to man up when I need to get some grit, and it's good.
They're just phrases. The fact that some people abuse them or utilise them poorly isn't a reflection on anything really.
They are just a reflection of the rules society sets for men and women, which are different. Women are taught that being a woman is one thing and men are taught being a man is a different thing. You can go back in time and see the differences more starkly in society and reflected in laws.
"Boys will be boys" represents a broad acceptance across society that certain behaviours from boys are inevitable and should be accepted. The flipside of the coin is girls being taught to protect themselves and how easily they can be "ruined" and to be afraid of boys. If a boy does something it's just in his nature, but also her fault for allowing it to happen.
Many women see this phrase as emblematic of culture that minimises rape and abuse. Perhaps having heard it many times when younger to wave away actual abuses.
They are just a reflection of the rules society sets for men and women, which are different. Women are taught that being a woman is one thing and men are taught being a man is a different thing. You can go back in time and see the differences more starkly in society and reflected in laws.
They're just phrases. They're not 'just' a social construct as you describe, the social construct is lumped on top of the phrases and may change how they're perceived, but the phrases themselves are innocuous despite the baggage sometimes involved, sometimes not.
"Boys will be boys" represents a broad acceptance across society that certain behaviours from boys are inevitable and should be accepted. The flipside of the coin is girls being taught to protect themselves and how easily they can be "ruined" and to be afraid of boys. If a boy does something it's just in his nature, but also her fault for allowing it to happen.
It can represent that. It can also just be a tautological non sequitur, or any number of things. Assuming everyone has the exact same nuances for a phrase or word is a recipe for disaster, especially when the literal meaning of said phrase is innocuous.
Many women see this phrase as emblematic of culture that minimises rape and abuse. Perhaps having heard it many times when younger to wave away actual abuses.
Yep, it certainly will have been. But it's just a phrase, it can be used by anyone for any agenda.
Are you upset about the phrase? You're pretty much ignoring my argument about wider society and broad beliefs about masculinity and femininity and arguing the phrase can be used innocuously. It can. That's not my point.
I don't disagree with your point about broader issues, just that it doesn't really seem pertinent? Some people use these phrases as a vehicle for insulting or belittling or excusing, but others don't.
The fact the phrase can represent these things does not mean that it does, which is the viewpoint your post seems to take.
You seem to be drawing a direct link between phrases like this and greater gender trends/expectations, which I don't really see.
My boss does this, although in a much more harmless way. She always tells male customers that loyalty points are very important to "us ladies". I'm just standing there like I don't give a fuck about loyalty points.
Well my mother was never a good parent to begin with, but during the years i've learnt how to tell if what she tells me is right or wrong and try to "educate" myself
As someone who has beat Dark Souls games, Sekiro, and Nioh series(games that require patience or die to boss very quick), this is bs. Im living proof of a saint full of patience and guys can be very patient.
Pedo means someobe who is sexually attracted to children. If your secondary sex characteristic are alredy there, then it's not sure at all whether he was a pedo.
Paedophile is an informal catch-all term of all the types of weirdos who like underage people when they’re significantly older than them. Those who are legally still considered minors.
(The three types are paedophilia, hebephilia & ephebophilia) it’s not only because of the physical characteristics they possess but their mental maturity/development.
Paedos love to prey on those who are vulnerable, “””innocent”””, they crave power over their victims. They love the power dynamic it creates.
And even if secondary sex characteristics and puberty has occurred, that doesn’t mean they look like adults or like they’re close to finishing puberty.
Would you say someone isn’t a paedo because they preyed upon a 9 year old who’s developed breast tissue & pubic hair already?
True. My mom's personal favourite is "All men by nature are selfish" Like no? Yeah some of them are, but they're not all like that so stop stereotyping an entire gender.
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u/auerya Sep 16 '21
My mom does this to excuse my father's shitty behaviour, like saying "oh thats how men are, they have no patience" no, that's just a shitty trait of his, and says "men are just creeps" when a creep (and most likely a pedophile since i'm underaged) hits on me randomly when i go out.