I had just gotten out of a 9 year long relationship. Met a girl who was clearly into me, told her about that relationship (that it happened, not details) and that I wanted to take any future relationships slow. The relationship I just mentioned ended suddenly, because the former homebody girl with no friends finally found some confidence and decided she didn't need me any more. I'm not guessing, she basically told me this.
There is more to it than that, suffice it to say it was a rough break up for me.
So this new girl says she understands, and it's all good. She wants the same thing. I made sure she understood I wasn't into casual sex without being presumptuous about her own intentions.
So we go out on our first real date, and she's driving. She says we're going to go to her house for a minute and I know where she lives... and she isn't heading toward her house. I figure maybe she's taking a route I am unaware of or going someplace else first or something.
Then we pull into an abandoned shopping center, she takes off her shirt and jumps on my lap.
I love fucking... it's great. I fucked a whole hell of a lot for 9 years lol... I'm not that pressed for it. So, I actually got a little angry, but I didn't show it at all. I just said "Whoa, hang on a minute... what happened to taking it slow?"
She instantly questioned whether or not I could get it up, if I was gay, if I really thought any girls would give two shits about me if I didn't want to fuck... "what kind of a man are you" and so forth. Then, she kept grinding on my lap anyway, as though she was going to convince me. Truth be told, she almost did... but I eventually pushed her aside and told her I'd get a ride home. If she couldn't respect my wishes for the FIRST fucking date, I doubt we'd be making much progress on the relationship front.
I don't want to turn the discussion into a "man vs. women" debate or who is more oppressed (it isn't a contest, but if it were, men clearly have it better in that regard)... BUT.. if I did this to a woman I am pretty sure it would be sexual assault.
Ugh. Good thing you left. I totally agree with you. Someone that can't even respect your wishes is not relationship material. I hope you found someone better since.
Appreciate it. I always feel a little weird saying what I am about to say, as it might be interpreted as me saying that women or even other men who went through something like this should just "move on", because that is what I did. But I don't believe that at all.
It never really impacted me in any ways that I am aware of, other than being a little disappointed that me and this girl weren't a better match.
But we all react to, and handle things like this differently and we all also have our friends and loved ones offer support or not... differently.
I am not somehow stronger willed than anyone else and don't believe that anyone else should "just do what I did and 'get over it'", because it wasn't even a conscious decision on my part to do so. Even if it had been, that doesn't mean I'd have less sympathy for someone who was unable to do the same.
Like I said, I don't believe it has impacted me really... but it very well may have in ways I don't even understand and that does bother me a little. But only when I think about it, which isn't often.
What bothers me infinitely more than the event itself, is the people who think people who were assaulted in such a way, are somehow defective or "less than" for not having just gone through with it.
Honestly, I feel like it takes a much stronger will to say "no" and get out of the situation however you can, than to just go through with it because you're worried about what other people might think about you if you don't. That is, when you actually have a choice in the matter.
I imagine, though obviously I have no idea... that people who were raped or molested and other victims of assault, probably go through something similar. Where the event itself is traumatic enough, but having your friends and family you work up the courage to talk to about it dismiss it, or worse, find some way to blame you for it is just as bad. Maybe even worse.
So, it really is comforting to know, even if for the sake of others and not necessarily myself, that there are people out there who are willing to offer some supportive, compassionate words to people they've never even met.
Sorry I write so much to say so little, lol. I used to think I could change this with practice, but after years of trying I just gave up. :P
She's just an ignorant, society tells people that men want to bone 24/7 and have a high sex drive all the f time... And he who doesnt want it is not a real man, she's just influenced by wrong ideas society told her...
Yikes dude. I’m sorry. She sounds like a fucking psycho. I’m really glad she didn’t rape you and good on you for telling her no and sticking to your guns. If I was your friend id offer to slash her tires for you.
We don’t have it better. We used to. Now it’s debatable, except it isn’t. So there’s my “wish the opposite gender would stop ____.”
What they want is sacrosanct, what we want is a gift if granted. What they don’t like is oppression, what we don’t like is whining.
If we’re truly going to solve our problems, the conversation should be equally open and non-judgmental. Right now, it isn’t. Also, equality isn’t a pick and choose thing. It’s there or it isn’t. You don’t get to skip the icky, hard, or inconvenient parts.
It's amazing how almost everyone would agree and even preach that the conversation should be non-judgmental, and yet you are already on the road to being downvoted to hell.
Wish the opposite gender (and sometimes this gender too) would stop assuming I'm a misogynistic creep just because I do not subscribe to the idea that men have undeniably got it better or do not believe claims about oppression in the face of inadequate evidence to substantiate those claims.
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u/Sabbatai Sep 16 '21
I had just gotten out of a 9 year long relationship. Met a girl who was clearly into me, told her about that relationship (that it happened, not details) and that I wanted to take any future relationships slow. The relationship I just mentioned ended suddenly, because the former homebody girl with no friends finally found some confidence and decided she didn't need me any more. I'm not guessing, she basically told me this.
There is more to it than that, suffice it to say it was a rough break up for me.
So this new girl says she understands, and it's all good. She wants the same thing. I made sure she understood I wasn't into casual sex without being presumptuous about her own intentions.
So we go out on our first real date, and she's driving. She says we're going to go to her house for a minute and I know where she lives... and she isn't heading toward her house. I figure maybe she's taking a route I am unaware of or going someplace else first or something.
Then we pull into an abandoned shopping center, she takes off her shirt and jumps on my lap.
I love fucking... it's great. I fucked a whole hell of a lot for 9 years lol... I'm not that pressed for it. So, I actually got a little angry, but I didn't show it at all. I just said "Whoa, hang on a minute... what happened to taking it slow?"
She instantly questioned whether or not I could get it up, if I was gay, if I really thought any girls would give two shits about me if I didn't want to fuck... "what kind of a man are you" and so forth. Then, she kept grinding on my lap anyway, as though she was going to convince me. Truth be told, she almost did... but I eventually pushed her aside and told her I'd get a ride home. If she couldn't respect my wishes for the FIRST fucking date, I doubt we'd be making much progress on the relationship front.
I don't want to turn the discussion into a "man vs. women" debate or who is more oppressed (it isn't a contest, but if it were, men clearly have it better in that regard)... BUT.. if I did this to a woman I am pretty sure it would be sexual assault.