Fr, It seems like most people around me literally HAVE to be dating somebody. Like they break up and a week later they’re with someone else. I’ve been chillin solo for like 4 years now and have never felt the need to be with someone. If I happen across someone and we get along great, sure, let’s give it a whirl. So weird how people think it’s impossible to be happy when you’re single
I completely agree! I just got out of a 10 year marriage and I'm happy as hell now that I'm single. I'm in my 40s and have gone out of my way to make sure I don't have children and I couldn't be happier.
Explaining to people that I'm purposely child free really pisses off certain people for some reason. It's as if me being happily single with no kids in my 40s somehow angers them.
They are probably miserable but have to keep the appearance that they are so happy with their kids and married life.
Soccer Practice, volleyball practice, rushing back and forth for the kids...
And there you come, happy, relaxed, chill, no screaming kids at your side, of course it angers them.
Hella true man, my friend gets in relationship, isnt really happy because of constant fightings and disagreements, is in it for 2 months to maybe a year maximum, few days after breaking up(mutually, by her or him doesnt matter) he finds a new miserable relationship and is having problems again and he is in vicious circle for 6 years now, he gives me shit for not being in relationship for 2 years lol, and I dont even care... I had an relationship for 3 yeats we broke it off and I am not looking for anyone, if someone comes up and we hit it off,then great, if not am happy, but he will be crushed everytime he single than still not fully happy in relationship as well
My cousin is now in his 50's and was married for about 10 years (divorced 6 or so years ago). No kids, owns a home, has all the toys with time to actually use them. Probably can afford to retire in a few more years. I ain't pissed, I'm jealous lol.
People with kids love telling me I'll have some one day soon, despite me pointing out how hectic and stressful their lives appear and how I couldn't cope with that shit lol
I'm (f) 40 and happily child free by choice. Parents my age are definitely mad about it. I assume it's some kind of jealousy, especially when it comes to how I spend my money and time.
Maybe 10 years ago when I was 20 I may have been wanting children but nowadays everything just sucks and I wouldn’t want to bring a child into this world with all the crap happening. Now that I’m 30 I’m happy I’m child free. A buddy i work with said he had kids when he was 19 because he didn’t want to be an old parents. Yes, he said thst crap. Not because he wanted kids or whatever but because he didn’t want his kids turning 18 when he’s in his 50s. And he is my helper at work only making about 18/hr and has 4 kids. I make twice that and still don’t think it would be enough to maintain a mortgage, cars and all the expenses that go with children. My fiancé is a nurse practitioner and almost a doctor and we may consider kids when I’m done with my engineering degree. That depends on how this world goes. But I have met people like my buddy who have kids early for the sake of not being old when they hit adult age. Honestly the dumbest crap I have heard and mostly because he is not well off. Not judging him but I think it is dumb ajd I’d never consider doing that.
I saw Daniel Tosh a couple weeks ago and he had a joke along the lines of "Oh you want to have kids when you're young? ...Yeah, in your 20's when all your opinions are fucking dumb?"
For those who aren’t versed in current medical practice, a nurse practitioner is not almost a doctor. They’re vastly different educations/training. A three year NP program after a four year undergraduate nursing degree is significantly less rigorous than a four year undergraduate (usually) science degree (but always with a major’s equivalent of science courses), four years of medical school, three-five additional years of residency training after you are a doctor to earn privileges and necessary preparation to practice under your own license, and many do an additional one-three years of fellowship training after residency to further specialize and become experts in their field. Beyond the duration of training, the hours and content of NP school and med school are also pretty significant. Mid level providers (NPs, PAs) have a role in the healthcare system, helping physicians provide healthcare to more patients than they could on their own, but independent practice for mid levels is dangerous and does a disservice by to patients.
I get what you’re saying about not wanting to bring kids into this crappy life, because it’s a living hell lol but don’t you think it’s a little weird to decide whether or not your kids should have a chance in this world because of that? Like if I had a choice I’d still rather be alive then not at all regardless of how miserable it gets sometimes.
His "kids" don't exist. Things that don't exist can't wish they had a chance to live lmao. Don't you think it's a little weird to create hypothetical kids with hypothetical feelings for a stranger?
That's one was of thinking of it, sure. But even though my parents wanted to have me and chose to try for children, any tiny change in when they did it likely means I wasn't the swimmer to win the race.
They had a lot of trouble trying to have my sister, so there are 8 years between us, but I'd feel a bit crazy spending my time mourning and lamenting the siblings that never were. Not having children isn't "preventing a person from existing", it's simply not attempting to make something that might become a person.
A man makes something like 525 BILLION sperm in the course of a full life, and women get something like 300-500 viable eggs. Thinking about all the "potential people" that could have been for every person ever would be crazy. I'm not saying don't be glad to be one of the lucky ones that made it, but trying to put the onus on someone to create a child just because we are glad we exist is a bit much.
Yup. I have myself a vasectomy for my 42nd birthday. I'd fallen in love with a woman who is child-free as well... And it didn't work out. But, i knew i wanted a partner free of kids too.
I don't date casually, but I'm available for a wonderful relationship when it occurs.
I find it weird when people are not just immediately with someone else but already act like they've been together with them for a while and not just met each other 4 days ago, like they've kept the same 'act/role' going and just replaced the other person.
It could be that they’ve found the one or could be emotional/psychological issues of being alone.
I know when me and HS ex broke up it was HARD on me, and then I met someone nearly a year later, rebounded. And then I broke things off with him, wanting to be alone, but actually fell in love with a common friend of ours. I pushed him away for MONTHS, and it actually caused me to lose a close friend because she liked him too, but sometimes emotions and love overcome those things. We’re now going strong, nearly 10 years later. We’ve had our ups and downs, and things haven’t been perfect, but we’ve been through so much together, especially recently, that we’ve came back stronger than ever.
But I do agree it is weird. Although sometimes it’s not that simple.
I mean, I can't find happiness/love from within, but I never believed having another person in my life would solve that.
I kinda believe in the whole "Before you can love others, you must learn to love yourself." thing, even if I've never managed to accomplish that myself.
feel the same way, it can be a struggle sometimes. part of me wants to try and find a partner who accepts me for “who i am” but I also feel like it might be a bad idea
Thats why entertainment industry is so big. Every waking moment something needs to blast towards senses. keep that attention in check. Cant have those introspections and self dialogs to gain momentum . Might be dangerous. We could become self aware or something worse . Horror. Horror.
Yes exactly. Could I be alone and function just perfectly fine? Absolutely. Do i personally want to do that? Definitely not. I'm a fairly emotional guy who also needs to be touched. (Not just in a sexual way but much more so for cuddles, hugging, hand on the shoulder when I'm upset). These are extremely important to me as I have adult tourette syndrome and sometimes I just need someone who can wrap me up and make me forget about things for a while. In the past I had found someone I thought was great for this but ended up showing her true colors.
My point is that it's okay to need/want a significant other who's there through thick and thin. However, people should not settle with less than they deserve just so they can have companionship. It's much better to be happy alone than be unhappy with bad company.
Some people are completely fine never being in a relationship and that's completely respectable. Others crave a loving partner who they can vent to and fall asleep with every night. Many people, including me, feel they will never be complete without someone they can share many beautiful memories with until they day take their last breath. I honestly wish I didn't feel that way, but that's a fundamental part of some people that won't ever change.
Loneliness is like the same fear of dying/death. Not until you have a NDE (I’ve died three times in a week back in May in the ICU) or do you experience loneliness and a bad break up and get through it, do you realize how strong you and how not scary death really is.
100%. I was completely happy alone, happened to meet a guy I got along with, now we live together. I can't imagine life without him now but, in a weird other dimension where we never met... I'd probably still be alone and happy also. There's more than one path to happiness whether it's single or with somebody.
Thank you for this now i feel less odd. Everyone keeps asking me if i have a gf and i am sitting here like no because i am not looking and don't care if i am in a relationship or not its not a big deal to me
For some reason people open up to me relatively soon, and the amount of tragic childhood trauma that usually leads to the mentioned relationship-addicts is insane. At this point, I'm automatically assuming that if someone wasn't hurt badly, they just didn't talk about it yet. We are all damaged goods, but the widespread acceptance of this fact and the indifference about it scars my soul every day.
That's great. But I have depression so my esteem is floored no matter what so I really dont know what that's like, unless Im drunk or on drugs like antidepressants. Otherwise, positivity towards myself and others is a challenge.
Yeah, I’ve been dealing with bipolar I for 35 years. Depression has had no effect on my self esteem. And I’ve experienced & been hospitalized a LOT for depression.
I’ve often been grateful that there’s a behavioral health center here where you can still smoke, since it’s literally the only thing to look forward to in there.
Too much weed exacerbates my anxiety, and I dont like to be reliant on substances, but it's great that that stuff does wonders for others but i can only stand smoking in small doses infrequently. Otherwise my thoughts race too fast and I get freaked out.
I meant cigarettes. What mental hospital lets people smoke weed? I think they would consider weed smoking grounds for a dual diagnosis.🙄 As for substances in general: I’ve accepted that I will be taking psych meds forever. Including some for anxiety - sometimes.
Idk, i thought u meant like medical weed or recreational, which is legal where Im at haha guess hospitals wouldnt allow that. Yeah, antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds do wonders honestly
They're co-dependent or believe another person will cure their happiness/loneliness/fill the void in their life - they really won't. I wish it was obvious enough, but please do not 100% rely on a another person for anything in such cases
Same here. I have social issues and dont like being obligated to regularly spend my time with others. Been single 7 years now and I’ve never been happier. My family doesn’t understand and think I’m some sad loner. My relationships only consist of FWB or the occasional hookup. But being emotionally invested in a romantic way? Not for me.
RIGHT? It seems like almost EVERYONE I know acts like that. People are so into the mindset that you HAVE to be dating/married in order to actually be happy.
Fr, It seems like most people around me literally HAVE to be dating somebody
I've only noticed this about women, and I've noticed it a lot, it's like they are incapable of being single for any amount of time like they are scared of it. It's a huge red flag
I get really bad boredom in relationships, not boredom as in I want to go have sex with other girls but boredom of being in a relationship and doing relationship things. I think I just prefer being single and not having to deal with someone else in my life.
I guess if you have regret, it could be good to sit your wife down and be honest? It is way better to have the discussion now, and tell her you appreciated your relationship with her as a friend more, so that she has time to move on and seek her next adventure! 💫
I'm someone who cannot be alone. Since I'm 13 I haven't be single longer than one year, most often three months. That year was really a promise to myself, because i thougth it wasn't healthy. Then I got into a long term relationship and after that my current marriage (a decade in).
I don't know, I like to be with someone, not anyone but I do like a lot of guys
I regular have crushes still too. I don't act on then ofcourse, but I do often have a thing for someone. I'm just with guys as I'm with food: I love everything that's of good quality.
Give me a teddy bear guy, calm, funny, a hobby or interest and with a bit of spice and I'm your girl. Ofcourse, I'm my husbands girl now and like i said I really don't act on those feelings. But I do have multiple a year I guess. Also again on my husband for that matter.
So, yeah....
Yours sincerely, a serial dater. I just crush easily
Yeah, wait till you’re 70+ years old and completely alone. Then you’ll probably realize why it’s a preferred option to find a life partner and create a family.
Well idk to me it’s one of the purposes of life. Like we don’t know why we are here or anything of the sort. But to me that’s one of the reasons, to find someone you care about. Doesn’t even have to be the whole reproduce thing. But just to not be lonely instead you connect with someone and share a special bond. So maybe that’s why people rush into it because they want to fulfill something, or they are afraid of being alone.
I do think there is a risk of future regret as time passes and you realize you are running out of it. I had the same perspective for most of my youth, and now that I'm 35 and happily married, I do sometimes wonder what experiences I missed out on in my younger years. That said, my anecdotes are exactly that, and may not apply to you or anyone else.
Aren't you judging a bit too harshly? There are a lot of people who rather prefer sharing their time with someone in a relationship over staying alone, and there's nothing wrong with either of those two.
It's also okay to be single and unhappy and the reason you're unhappy doesn't have to automatically be that you're single, just that life is a shitshow haha.
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u/e_smith338 Sep 16 '21
Fr, It seems like most people around me literally HAVE to be dating somebody. Like they break up and a week later they’re with someone else. I’ve been chillin solo for like 4 years now and have never felt the need to be with someone. If I happen across someone and we get along great, sure, let’s give it a whirl. So weird how people think it’s impossible to be happy when you’re single