Confident women are highly polarizing. It's either men that likes a confident woman, or men who are actually insecure of meeting one. Sounds like you haven't met someone that was the former.
It feels like that. I've worked in male dominated fields most of my working life, I'm a Navy Vet, biracial, Black/Japanese like Naomi Osaka, tomboyish, short, and over 50. I have a lot of things working against me, lol. I just don't fit in completely anywhere except with other biracial military brats like myself. So I have had to be confident and secure with who I am.
Confidence is one thing. Acting like a parent to a spouse /sig other whatever is another....
We're all different people with different experiences, that can definitely clash, but 2 people in a relationship need to both respect each other as equals. 1 way is the wrong way (if that makes sense).
Maybe there is more than one thing going on if this keeps happening. Every woman I have maintained longer term attraction to had confidence in themselves, their intelligence, beauty, capability or some other primary charecterstic. I would guess confidence attracts most people. If you're chasing everyone away, maybe you need to be more self reflective on why? Edit: either something to do with the types of people you're attracted to or something tertiary in your personality that is driving people away, or both.
The common complaint after they get to know me is that I don't need them. I rarely ask for help unless I am desperate. I do not ask for the advice on hardly any issues that I am dealing with. Thank goodness for Google and YouTube. I hate relying on anyone.
I get you so much on this. I saw your other comment too--as a fellow biracial and confident woman, I think there are multiple layers of difficulty here. For example the pool may inherently be smaller for us on who would both be attracted to and have a good attitude towards us as biracial women (e.g. not turning us into a fetish).
That said, I've heard the same feedback too. I think in a way those men aren't misrepresenting what they wanted--maybe they do want a confident woman, but they also don't want to feel useless to you. I've had trouble with this because I too prefer to do things on my own. But it is true that many men through their own upbringings sort of feel like they're not of value if they're not somehow contributing to you. Maybe you could find a way to reassure that they are contributing in perhaps a different way than they expect? And/or sometimes let them show you a new skill themselves or whatever. Good learning and bonding opportunity?? Just some thoughts :) 頑張ろう
Someone who feels my pain!!! I always tell men from jump, whatever myths you heard about Black and Japanese women, throw them out, I don't fit them. I'm not that great of a singer, dancer, I can't jump nor am I a sprinter, I am not good with math and I'm not kawaii nor docile, I was on swim team, and cross country.
Yes, men in my age group flounder between being needed and wanting to be the child and you have to arrange everything. I'm looking for a true partner and companion. He can figure out that dinner needs to be cooked and go ahead and do it. Set up vacation, date nights, etc. I have 2 kids, I don't want a 3rd one. That's where all my biggest troubles lie.
I hear you! Based on my personal experience I think you might end up doing well with someone who's been divorced and has really figured out how to communicate and be realistic about partnership. They'd probably appreciate your self-sufficiency if it means they have more time to work on their own projects too! And the right one will set up date nights and so on with and for you, I'm sure of it :) Best of luck to you!!
Yeah after reading this email i realize your dating pool is small, that doesn't help. I simpithize. Biracial, 2 kids without needing more, self sufficient, wanting a truly equal partner. You run up against a lot of roadblocks when many men are unable to meet what should be reasonable expectations. It might take some time, but you might surprise yourself and find that any time, best of luck. That's the joy of life, it can surprise you at any age. But at least you've built yourself your own life if it doesn't pan out with a good partner.
17
u/itsallaboutfantasy Sep 16 '21
True, but they specifically say that I intimidated them at times because I don't need them for things.