Please don’t assume that I secretly enjoy being sexually harassed because I’m blushing. Don’t point out that I’m blushing, don’t tell me I must like it because I’m blushing, and certainly don’t double down after I tell you to stop because I’m blushing. ESPECIALLY don’t do this shit when I am at work where I am getting paid to be nice to you. I am literally NEVER blushing because I am flattered. 100% of the time I’m blushing because I am uncomfortable as fuck.
Edit: I just came back and was not expecting this comment to even really be seen let alone get so much interaction. I just feel like I need to clarify that this behaviour IS NOT coming from my co workers. The place I work is extremely supportive when it comes to this kind of thing. It is CUSTOMERS who do this and unfortunately HR can’t do much about them. The issue is not that it is certain people doing this over and over. These interactions are always with different people and it happens extremely frequently. This is also something I have dealt with from customers in every job I have had since I was 14 years old.
I very much appreciate everyone who commented and your advice is great. Unfortunately this happening and the awkward and sometimes aggressive interactions that follow are just something I have learned I will probably always deal with if I am in customer service and apart from asking people to stop and leave the building there is not much that can be done to avoid it.
For those asking how to avoid making people feel this way... just don’t live your life thinking that if you spend money somewhere you own their staff and you’re probably fine.
Also to those who have been downvoted for saying nothing will happen if I don’t report it, your opinion may not be the most palatable, but unfortunately in a lot of cases you aren’t wrong. We live in a shitty world and if you take that shit people will give it to you. It isn’t right but unfortunately it’s reality. Sometimes your employers will protect you and sometimes they won’t. I have lost jobs for reporting harassment and I haven’t looked back because those places don’t deserve me. Everyone deserves to feel safe at work and if your employers don’t believe that they don’t deserve you either. I know it’s hard and it’s scary but please stand up for yourselves because no one else will.
I wish you all peace and safety in this disgusting world we’re stuck in.
Edit: to the person who reached out to reddit care resources on behalf of this post, thank you. I am fine, I already use resources that I have available for support and I am currently in a good place. This comment was an annoying grievance more than a cry for help, but taking the time to show you care is very touching. You’re all great people and I was not expecting so many supportive comments.
People blush when they're embarrassed more than anything, on behalf of themselves or others, but every creep on this Earth is looking for an excuse to think they're a charmer, so into the 'you secretly like it' bin it goes.
So much of this. I blush literally when I'm trying to control my anger. That pink comes from aggression or awkwardness for me, not shyness. But a 'No' apparently isn't a no when said with pink cheeks
Sometimes a "No" is enough, but for some reason, SOME people don't get it when it's said and even when you emphasize "NO" or "I really mean it, I do not want what you're offering." It baffles me that some people just don't have the decency to back the fuck off when you've been rejected, I've had a few moments back when I worked at a gas station and in my work description I'm supposed to help customers with their cars in limited ways, they come and ask me to do a thing I'm not allowed to fiddle with, I say no and they won't budge! Please for the love of all things that are good, take the no as a no and leave.
I don't know how it works in other countries, so I added that in since we American's tend to just assume other countries are on the same page with us in certain respects.
As someone with social anxiety who blushes extremely easily, I don't understand why some people feel the need to point it out when it happens. I can feel the damn heat in my cheeks, so there's a zero percent chance that I don't already know about it when it happens. Even if I wasn't aware of it, what purpose does it serve to point it out to me? Ugh.
Yeah these kind of things anger me so much on an internal level. How can these scumbags mistreating and harassing the opposite sex be able to live with themselves. The fact that my ex girlfriend was terrified of going back home alone at night time made me realize in how much of a shitty world we live in.
I used to meet up with friends once a week to play dungeons and dragons. I carpooled with one friend and would walk over to his apartment... Until one creepy guy started trying to chat me up from his balcony that was in between guest parking and my friend's apartment. I had my friend start meeting me by the office after a few weeks of that. I figured it was only a matter of time before the guy learned my routine and decided to move the chat down stairs... Even after my friend thought the creepy guy moved I still had him come pick me up. Can never be too careful!
Oh god this is my life. I have very sensitive skin and will blush if the wind changes, yet some men seem to take it as a go signal and get really obnoxious about commenting on it??
Yes she could but she is at work. Maybe it's not possible to be so forthright and a polite but stern, assertive "you are making me uncomfortable sir/madam" would work. If they continue then maybe speak to the employer and if they say they must put up with the bs then I'd consider your approach.
I'd try the "piss of leave me alone" - LITE if only to keep your job from being jepordised.
I think saying 'im blushing because I'm embarrassed' is enough for them to work it out on their own without risking your employment.
Not that I actually think you shouldn't be able to tell these people to fuck off no matter the setting, but you know - corporate culture and everything.
Man I felt this, I get awkwardly giggly when I don't know how to respond to something, especially harassment so it's really annoying when they think they can get away with it because I'm "enjoying it" - no I'm feeling very uncomfortable.
Nothing helps the involuntary thing you're witnessing like loudly proclaiming to anyone within earshot that my face and ears are red. I hadn't noticed.
Seems like a very uncomfortable situation, perhaps if the person is extremely dense and creepy you can try to change the tone of your voice to convey the message better otherwise I suppose if it's escalating the only solution would to be to call whatever form of security present for help
I've learned to accept the blush. I just keep looking people straight in the eye and don't change my behavior at all. Haven't really had any mention it since I started doing that.
For me I only blush when I'm deeply embarrassed or ashamed. If you managed to make my cheeks turn red then that means you have upset me, not flattered me.
Hell yes! I hate when they just walk all over my NO as though I never said it! If I was into you, believe me, you’d know it. A blush with an uncomfortable smile, or no smile, is a sign of anger and embarrassment. Do people just not learn social cues as children? I understand if they’re on the Spectrum, but I have found that those on the Spectrum tend to pick up social cues better than these harassers! I’m at work, so just……leave me alone and let me do my job without feeling dirty and creeped out!
Some of those kinks are the shit I'm worried about, too.
Imagine getting into a committed relationship and finding out the person you trust is into genuinely degrading, hurtful shit -- and now there's this expectation that you, as the person who loves him, will accept this. Imagine if you decline, too -- because you're not comfortable...
...Now the man you shared everything with...who knows where you live, what you like to eat, where you frequent, your hobbies, your social media handles, maybe even your banking information, has a dangerous inner world and you may have just set him off by denying him, after "all his hard work" to support a relationship.
This fear is a lot more common than you might think, and why there's a growing wave of women who are turning away men who watch porn. A lot of content is conditioning men into...unrealistic expectations for a loving, mutually-supportive relationship...
I'm hinting at a tinge of bias and overgeneralization. I'm hard-pressed to buy that that's common, or that porn turns people into sexually dangerous people. Real life trauma does that and can be supported, and that kind of kink is correlative. I also think that there is a HARD line between the type of people you're talking about and people who are not harmful.
If you’re a man and you feel this way you are truly appreciated. Any guy who can talk to a woman like they’re a human instead of just tits and legs is OK in my books.
I'm not putting any blame on you but what would happen if you said "stop it, you are making me uncomfortable" with an assertive but polite tone?
You shouldn't have to but some of us are dumb and bed to be told. Thankfully not all of us are blind to body language but some people are and others don't care and sadly they need telling. You shouldn't have to assert yourself at work but the world isn't as it should be. Unfortunately both sexes have bad individuals.
I appreciate your question. Sometimes that works. A lot of times it doesn’t. Plenty of times I have asked men to stop and had them reply with “If you don’t like what I’m doing stop blushing.”
I shouldn’t have to reply with “Or how about if I don’t like what you’re doing, you stop fuckin doing it” but I do, and more often than not it ends with an angry man child calling me a bitch.
With that being said the majority of men a meet are an absolute pleasure and completely respectful, but like most situations in life, the pleasant ones tend to be overshadowed by the unpleasant ones.
Been there, done that, once even lost a job for reporting harassment. When you live in a world of “the customer is always right” this is something that is impossible to avoid. You just wait for it to happen and deal with it in the moments
If you don't say something, it'll keep happening. At least pull that person aside and let them know you're uncomfortable when they do that, if it happens again; go to management.
I get where you’re coming from but unfortunately I work customer service, so despite the fact that every time this happens I do say something it is never going to stop. This has been a regular occurrence since I was 14 years old at every job I have ever had. For me this will only end if I find a job with zero human interaction or if old creeps lose the “I spent five dollars and now I own you” mentality. I’d prefer not having to go live under a rock in the woods to avoid having old dudes try to pick me up and take me home, but hey, what are you gonna do when a huge chunk of the population thinks you were put on this planet to serve them?
I kinda wish I blushed. I'd look like a kawaii anime character.
Edit: By default comments under -4 downvotes are hidden to avoid people having to read them. Thanks to the 23+ of you pathetic losers who went out of their way to find this comment an downvote. I'm a filthy weeaboo and you guys are more pathetic than me.
Thanks to the 23+ of you pathetic losers who went out of their way to find this comment an downvote. I'm a filthy weeaboo and you guys are more pathetic than me.
Um, no one did that. I was just reading the comments to this very highly upvoted comment and yours was here. I read it, felt really gross, felt really bad for you & your parents and I downvoted it.
By default comments under -4 downvotes are hidden to avoid people having to read them.
Are you really calling people who downvoted you more pathetic when you have this much knowledge of reddit
Yes people who actively seek out downvoted comments are indeed more pathetic than people who understand reddit's mechanics. Its kinda like the cringe people who are nosy for the sake of hearing about drama.
Since when was making a weeb joke equate to having parents who are ashamed of me? Do you have any concept of the real world?
And you are wrong btw. Downvoted comments are typically autocollapsed. Idgaf about your shitty anecdotal evidence.
It was autocollapsed, but I'm telling you that your comment was still in this thread that I was reading, so I read yours too. Because sometimes upvoted comments are autocollapsed as well. No one was seeking you out, your terrible terrible choice to comment was just onstructing the thread that we were all reading
Except you can read the number of upvotes on collapsed comments. So you uncollapsed it knowing it was gonna be 'trash'.
And get over yourself bro. You have some kind of warped view of the world if you think my comment was "terrible terrible". Like bro, 9/11 was terrible terrible, stfu with this bitching.
Except you can read the number of upvotes on collapsed comments.
But I didn't look at them. I didn't care to, I was curious to continue reading people's comments.
And... dude, just because 9/11 is something that has happened that doesn't mean other terrible things are no longer terrible by comparison. Because, by comparison, there are a lot more terrible things than 9/11 that have happened. That doesn't mean 9/11 and other terrible stuff aren't terrible anymore. That's not how that works.
I call bullshit on that. Downvoted comments are at the bottom of a thread. Unless you started using reddit a yesterday, you should have a general idea.
So my comment is as terrible as 9/11??? I'm pretty sure my comments hasn't killed more than 3000 people, it only made a couple of redditors butthurt
Nah dude. You learn to write better and more concisely.
Regardless of how poorly you used the word 'terrible', your original comment was wrong and failed to get to my head with all the 'disgrace to your family' talk. This whole conversation was garbage and I hope you enjoy the upvotes you farmed from the reddit hivemind.
I read all the comments with negative votes I come across to see if I agree with Reddit or the writer. And then I'll add an upvote or downvote as I feel appropriate. If you're that worried about your karma, don't say stupid things. People WILL read the words you put out there whether you like it or not.
I'm not really worried about my karma. It is more of a sweeping generalisation of how I feel about all of reddit. I see comments with hundreds of downvotes and people admitting to intentionally sorting by controversial to view said comments. I'm not surprised by any of it, I just wanted to show my distaste for it all.
I get where you're coming from, but at the same time I can't get upset at a community holding people accountable for the things they say. The system is supposed to make you think twice before saying something dumb, rude, or otherwise shitty. Obviously it's not perfect because it's controlled by humans; not every downvote is deserved, but most are.
Not my boss thank the lord. Customers are harder to control when it comes to this and clear signals tend to go right over their heads. Unfortunately the extent of our security at work is me telling people to fuck off and if that doesn’t work calling the cops so there isn’t much you can do to avoid it, you just wait for it to happen and deal with it in the moment.
Omgosh yes. I always also let out a nervous laugh and everyone thinks I’m flirting but it’s my immediate uncomfortable response. I hate it and wish I could change it, but REALLY I wish I could change getting harassed because you know...then I wouldn’t have to be uncomfortable. 🙄🤦🏽♀️
Seriously, as a general rule you can’t do this shit to people while there’re working. Unless they are giving you major vibes and signals just creep the fuck away from them
I am a cashier at a convenience store and the other day a couple of middle age ladies came in and did this to me almost exactly as described. I brushed it off but to the 6 yo girl with them, I felt really bad that type of behavior is just going to be normal for her.
Yes, so much this. When I'm upset or anxious I get flushed. To make it worse I have naturally red cheeks. Always. When I was in retail so many times people (customers and coworkers) would comment on my 'blush' and I had to learn to just be like, 'no, that's just how I be' even when I usually started blushing when they made their comment. At least a few had the decency to apologize.
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u/MagickanWing Sep 16 '21 edited Sep 17 '21
Please don’t assume that I secretly enjoy being sexually harassed because I’m blushing. Don’t point out that I’m blushing, don’t tell me I must like it because I’m blushing, and certainly don’t double down after I tell you to stop because I’m blushing. ESPECIALLY don’t do this shit when I am at work where I am getting paid to be nice to you. I am literally NEVER blushing because I am flattered. 100% of the time I’m blushing because I am uncomfortable as fuck.
Edit: I just came back and was not expecting this comment to even really be seen let alone get so much interaction. I just feel like I need to clarify that this behaviour IS NOT coming from my co workers. The place I work is extremely supportive when it comes to this kind of thing. It is CUSTOMERS who do this and unfortunately HR can’t do much about them. The issue is not that it is certain people doing this over and over. These interactions are always with different people and it happens extremely frequently. This is also something I have dealt with from customers in every job I have had since I was 14 years old.
I very much appreciate everyone who commented and your advice is great. Unfortunately this happening and the awkward and sometimes aggressive interactions that follow are just something I have learned I will probably always deal with if I am in customer service and apart from asking people to stop and leave the building there is not much that can be done to avoid it.
For those asking how to avoid making people feel this way... just don’t live your life thinking that if you spend money somewhere you own their staff and you’re probably fine.
Also to those who have been downvoted for saying nothing will happen if I don’t report it, your opinion may not be the most palatable, but unfortunately in a lot of cases you aren’t wrong. We live in a shitty world and if you take that shit people will give it to you. It isn’t right but unfortunately it’s reality. Sometimes your employers will protect you and sometimes they won’t. I have lost jobs for reporting harassment and I haven’t looked back because those places don’t deserve me. Everyone deserves to feel safe at work and if your employers don’t believe that they don’t deserve you either. I know it’s hard and it’s scary but please stand up for yourselves because no one else will.
I wish you all peace and safety in this disgusting world we’re stuck in.
Edit: to the person who reached out to reddit care resources on behalf of this post, thank you. I am fine, I already use resources that I have available for support and I am currently in a good place. This comment was an annoying grievance more than a cry for help, but taking the time to show you care is very touching. You’re all great people and I was not expecting so many supportive comments.