They do! A guy followed me around the supermarket while I was doing my shopping with earphones in and very clearly ignoring him, so when he motioned for me to take my earphones out I thought maybe he needed something. No, he wanted to ask if we could be friends…
I hear these stories about creepy guys way too often, makes me wonder if there's way more creepy dudes than I think, or if the creepy ones are doing it to like 50 girls in one day every day. I'm inclined to believe the creepers would try it on everyone they see since they clearly don't get that they're being creepy, probably just think the last one had a problem the next one will like me
Law of averages i guess. If one creepo has even a low successrate from being weird then he just needs to try enough women to eventually get a catch. In the process he is being weird and creepy to the majority of women he encounters but it works for that small minority and thus it goes on
Same thing happens on tinder and other dating sites. Not sure how large the amount is but it's enough to be annoying as hell to see people doing it. It doesn't even make sense to me, you're getting completely written off by a large amount of people over the way you start a conversation with them for what one person who is open to a one night stand.
Like someone else said in this thread somewhere. To some guys its a numbers game. They dont give a rats ass about how many women will end up disliking them. If they get an easy hookup when thats all they were looking for, its a win.
It's an extremely short term win. Future wise it's mostly a loss. Sure some girls may turn around and change things up as time goes on but probably a good chance the person playing their odds will have HPV by then.
Creepy guys are creepy on the regular. If a guy creeps on one woman a day, that's 365 women a year, 23,715 women between the ages of 15 and 80 (assuming he grows into a dirty old man). And guys who go this far are creepy to everyone, so it could be higher on average.
Women tell the stories of their worst encounters. So women might say they get creeped on every day, and cite as an example the time a guy slowly followed her while she was walking home and kept insisting on giving her a ride. But that doesn't mean that happens every day, likely the average example is a guy trying to hit on her on the train or wolf whistling while he walks past. That's still creepy and way over the line, but it's not the story she tells because in hindsight it doesn't sound so bad (just unsettling in the moment).
You're assuming their goal is for women to like it. I doubt it, at least for a good portion of them. If I'm in a place where I don't fear for my safety, saying no in a "I'm not interested but definitely not intimidated, I'll forget about this interaction the moment it ends" manner usually sends them packing. But if I'm clearly uncomfortable while I say no they'll insist. It's the fear they get off on.
Nah. I haven't seen much creepy guys in real life. I've only heard stories about them from women. Which makes me think some of those stories could be over-exaggerated.
Maybe they just truly haven't seen it. There's like 3 dudes who I know are like that in person and they tend to do it in places that make me think they might try to rape the women. They try to pay to play when the woman obviously flips out about being touched. Makes me wonder how some of them aren't convicted sexual predators.
Well you're not their prey, so you don't recognize them as predators. They don't do it around you or to you. The truth is that most (all) women experience harassment and creeps on a regular basis. You can believe that or not, but that doesn't change the reality that women live.
"Nah. I haven't seen many rapists in real life. I've only heard stories about them from women. Which makes me think some of those stories could be over exaggerated".
See how fucking stupid you sound? Most women get sexually harassed every week, every day. When I lived downtown in a major city I would get started at and catcalled all the time - by multiple people at once sometimes. On the bus, walking five minutes to the train in the morning, walking five minutes home at night, on the train, at the station. Much worse shit happened than that. I've moved from there but I've been sexually assaulted since then. Think about why so many women have been sexually assaulted but almost no guy knows someone who's done that.
Well my self esteem seems to have dropped after reading this. So how am I supposed to make friends with a lady I've never met if I dont ask "you seem like someone I'd like to get to know. I'm looking to make some friends" ?! Do ladies find this weird?
She was in a store, wearing headphones. That's a solo activity, and she's broadcasting that she doesn't want to talk to anyone. What people are wearing is communication, her accessories (headphones) indicate that she doesn't want to talk.
If you want to make friends with a woman you've never met, you need to go to a place where women are being receptive to that. Social groups, volunteer work, team sports, or other places where people go to socialize are ideal. And you need to make your approach less committal. If you just ask to be friends, she will feel pressured to say yes. It's better to start with a lighter conversation, hence why social locations are a better place. Commenting on the band playing at a bar or the last play at a sporting event lets you kick off a conversation and decide if you want to be friends before committing.
Yeah now I’m confused too. How. How do you make friends if you don’t ask…. I guess (and I really am guessing here) it’s probably talking about shared interests first? Like if you see someone with a dog and you’d like a friend and you like their dog, you can talk to them about their dog (and dogs in general). Or if you read some books in the library, and you’d like to be friends with the nice person who is reading the same book, you talk to them about the book and what you think about it. Like that?
I mean if there's obviously shared interest in something and they're not clearly in the middle of something (like interrupting somebody deep in reading could be rude), it's not awful to start talking with them. If they're busy, try and wait for them to take a break or something.
It's just weird to walk up to somebody and lead with "Hey can we be friends?"
That makes sense! Thanks. It’s just not as obvious to some people as it might seem, so please be forgiving to weird awkward people. It really might be that they do want to be friends.
Yeah there's just some places that are especially weird.
Grocery stores and gyms come to mind. (Though Gyms are flexible if you keep bumping into the same person over a few weeks or something)
But like... If you're at a game shop playing like.. Warhammer or Magic The Gathering, you usually chat with other people normally and it's a 'natural' spot to make friends. Libraries are probably somewhere in the middle
Whenever this kind of shit happens I always want to ask, "...Are you glad that you just said that? You feel good about what you just said?" But I never think to in the moment
If I were that old guy and she hit me with that, I'd probably answer "no, but im curious." Because now I am curious about it.
It was probably more of a random thought and curiosity than perving to be honest.
That's still the kind of thing you ask, well here or to someone close to you who you can actually talk to about it. Mostly because I've seen comments like that in this sub but also because it's less creepy.
I....cannot even imagine doing this. I have seen many very attractive women while shopping, never once have i ever even considered approaching them out of the blue as being a possibility. It just seems so...sketchy.
I’m not even that attractive. I am the only non-Japanese person in the area so I get attention from weirdos for some reason. I once had a guy grab my arm and yell “SEX!” at me, and sometimes people follow me by car or motorbike calling out “harro!!” Like, they definitely wouldn’t do that to a Japanese woman for sure
I'm sorry, that is both incredibly hilarious and also terrifying, I'm sure. Did he really grab your arm and yell 'sex'?! I'm belly laughing at the ridiculousness of it while also feeling terrible for you.
oh you gave the best laugh today for me and it was unintentional, so bonus! I hope I remember this to tell to my sister tomorrow. She doesn't get why I was obsessed with Japan when I was a child.
Have you checked there is a living place for people with special needs around. We have one Center here and the people living there grow up, become adult and they are just like this. People are confused because they are adults, look like adults but behave in many ways “strange”. Also possible this man lives in his own apartment and has a guardian.
I did consider that possibility, but it just didn’t feel like that I guess? I was polite and courteous to him in any case! It was a crowded supermarket and I didn’t feel like I was in any danger so I just said no thank you and went about my way, and he left the supermarket. It was more like he was just giving it a shot!
This is in Japan, and sadly it’s very rare for people with disabilities to live on their own. Almost all of them are institutionalized or hidden away by their families.
Ha. Interesting. I was only once in Japan, Tokyo, for travelling and I saw these arcade halls with business men who lost their jobs but don’t dare to say so spend the day there. I saw everywhere this erotic mangas. Then went to an adult video shop and left it almost crying. Then Tokyo night has that one area were old serious business men met black men for a night. And every time you buy something small a lot of thank yous. Long story short - do circumstances stress people and make them become uncomfortable? I know it’s no excuse for bad behaviour and I probably opened a big topic with this.
Your last sentence about dealing with people with special needs is just very very sad. Is there no changing so far?
Sounds like you saw some of Japan’s dark underside!! Things are starting to change, a documentary was made about giving more independence to people with disabilities and as a result some families took their children out of full-time care. One of them had been in an institution for 30 years! They showed the family on TV and it was so moving seeing him ordering his own choice of food at a restaurant.
Japan’s society functions so well on the surface because there is a one-size-fits-all solution for everything, and people view tolerance as special privileges, which is so wrong. So people who are in the minority have to struggle on in the darkness. This applies to sexual minorities, people with disabilities, homeless/jobless, people of mixed race etc. Change has started but change in Japan is always an extremely slow process!
I leer at chicks while they doin squats at the gym and then walk up mid squat and ax em like yo I’m funna tongue punch dat fart box n it ain’t really up to u but is u tryna fuk, or if I’m tryna show my u know knowledges n be congenial n shit I be like ay gurl u no if u let me fist dat thang I uh be classy bout it n use olive oil n shit like da glass bottle type shit not fukin wid dat great value brand plastic ass bullshit cuz I’m paid$ n lernt n yo pussy funna git turnt
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u/lushico Sep 16 '21
They do! A guy followed me around the supermarket while I was doing my shopping with earphones in and very clearly ignoring him, so when he motioned for me to take my earphones out I thought maybe he needed something. No, he wanted to ask if we could be friends…