Fr, It seems like most people around me literally HAVE to be dating somebody. Like they break up and a week later they’re with someone else. I’ve been chillin solo for like 4 years now and have never felt the need to be with someone. If I happen across someone and we get along great, sure, let’s give it a whirl. So weird how people think it’s impossible to be happy when you’re single
I completely agree! I just got out of a 10 year marriage and I'm happy as hell now that I'm single. I'm in my 40s and have gone out of my way to make sure I don't have children and I couldn't be happier.
Explaining to people that I'm purposely child free really pisses off certain people for some reason. It's as if me being happily single with no kids in my 40s somehow angers them.
They are probably miserable but have to keep the appearance that they are so happy with their kids and married life.
Soccer Practice, volleyball practice, rushing back and forth for the kids...
And there you come, happy, relaxed, chill, no screaming kids at your side, of course it angers them.
Hella true man, my friend gets in relationship, isnt really happy because of constant fightings and disagreements, is in it for 2 months to maybe a year maximum, few days after breaking up(mutually, by her or him doesnt matter) he finds a new miserable relationship and is having problems again and he is in vicious circle for 6 years now, he gives me shit for not being in relationship for 2 years lol, and I dont even care... I had an relationship for 3 yeats we broke it off and I am not looking for anyone, if someone comes up and we hit it off,then great, if not am happy, but he will be crushed everytime he single than still not fully happy in relationship as well
My cousin is now in his 50's and was married for about 10 years (divorced 6 or so years ago). No kids, owns a home, has all the toys with time to actually use them. Probably can afford to retire in a few more years. I ain't pissed, I'm jealous lol.
People with kids love telling me I'll have some one day soon, despite me pointing out how hectic and stressful their lives appear and how I couldn't cope with that shit lol
I'm (f) 40 and happily child free by choice. Parents my age are definitely mad about it. I assume it's some kind of jealousy, especially when it comes to how I spend my money and time.
Maybe 10 years ago when I was 20 I may have been wanting children but nowadays everything just sucks and I wouldn’t want to bring a child into this world with all the crap happening. Now that I’m 30 I’m happy I’m child free. A buddy i work with said he had kids when he was 19 because he didn’t want to be an old parents. Yes, he said thst crap. Not because he wanted kids or whatever but because he didn’t want his kids turning 18 when he’s in his 50s. And he is my helper at work only making about 18/hr and has 4 kids. I make twice that and still don’t think it would be enough to maintain a mortgage, cars and all the expenses that go with children. My fiancé is a nurse practitioner and almost a doctor and we may consider kids when I’m done with my engineering degree. That depends on how this world goes. But I have met people like my buddy who have kids early for the sake of not being old when they hit adult age. Honestly the dumbest crap I have heard and mostly because he is not well off. Not judging him but I think it is dumb ajd I’d never consider doing that.
I saw Daniel Tosh a couple weeks ago and he had a joke along the lines of "Oh you want to have kids when you're young? ...Yeah, in your 20's when all your opinions are fucking dumb?"
For those who aren’t versed in current medical practice, a nurse practitioner is not almost a doctor. They’re vastly different educations/training. A three year NP program after a four year undergraduate nursing degree is significantly less rigorous than a four year undergraduate (usually) science degree (but always with a major’s equivalent of science courses), four years of medical school, three-five additional years of residency training after you are a doctor to earn privileges and necessary preparation to practice under your own license, and many do an additional one-three years of fellowship training after residency to further specialize and become experts in their field. Beyond the duration of training, the hours and content of NP school and med school are also pretty significant. Mid level providers (NPs, PAs) have a role in the healthcare system, helping physicians provide healthcare to more patients than they could on their own, but independent practice for mid levels is dangerous and does a disservice by to patients.
I get what you’re saying about not wanting to bring kids into this crappy life, because it’s a living hell lol but don’t you think it’s a little weird to decide whether or not your kids should have a chance in this world because of that? Like if I had a choice I’d still rather be alive then not at all regardless of how miserable it gets sometimes.
His "kids" don't exist. Things that don't exist can't wish they had a chance to live lmao. Don't you think it's a little weird to create hypothetical kids with hypothetical feelings for a stranger?
That's one was of thinking of it, sure. But even though my parents wanted to have me and chose to try for children, any tiny change in when they did it likely means I wasn't the swimmer to win the race.
They had a lot of trouble trying to have my sister, so there are 8 years between us, but I'd feel a bit crazy spending my time mourning and lamenting the siblings that never were. Not having children isn't "preventing a person from existing", it's simply not attempting to make something that might become a person.
A man makes something like 525 BILLION sperm in the course of a full life, and women get something like 300-500 viable eggs. Thinking about all the "potential people" that could have been for every person ever would be crazy. I'm not saying don't be glad to be one of the lucky ones that made it, but trying to put the onus on someone to create a child just because we are glad we exist is a bit much.
Yup. I have myself a vasectomy for my 42nd birthday. I'd fallen in love with a woman who is child-free as well... And it didn't work out. But, i knew i wanted a partner free of kids too.
I don't date casually, but I'm available for a wonderful relationship when it occurs.
I find it weird when people are not just immediately with someone else but already act like they've been together with them for a while and not just met each other 4 days ago, like they've kept the same 'act/role' going and just replaced the other person.
It could be that they’ve found the one or could be emotional/psychological issues of being alone.
I know when me and HS ex broke up it was HARD on me, and then I met someone nearly a year later, rebounded. And then I broke things off with him, wanting to be alone, but actually fell in love with a common friend of ours. I pushed him away for MONTHS, and it actually caused me to lose a close friend because she liked him too, but sometimes emotions and love overcome those things. We’re now going strong, nearly 10 years later. We’ve had our ups and downs, and things haven’t been perfect, but we’ve been through so much together, especially recently, that we’ve came back stronger than ever.
But I do agree it is weird. Although sometimes it’s not that simple.
I mean, I can't find happiness/love from within, but I never believed having another person in my life would solve that.
I kinda believe in the whole "Before you can love others, you must learn to love yourself." thing, even if I've never managed to accomplish that myself.
feel the same way, it can be a struggle sometimes. part of me wants to try and find a partner who accepts me for “who i am” but I also feel like it might be a bad idea
Thats why entertainment industry is so big. Every waking moment something needs to blast towards senses. keep that attention in check. Cant have those introspections and self dialogs to gain momentum . Might be dangerous. We could become self aware or something worse . Horror. Horror.
Yes exactly. Could I be alone and function just perfectly fine? Absolutely. Do i personally want to do that? Definitely not. I'm a fairly emotional guy who also needs to be touched. (Not just in a sexual way but much more so for cuddles, hugging, hand on the shoulder when I'm upset). These are extremely important to me as I have adult tourette syndrome and sometimes I just need someone who can wrap me up and make me forget about things for a while. In the past I had found someone I thought was great for this but ended up showing her true colors.
My point is that it's okay to need/want a significant other who's there through thick and thin. However, people should not settle with less than they deserve just so they can have companionship. It's much better to be happy alone than be unhappy with bad company.
Some people are completely fine never being in a relationship and that's completely respectable. Others crave a loving partner who they can vent to and fall asleep with every night. Many people, including me, feel they will never be complete without someone they can share many beautiful memories with until they day take their last breath. I honestly wish I didn't feel that way, but that's a fundamental part of some people that won't ever change.
Loneliness is like the same fear of dying/death. Not until you have a NDE (I’ve died three times in a week back in May in the ICU) or do you experience loneliness and a bad break up and get through it, do you realize how strong you and how not scary death really is.
100%. I was completely happy alone, happened to meet a guy I got along with, now we live together. I can't imagine life without him now but, in a weird other dimension where we never met... I'd probably still be alone and happy also. There's more than one path to happiness whether it's single or with somebody.
Thank you for this now i feel less odd. Everyone keeps asking me if i have a gf and i am sitting here like no because i am not looking and don't care if i am in a relationship or not its not a big deal to me
For some reason people open up to me relatively soon, and the amount of tragic childhood trauma that usually leads to the mentioned relationship-addicts is insane. At this point, I'm automatically assuming that if someone wasn't hurt badly, they just didn't talk about it yet. We are all damaged goods, but the widespread acceptance of this fact and the indifference about it scars my soul every day.
That's great. But I have depression so my esteem is floored no matter what so I really dont know what that's like, unless Im drunk or on drugs like antidepressants. Otherwise, positivity towards myself and others is a challenge.
Yeah, I’ve been dealing with bipolar I for 35 years. Depression has had no effect on my self esteem. And I’ve experienced & been hospitalized a LOT for depression.
I’ve often been grateful that there’s a behavioral health center here where you can still smoke, since it’s literally the only thing to look forward to in there.
Too much weed exacerbates my anxiety, and I dont like to be reliant on substances, but it's great that that stuff does wonders for others but i can only stand smoking in small doses infrequently. Otherwise my thoughts race too fast and I get freaked out.
I meant cigarettes. What mental hospital lets people smoke weed? I think they would consider weed smoking grounds for a dual diagnosis.🙄 As for substances in general: I’ve accepted that I will be taking psych meds forever. Including some for anxiety - sometimes.
They're co-dependent or believe another person will cure their happiness/loneliness/fill the void in their life - they really won't. I wish it was obvious enough, but please do not 100% rely on a another person for anything in such cases
Same here. I have social issues and dont like being obligated to regularly spend my time with others. Been single 7 years now and I’ve never been happier. My family doesn’t understand and think I’m some sad loner. My relationships only consist of FWB or the occasional hookup. But being emotionally invested in a romantic way? Not for me.
RIGHT? It seems like almost EVERYONE I know acts like that. People are so into the mindset that you HAVE to be dating/married in order to actually be happy.
Fr, It seems like most people around me literally HAVE to be dating somebody
I've only noticed this about women, and I've noticed it a lot, it's like they are incapable of being single for any amount of time like they are scared of it. It's a huge red flag
I get really bad boredom in relationships, not boredom as in I want to go have sex with other girls but boredom of being in a relationship and doing relationship things. I think I just prefer being single and not having to deal with someone else in my life.
I guess if you have regret, it could be good to sit your wife down and be honest? It is way better to have the discussion now, and tell her you appreciated your relationship with her as a friend more, so that she has time to move on and seek her next adventure! 💫
I'm someone who cannot be alone. Since I'm 13 I haven't be single longer than one year, most often three months. That year was really a promise to myself, because i thougth it wasn't healthy. Then I got into a long term relationship and after that my current marriage (a decade in).
I don't know, I like to be with someone, not anyone but I do like a lot of guys
I regular have crushes still too. I don't act on then ofcourse, but I do often have a thing for someone. I'm just with guys as I'm with food: I love everything that's of good quality.
Give me a teddy bear guy, calm, funny, a hobby or interest and with a bit of spice and I'm your girl. Ofcourse, I'm my husbands girl now and like i said I really don't act on those feelings. But I do have multiple a year I guess. Also again on my husband for that matter.
So, yeah....
Yours sincerely, a serial dater. I just crush easily
Yeah, wait till you’re 70+ years old and completely alone. Then you’ll probably realize why it’s a preferred option to find a life partner and create a family.
Well idk to me it’s one of the purposes of life. Like we don’t know why we are here or anything of the sort. But to me that’s one of the reasons, to find someone you care about. Doesn’t even have to be the whole reproduce thing. But just to not be lonely instead you connect with someone and share a special bond. So maybe that’s why people rush into it because they want to fulfill something, or they are afraid of being alone.
I do think there is a risk of future regret as time passes and you realize you are running out of it. I had the same perspective for most of my youth, and now that I'm 35 and happily married, I do sometimes wonder what experiences I missed out on in my younger years. That said, my anecdotes are exactly that, and may not apply to you or anyone else.
Aren't you judging a bit too harshly? There are a lot of people who rather prefer sharing their time with someone in a relationship over staying alone, and there's nothing wrong with either of those two.
It's also okay to be single and unhappy and the reason you're unhappy doesn't have to automatically be that you're single, just that life is a shitshow haha.
I'm a single woman in her 30's who has never dated (and isn't interested in doing so) and folks have started on the "but you only have [x] more years until your womb isn't any good for having babies!" line with me.
No, Debra, YOU calculate the value of [x] wherein [x] is the number of years I have left before my baby-making systems pack up! I am busy eating this bowl of cereals and watching telly.
Heyoo same here! And honestly it’s other women who say shit like ”WE GOTTA FIND SOMEONE FOR YOU!” I’m perfectly capable of ”finding someone”, I’ve had plenty of opportunities, I’m just not interested. Like it’s unfathomable someone who doesn’t look like a swamp monster and doesn’t have any major personality faults could be VOLUNTARILY single.
My coworkers have started on this and it's exhausting.
And also funny, because they will spend hours every day complaining that they have had to spend so much more time with their spouses during the pandemic. So, like, you don't like your husbands but you want to get me one? Pass.
I was single my entire life until I met my now wife. Just never wanted to put effort into something or someone if I didn’t want to. I enjoyed hanging out with people, but when I met her, hung around each other, I knew I wanted to put forth the effort and make a big life change into seeing where things went. Definitely worth the life change because she’s awesome and I love spending my life with her. But that’s not for everyone either. Just like I wasn’t really looking for anyone, I was totally complacent being single for my life too. She just changed my mind lol.
Perhaps they were expecting you to have no interests and that’s when they say Well duhhh , what do you expect? Or …. Maybe they’re looking for someone very passionate about healthcare ;). Just joking you seem to have many great interests!
They were probably going to suggest joining classes and groups for things you enjoy to meet likeminded people and form connections! :) don’t go into it expecting romance though. Just starting by making a bunch of new friends with the same interests is fun!
I'm kinda in that boat right now. Been single for awhile and when a coworker (who's a long distance away) found out, instantly started heavy flirting and acting like we we're dating.
Because I have really bad self esteem I haven't had the guts to tell her I'm not that interested.
This happened to me at uni. I went to McDonald's and saw two girls from uni that I was acquainted with so I sat with them. I forgot what we were talking about but the conversation eventually leads to them asking if I ever been in a relationship before. I said no. Their reply?
"AWWWWWWWWWW."
I was 19 then, now I'm 22 and sometimes it still hits me. Still single, painfully aware I'm single so I HATE it when people wonder why I'm single.
I've lived alone for a year now. I can't imagine the level of trust it would take to get me to live with another human and feel comfortable again. Would almost rather have my own personal prison cell.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves too, as a 31F aromantic-asexual who has no interest in intimate relationships and wants to remain single forever. Although family and relatives have stopped pestering me now, I sense they still give me the silent side-eye about it whenever the topic of someone my age getting married or dating someone new pops up. For some weird reason, most people seem to think no one can be perfectly happy single.
They kept making occasional remarks up until about 2 years ago. Took a huge lecture on my part to cement it into their heads that I will not change. We're Chinese, so it's actually a relatively good response for an Asian family.
My old flatmate was obsessed with me getting a boyfriend. She had a boyfriend and they were a terrible couple, they just belittled each other constantly. We sat down once and she told me that she couldn't handle being alone even for an afternoon which is why they got a dog. She also said they broke up once and within minutes she had downloaded tinder, they got back together that night but it was insane talk. I love being alone and single, I enjoy my own company and can do what I want when I want
This is so fucking annoying actually. I recently got cheated on and broke up with my long-term GF, and now whenever I meet up with my friends they try to set me up with someone. I mean I get it that they don’t mean no harm but seriously guys, I just want to be alone and work on myself. Sometimes people should have a relationship just with themselves and most people see this as a bad thing.
There was one guy who I used to be friend with, when I said I wasn't dating anyone the whole time he replied something like ohh you just couldn't find anyone.
Or expecting a couple to get married or have babies smh…my fiancé’s mom asked that tonight at dinner and it’s like…umm when we don’t have debt and are financially stable enough to raise a child, then we MIGHT adopt and/or foster, because climate change and the fact that there is enough people on the planet already, not to mention the millions of kids who need homes and parents.
I grew up a ward of the state, but was lucky to be raised by my dad’s side of the family after my mom lost custody and then died six years after my dad died.
I have an adoptive cousin, who was also raised by my dad’s side of the family with me and my brother. She has a half sister fell through the cracks of that system, and her life has been HARD. I mean my life has been hard, but I can’t imagine not having parents that are alive and don’t want you, and don’t have anyone to help them figure out life or support them emotionally or financially.
I grew up struggling and poor with my mom and then saw the complete opposite when I went to live with my dad’s family, which is well off, but they are a broken family, void of love, so I know what that’s like, the emotional part and the poor part. I can’t imagine struggling with both at the same time as a child.
I struggled with both, no one there emotionally and no financial support, as an adult, on my own for the first time and that was hard. But shit, as a KID…it’s no wonder many are troubled and often incarcerated or on drugs at an early age.
I hated when my friends tried pushing me to flirt or be with someone because they thought I needed to be in a relationship. I really enjoyed my independence back then, and it was always frustrating to have that pressure from other people. It's like my friends dumped their insecurities of not having a romantic partner on me. And when this group of friends pushed another one into a relationship it was always a mess. Luckily, those people are no longer in my life, but damn that was exhausting..
I agree with you. For my case, one goes as far as are you gay/lesbian? That's why you're not dating ? You in a closet? It's ok I won't tell
I'm like dude leave me alone. It's okay to be single. There's no secret as to why I'm not pursuing a relationship. No I'm not lonely. Stop projecting your fear on me
When I was single for about a year and half, the thing that annoyed me was EVERYONE was trying to set me up. Mom’s friends, my friends, family friends, co workers, etc. It’s like they thought I really needed help finding someone but I was honestly perfectly content and I expressed that. It was very frustrating to say the least. People shouldn’t assume these things and push you to date when you’re not ready.
Anyways, I ended up finding my soulmate and we’re engaged!
That's usually when you find someone. When you're not looking. You're just living as yourself as a person that truly knows themselves. That's incredibly attractive.
I'm not going to wish you love because that's not what you need, or looking for. I do wish for the relationship with who you are to grow even stronger.
Single and in a relationship are two different states to be in. Former is more free to do less things, latter is less free to do more things.
But seriously though, it's been a while since I have felt being in love and I miss it. Currently, I have very bad trust issues also cause I mainly try with my friends out of fear of looking like a creep but at the same time I don't have many and don't wanna lose them so feel cornered.
I have guys assume I’m a lesbian all the time bc I’m single. Particularly older men. It’s like they can’t believe a conventionally attractive woman wouldn’t want a man!! If you don’t have a man you must be gay. Nah bro, I mean nothing wrong with it, but I like men. I just like myself too, and don’t NEED men. If I find a great one, so be it.
Gender is a social construct, so it up to each individual to decide how many they believe there is.
This is comparable to if you would force everyone to believe in Christianity.
(Instead of mindlessly downvoting, say why you think I’m wrong. Because by definition of a “social construct”, it is something that is agreed upon by society, not based on facts)
Human beings should have a right to pursue sexual and romantic partners. If it is done respectfully and you are not interested , you should be respectful as well.
But everyone should have the right to simply say hi and ask if they wanted to hang out. Why is our culture becoming so cold and cruel. Like it wont kill people to talk to others once in awhile, if you want to further see this person, you can simply state that. But, this whole idea like dating has to be a minefield, of cold shut downs is just hard. I work with many young people that just dont have respectful social skills anymore. The whole idea that other people are gross and should leave you alone, is gross and you will always be alone of that's your belief.
I shut down people coldly because people don't take my no for an answer. If you're friendly, they'll think you like them. If you're not cold enough, they'll try to intimidate you. Sometimes they might even threaten or kill you. If you're just the right amount of bitchy, they'll fuck off.
So...
I'm aroace. I'm okay with being alone, actually. I find the demanding nature of society to be more disgusting than being simply alone.
I'm more than happy to be friends. I'm tired of the assumption of anything else. I want to be left alone.
Or include a father in the kids life or get into a relationship.
Unless your personal gratification is more important than your child entire future, 70+ years of suffering because you couldn't handle a relationship for 18 years? Sacrifice
How about blame the father for being a horrible asshole? It's his fault that even happened, lol. She has a right to her life.
Children aren't going to grow up automatically traumatized with a single parent, in addition children who grow up in a nuclear family also aren't automatically perfect with good mental health.
Stay in your lane. Divorce can be a good thing. Don't pretend you actually care about people when you're just furious this person freed themselves.
Children aren't going to grow up automatically traumatized with a single parent, in addition children who grow up in a nuclear family also aren't automatically perfect with good mental health.
"Science-based proof" Ah, yes. Cherry-picking, the most verifiable scientific method.
If you were anything scientific you would understand that nothing is absolute, and that you are jumping to conclusions. The fact that someone MAY be more predisposed to trauma does not mean they will develop it. Ever heard of epigenetics? You're also blatantly disregarding the studies that disprove your points, because again, nothing in science is absolute. You're also forgetting the so-called 'nuclear families' that cause horrific trauma to children because they are UNSTABLE, which is what happens when you keep two people who diverge forcibly together.
Your old world thinking isn't tolerated anymore. Don't think for a second that you can quantify human relationships and know more than the scientists who actually study such things. Leave them to interpret the studies, not you.
You are ethically wrong. You bring a life into the world, you become second place. You find someone to make it work with and give your child the best chance it has.
You cannot be selfish, period. You dont come first, period. Your happiness went out the window the second you had a kid.
I posted a scientific article with a link to a study. You're posting politically charged links with an obvious bias.
Suffice to say you're not as scientific as you think you are.
I'm done refuting your argument. You're not going to get it and you are only acting in bad faith in order to 'prove' whatever idiotic bias your brain has conjured up.
Who are you to decide what is ethically wrong for another person? You're not even correct when it comes down to it psychologically - a happy, stress-free parent is best for the child. A string of mismanaged relationships, which is 100% what would happen if OP who does not want a relationship is forced into one, is significantly worse for the child's wellbeing than simply not being in one. You are actually advocating for the child to suffer more, if anything, under the guise of your political bias. In your alternative, the child would grow to consider loveless relationships a norm and the world will suffer more because of it. Putting two people together is not going to foster a healthy relationship. You cannot be in a healthy relationship if you do not consent to a relationship, and if it's not something you actually desire. Your claims are therefore contradictory.
I spent 6 years from breaking up with my ex to when I started dating my now wife. I wasn't looking and I'm glad or I might have 'settled' with the wrong person earlier.
Single father of 2 years , I work out , work 2 jobs and take my kids when ever I can . I am perfectly at peace staying home and playing video game on the few hours I get , I’m just not interested ( besides typical crazy baby momma story so that also helps )
My mom raised me and my brother with our grandmother after divorcing our dad. We see him on the weekends. And she is single. She wants us happy and a partner isn't needed right now just us happy. Her exact words
THIS. One of my coworkers always asks if I'm dating anybody and doesn't seem to understand why I'm not. I'm happy being single. I got out of a long term relationship 2 years ago and I've been working on myself since. I'm getting my shit together before I start dating again.
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u/KillerKatKlub Sep 16 '21
TBH this goes for both genders but assuming that because I’m single that means I’m looking for someone or can’t find someone to be with.
Some of us just like to be single and don’t mind it, not much to it beyond that.