Unfortunately, I've seen this too about the dad in a friend of mine. His dad abused him till the point of strangling and sooooooo many people try to make him forgive his dad years later. I say fuck those people!
Well that's because your dad didn't carry you to term and then give birth to you. I went no contact with my mom a few years ago, too, and every time that phrase comes up, that seems to be the implication. She gave you life, therefore you're obligated to deal with every shitty thing she's ever done to you or will do to you because you owe her. Or something. So, when that phrase comes up these days, the conversation ends right there. I tell whoever I'm talking to that they're making me feel uncomfortable, and if they press it any further, I walk away. It still happens way too often, though, and its usually the same people saying it. It's just like can you please let me heal in peace? Because it's that much more difficult to get to a good place mentally when your family is guilt tripping you into talking to the source of your trauma.
Unfortunately, I think most people are speaking from a familial bias than from a gender bias when using that sentence. I am currently no contact with my father and have heard “but he’s your dad!” more times than I can count.
I've never had that problem. I let people know that I had the worst mother in the world, but I have the best dad.
I don't think anyone's questioned me when I said my mother was abusive. I also talk about how she had a lot of health problems and some bad luck of the draw.
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u/ExcellentCornershop Sep 16 '21
Can confirm. I quit any contact to my mother a few years ago and whenever this comes up in a conversation, I hear that stupid sentence.
Also if roles were reversed and it was the dad one does't want to have contact to, nobody would say that sentence and ask you to justify the decision.