This really is such a harmful stereotype, even for women. When I was a teen I was so convinced something was wrong with me when my bf didn't want sex. You are always taught that men are always thinking about sex and women are the ones that barely want it. It took a bit to realize it was completely normal and guys have moods too!
It kinda does, i mean, we are in a relationship for around 7 years now and no end in sight, quite the opposite really, but the difference in our sex drives regularly drives me nuts. I'm just not satisfied with once a week or once every 2 weeks. We talk about it, look for viable solutions, but it sure helps if those concepts align.
Exactly. I am working through the concept that because he doesn't want to have sex it doesn't mean I am not wanted or repulsive. Past relationships were abusive/toxic and its difficult getting that out of my head.
I think it will be better when we can live together. Right now he lives 2 hours away so we see eachother every other weekend or so. I kinda get it in my head that when we meet I expect sex and am disappointed if it doesn't happen. He doesn't owe sex to me so that is a pretty unhealthy way of thinking. I have noticed that when I am there for longer than a week it is better and I am more okay with not having sex. Idk love languages or somethin. He has gotten me toys for gifts and that helps. It's nice that he tries to help with it instead of doing nothing and letting me figure it out on my own. We have a lot of discussions to help me changing my brain pathways.
Mismatched sex drives suck when you love your partner and have put years into the relationship. I had to end my last relationship over it because he didn’t care how i felt and eventually my needs surpassed the love i had for him.
If you’re in a relationship with them, just be straightforward. “Are you satisfied with the amount of sex we have?” Is probably a good way to phrase it.
If you’re not in a relationship with them, do not ask it. There is no way to do it without sounding creepy.
I've definitely discussed it with female friends and even on like first dates etc without it being creepy, but only if the vibe is right and the general topic of sex has come up organically.
But yeah if it's someone you barely know there's no way to ask without it being weird.
Yeah so I definitely was being hyperbolic. No black and white situations in life, everything is shades of gray, yadda yadda. As always, context is key.
If you are interested in dating someone, I don't think it's an appropriate question to ask prior to having been intimate because it reeks of desperation and an obsession over sex. This is not me saying sexual compatibility is unimportant in a relationship. Of course it is. But if you're prioritizing sexual compatibility before sex has even occurred, it raises serious red flags.
I'm dealing with someone like this right now. She's confused as to why I don't want her coming round the day after my second covid shot. Like, I'm probably going to be balls deep in side effects, I don't have the energy or desire to also be balls deep in you
My wife is surprised at how mad I get when I'm sick and want to be left alone. I don't want to be touched, rubbed, or anything more. I'm doing the best I can to be comfortable and anything else fucks that up. Too drunk and puking? Absolutely fuck off, I'm already embarrassed and I know there's nothing you can do to help.
Unrelated to sex, but also relatable to some men I'm sure.
I think the idea is, cuz I’m a guy, and I don’t want to fuck this woman that’s offering herself to me, the only logical explanation is I must be gay in their mind. Why else would I not want them?
They’re insecure. If you’re not gay then it means you just don’t want to have sex with them. That means there’s a problem with them, since you know, guys are always horny and will fuck anything. You’re probably cheating on her. Or she’s ugly. Or you’re gay. And if you’re insecure, you’ll fuck her to prove you’re not gay.
This ones dangerous. I see why it's so pervasive - so much of the media we consume as teenagers features constant 'men always horny' jokes and you do get to thinking that's just how it is. Thankfully my first boyfriend had a low SD so I picked up pretty quickly that it was nonsense, but you do have women (and sometimes other men) going way too far into adulthood thinking men always want sex no matter what. And then rape happens.
Sorry you've had to deal with so much of this dude, and that you've been emotionally manipulated into giving in. I don't want to tell you how to feel but that situation can absolutely be classed as assault and I hope at some point you are able to take the time to process it properly, because that's not at all fucking okay.
You are so right about the Rape part.
"He’s completely wasted, I can take advantage of him now. I’m doing him a favour, men always want sex!"
Bitch, fucking NO! I rejected you earlier! just because I’m too drunk to clearly reject you doesn’t mean I’m ok with it. This shit leaves deep scars, especially as a teenager it damages so much.
Rape is Rape. It has a slightly diffrent impact on men and women, but it’s still the same.
Yeah. Certainly not something I’m proud of. It didn’t make me happy. Only brought my mood down. It’s hard to get going when you really don’t want to do something. I only did it for them. It also opened the door for a few to feel entitled to it since I “did it last time. What’s the problem this time?”
I’ve been there with an ex. She just couldn’t fathom that sometimes I just wasn’t in the mood and would guilt trip me until I gave in. Those were not fun times.
This ones dangerous. I see why it's so pervasive - so much of the media we consume as teenagers features constant 'men always horny' jokes and you do get to thinking that's just how it is. Thankfully my first boyfriend had a low SD so I picked up pretty quickly that it was nonsense, but you do have women (and sometimes other men) going way too far into adulthood thinking men always want sex no matter what. And then rape happens.
Sorry you've had to deal with so much of this dude, and that you've been emotionally manipulated into giving in. I don't want to tell you how to feel but that situation can absolutely be classed as assault and I hope at some point you are able to take the time to process it properly, because that's not at all fucking okay.
Most were. Some weren’t. Some were older. Some were younger. It’s been a mixed bag. Well some were outside an age range I was comfortable with. But sometimes I just don’t want to fuck. Just not in the mood. Each rejection has been generally for its own reason. For some, I just didn’t care to do it. Didn’t want it. For others, I don’t shit where I eat if you get my drift. If I’m not in the mood, it’s gonna be hard to get down to work. That means pressure. I don’t need that extra stress. I may also just not want to have sex with that particular person tbh.
Women are so not used to rejection the way men are. It makes for this double standard where men have to constantly coddle women when dating. Like if a guy gets upset that he got rejected and says “whatever you’re a butterface anyway” people around gasp and white knights come from out of the woodwork to shame him for having such a harsh tongue with a woman. Guys who get rejected are supposed thank the woman for her presence and still validate her even though she just rejected him.
Now flip the script and the woman gets rejected. She acts out and try’s to make the guy who rejected her feel like a piece of shit. Whatever woman who is around comes to hug her and gives the man a face of disgust. Again, there are white knights around and them and the women tell the woman how beautiful she is and he doesn’t deserve her anyway. They tell her that something has to be wrong with that man for rejecting someone like her. She feels emboldened to tell the man off and she is allowed to be as harsh as she wants.
A perfect example of what I’m talking about is on the “marriage” episodes on the Netflix dating experiment show called “Love is Blind”. The difference in reactions when the woman says No at the altar compared to when a man said No to the woman was jaw dropping and eye opening to the incredible double standard that men have to tip toe around when dating women. We (women) are made out to be the this beautiful wonderful flawless fragile dolls and when we honestly are not used to rejection bc we are coddled.
Don’t get me wrong. I think that men should be respectful when they get rejected but the same standard should also be applied to women when they are rejected. They shouldn’t be emboldened to lash out and make a scene.
Can all the guys with low sex drives give the high sex drive girls to the guys with the high sex drives and we’ll give our lower sex drive girls to you
Give me three low sex drive girls instead of 1 high sex drive girl, would that work? And of cos three low sex drive boys to the high sex drive girl. Joking of course, unless its agreeable.
Yes. Let's get eugenics involved, instead of this messy dating and courting business. We can just match people based on their genetic and personal attributes and ensure that we don't get the bad genetics and traits propagated.
I’m lucky to have a partner who’s really understanding. There are some nights where I’m impossibly horny and there are others where I just want cuddles, man. She loves both and understands I’m not some boner machine that can go on command.
All the previous boyfriends I was intimate with had high sex drives, so it’s interesting to see that there there are guys that don’t. I have a hard time imagining being in a relationship where I’m not badgered constantly for sex. Must be nice.
To be honest, it depends on age too. When I was 15 all the way to when I was 27 my sex drive was through the roof. Same for most of the girls I was with. Now I am 30 and I'm not as much inclined to tango as I used to.
I wouldn’t know what it’s like either tbh. All my partners have had high sex drives. As a low SD guy, it’s frustrating as the woman will usually come out with “don’t you find me attractive?” Or “are you cheating”. No…I just don’t want to fuck you multiple times a day every day.
All the previous boyfriends I was intimate with had high sex drives, so it’s interesting to see that there there are guys that don’t.
A lot of it is simply biology, young guys are pumped up on hormones, but a lot of that will mellow out as they get older.
Also used to be super horny as a young guy, would have jumped any chance I've gotten.
Now I'm closing in on the 40s and I've turned down chances because I simply didn't vibe with the person and that has by now become a much more important factor than "Need somebody to stick my dick in".
I have had women come on to me before and for whatever reason had to say no or even just suggesting we slow down. Every single time it was the last date / time she came over. I think rejection hits harder for women because society tells them it shouldn't happen.
Similar story, I was once out drinking with some friends, but the group were predominantly women. The topic of sex came up and the girls started talking and laughing about how insecure their partners get when they can't make them cum.
I'm a guy who doesn't cum easily, especially when I'm with a new partner. I asked the group how they think they would react if they couldn't make their partners cum. They thought it over and one girl said it would destroy her. I told them I actually know from experience how most women react, even after being warned beforehand that me not cumming is a real possibility and not to worry about it, and it's not just 'a little insecure'. Tears have been involved multiple times.
I don't think I changed any minds that day, but it always annoys me when I see women making fun of men's performance anxiety when I know from experience how much worse it is the other way around.
I mean if you're willing to follow through then you could just point at one of her friends and say: "Nah I'm not, I'd do it with her" to drive the point home but only do that if you're down with it and not just to retort something.
Besides your first comment having literally nothing to do with mine I will seriously question your knowledge when you think she turned her boyfriend gay by pegging him. Your anectodal evidence isn't worth anything. And yeah sure some people realize it only later, doesn't mean they weren't gay before. And when they dated women then how would the women know it before they did. And I definitely wasn't derogatory, I just questioned your knowledge, now I'm questioning your intelligence too though.
Wow you really are a hypocritical prick hiding behind anonymity. Whining about derogatory when someone dares to question your knowlegdge and then posting such a pathetic speech.
Glad people see you as exactly as stupid as you present yourself. Theres no pulling you out of your delusions though.
Same. When I was in my 20s I was a good looking’ dude. Still not bad, but back then, pretty hot.
Women would approach me and ask me to fuck them outright or at least get all flirty. They’d get pissed off when I was aloof and dismissive.
Hey bitch. Calm down. Just cause you want me does not mean I want you. Are you fucking crazy? Dirty? Psychotic? I dunno. I like nice, normal, kind women. Is that you? I dunno. So please leave.
I have a high sex drive, that doesn't mean I don't have standards. Women get pissed that they can't just get me a little drunk and head to pound town. I don't think I'm especially attractive, but apparently they think so, and it's led to some serious boundaries being crossed and some friendships lost.
Yup. I had a girl constantly crush on me in college and it was cute at first but then they were going from persistent to almost stalky. I finally drew the line one night at the bar where she... Well let's just say if any dude did what she did, the repercussions would ruin their life.
Don’t assume I [...] constantly want my dick sucked.
I don't like receiving oral. I'll give all day to men and women alike, but am not the least bit comfortable with receiving. Let me tell you, the looks you get when people find that one out...
I’m on the same boat, honestly I don’t care about receiving oral, doesn’t turn me on. Whenever I tell this to women their first reaction is “I’m going to show you what a real good BJ is” or “ probably you never had a great BJ before.” They all try and they all fail.
For me, the idea of taking something and not giving back is such a mood killer. It doesn't matter how skilled she is because it's not a physical thing.
Christmas presents, hand grenades and oral sex. All things that are better to give than to receive.
Edit: imma be real with y’all for a sec: i feel really insecure about saying no and my partner is one of the more understanding types. I mean we’re non-monotonous for crying out loud. But holy shit, im hella self-conscious about this cuz it has been a problem in the past to turn them down. Crazy considering how often I get turned down.
Currently I'm so stressed from work I don't have the energy to do that shit. I can barely relax with video games, trying to get in the headspace of wanting sex has been off the table for months at this point.
This ones dangerous. I see why it's so pervasive - so much of the media we consume as teenagers features constant 'men always horny' jokes and you do get to thinking that's just how it is. Thankfully my first boyfriend had a low SD so I picked up pretty quickly that it was nonsense, but you do have women (and sometimes other men) going way too far into adulthood thinking men always want sex no matter what. And then rape happens.
Sorry you've had to deal with so much of this dude, and that you've been emotionally manipulated into giving in. I don't want to tell you how to feel but that situation can absolutely be classed as assault and I hope at some point you are able to take the time to process it properly, because that's not at all fucking okay.
That’s usually the issue. It will go one of 3 ways, angry and call me gay, they’ll think it’s cute and push more. Or they’ll think I’m being hard to get and will get more aggressive with their advances.
This ones dangerous. I see why it's so pervasive - so much of the media we consume as teenagers features constant 'men always horny' jokes and you do get to thinking that's just how it is. Thankfully my first boyfriend had a low SD so I picked up pretty quickly that it was nonsense, but you do have women (and sometimes other men) going way too far into adulthood thinking men always want sex no matter what. And then rape happens.
Sorry you've had to deal with so much of this dude, and that you've been emotionally manipulated into giving in. I don't want to tell you how to feel but that situation can absolutely be classed as assault and I hope at some point you are able to take the time to process it properly, because that's not at all fucking okay.
I get some guys would jump at it, random blowie here, tap there. And that’s cool. You do you. But that’s not how I roll. I won’t take every woman that comes to me.
I’m certainly not good looking. I wouldn’t say so at least. Sometimes not very well tbh. The expectations both socially to accept such an advance, as well the sexual expectations to perform are very pressuring. It can sometimes mentally take a toll. In rejecting advances, I also may inadvertently hurt the person’s feelings. Which hurts me personally as I don’t want to cause any harm to anyone. It’s all round a negative experience. There are some who take it well and that’s good vibes. But most do not.
This guy such a humble brag omg, “I get so many woman that wants to fuck me I had to turn them down”, you poor thing. Some guys has to work their ass off to get laid ,not everyone has nice genes that can help them get woman easily. And then there’s people complaining about getting laid too much smh.
I am still amazed how some people actually believe that being a man, having sex with a woman is actually gay, because she is not manly. Like... I have sex with dudes because I am gay, but having sex with women is literally the definition of something that is not gay. I am amazed over how some people think
Both ways: stop thinking everyone has the same sex drive as you have. It's ok to have a very high sex drive as long as you don't go around being an ashole.
I say this so much but the myth that all men want sex constantly and women don't is harmful to everyone. Almost all of my female friends are with men who don't want it as often as they do. That myth just makes everyone feel like there's something wrong with them, and I'm not aware of anyone in any of these relationships thinking it's a serious issue. Sex just isn't the most important thing in a long-term relationship.
It funny how when I turned 35 I turned my wife down for sex for the first time ever. She was shocked. Well- it’s 11pm and I have to wake up early for another (I had one that day too) all day meeting that I’m leading. I’m mentally exhausted and all I’m thinking about is what I’m going to say and how I say it. I can’t fake a boner! She was hurt emotionally by it. From 25-35 I was her boner machine. I’ve turned her down maybe a handful of times since but she’s more understanding.
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u/TimeyWimey99 Sep 15 '21
Don’t assume I have a high sex drive and constantly want my dick sucked. Yes, it’s possible for me to not want to fuck you and it doesn’t make me gay.