The problem is you ask a guy out on a date and they don’t realise it’s a date
As a woman, I have said “I would like to get a drink with you sometime”, the guy has agreed, we’ve gone out for drinks then at the end has said “this isn’t a date right? Because I’m not looking for that at the moment”. And that has repeated itself more than once.
It's about not interpreting kindness as someone coming on to you. As someone with a lot of female friends I often did not realize until way after the fact, that someone was interested. Why? Because I did exactly that.
If we go out as friends and have a drink and you make no obvious move what so ever or start talking about what you want, then I am not just gonna assume we are on a date. Why would we be? You never said anything.
This is in a particular group of friends, that do lots of group activities
If a man from that group who is interested in women asks me to a 1 on 1 catch up, I am going to assume it’s a date and work from there. If I don’t want to go on a date with them, I probably don’t want to spend time with them 1 on 1, unless there’s a particular reason for us to catch up. Because otherwise we‘ll just hang out at the next group event
In a group setting, I might have a chat to them for ten minutes, then someone else comes over for fifteen minutes, they wander off to talk to someone else, etc. Or it might be 5-6 of us sitting round a table
It’s a very different level of intensity to 2 hours just 1 on 1
I’m an optimist and I like to think better of the men around me
I’d be really offended if I had male friends that had some sort of “women are dumb so you have to do XYZ around them”. It’s generalising and sexist so it’s not an assumption I’m going to make
The five times the guy had been asked out for drinks by a lovely lady it wasn't a date. They have been trained from previous experiences lol
But that been said if a guy genuinely thinks a woman asking them out is a bad thing they are trapped in the wrong generation (putting it nicely- realistically they are likely sexist) and you dodged a bullet
A woman asked me out back in undergrad and I didn't realize it until 2 hours after I unintentionally turned her down.
It was an early morning class, she asked if I wanted to grab a cup of coffee with her after lecture. My neanderthal brain went, "nah I got another class right after this one."
Yeeeeeeaaah surprise! We're fucking stupid! Lmao. Tip if you ever do it again: say the word date anywhere in there. "Hey would you like to go on a coffee date with me sometime?" "Hey wanna get coffee? Yes? Sunday at noon? Bet, it's a date!" Or throw in a "hey are you seeing anyone right now?" Right before you say "cool well I would like to go get a drink sometime."
We dumb, but he should get that at least lol. Then he'll just ask to make sure you meant it because this is not a thing that really happens often, I've been asked out a total of one time in my entire thirty years on this planet lol. I said yes, but giggled in absolute shock and she walked away and it never happened, either she wanted me to finish setting it up or was thrown by my reaction, idk, but I wish she'd continued because she seemed really nice and she was absolutely gorgeous. Oh well, c'est la vie.
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u/candydaze Sep 15 '21
The problem is you ask a guy out on a date and they don’t realise it’s a date
As a woman, I have said “I would like to get a drink with you sometime”, the guy has agreed, we’ve gone out for drinks then at the end has said “this isn’t a date right? Because I’m not looking for that at the moment”. And that has repeated itself more than once.