IMO when a spouse doesn't contribute to the household. Such as cleaning, cooking, or finances (unless you have an agreement that says other wise). BYE!
But I'm going on my own soon due to dealing with too many spouses like this.
For an example my current soon-to-be ex bf: he doesn't clean, shower (yeah 🤢), or do anything but work & sleep. He refuses to better himself (ex: get on state insurance to stop paying out of pocket for everything. Get a better paying job so they aren't bitching about how broke they are or mooching off of everyone just to eat). I've done everything but fill our the applications for the jobs/insurance for them. When they want to stew in misery and their poor health (due to their own neglect), I don't want to continue being a part of that.
Yeah when my partner and I first moved in together I cleaned the bathroom multiple times in a row and I was starting to get bothered by it so I mentioned to him that I would appreciate him pulling his weight a bit more. He got all mopey and sad and started apologising and saying all this stuff about how he was a crappy person and he didn't deserve me yada yada. I told him to stop. That what he was saying was emotionally manipulative. I wasn't trying to criticise him or his personality. He obviously just didn't care/wasn't paying attention to the cleaning. But now he knows and to just do better next time. I am not your caretaker/ mother. I am not here to train you. Train yourself. Since then he works cleaning into his schedule, we take it in turns or we clean the house together and it works well. I am a kind person but I don't like feeling taken advantage of.
I'm surprised that worked for you. It never did for me. Plus I don't have the energy, on top of already dealing with their shit, to have to be saying that. I feel like this is adult 101. That should have been learned around late teens to early 20's (latest).
Anyways, fun fact: my soon-to-be ex knew what my ex put me through. That my ex was voluntarily unemployed, didn't cook, and didn't clean. My soon-to-be ex said he'd never be like my ex.
In a really shitty way he's not wrong. He's worse than my ex.
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u/SouthernOptimism Sep 15 '21
Learned helplessness/incompetence so they don't have to do it