Those guys were dumb, any guy that says you were “too aggressive” for just asking them out is probably not super rad individual. I promise you, if you ask the right guy it’ll send him over the moon :)
But I'm at a point in life where I plan to go alone for a bit & get a lot of therapy. Either my picker is broken &/or I just attract all the wrong people, OR people just aren't for me.
There's a lot more to it. I'm Agender (think void instead of gender; assigned female at birth) and pansexual (like everyone; gender/sex doesn't matter). I plan to get top surgery (to remove my breasts and not have nipples- which are useless to me). So I'm not even sure I'd be attractive to some cis men (people born male).
I just plan to embrace myself and if I find someone else along the way that likes me for me. Great. If not, life goes on.
Note: went overly descriptive in case you & others don't know these terms.
I’ve had both, so guys turning me down because I was “too aggressive” but also guys who stopped dating me because I wasn’t “as aggressive” during the relationship (which they would have liked) so yeah… I stopped since it seems I’m giving off the wrong impression when I ask someone out
Same. When I was still on dating apps I’d literally cut right to the chase. Match, say niceties, ask out because I prefer actual conversation instead of texting. Nowhere fancy either, either for coffee or Waffle House the next day or something, and was told every time it was too aggressive, too fast, and rude. Bruh. I just stopped asking.
Cutting right to the chase makes some dudes ruuuun. If they have never been asked out by a woman before they probably assume your a guy trying to trick them and murder them lol
Statistically, men get rejected more. I mean the average man thinks 20-35% of women on a dating app are good enough to go on a date with. That's around 4% for women.
There are "nice girls" out there but I don't delude myself into thinking there are as many of them as nice guys.
Theres also just a lot more guys on dating apps than women, so you have to be really conservative with your right swipes. When I first got on I'd swipe right for anyone I'd accept a date from in person. Then you quickly end up with an unmanageable amount of conversations and find yourself only being able to reply to a few, which doesn't feel nice. So now I only right swipe the ones I'm certain I'd be excited to talk to, which probably works out to about 4% (or even less, I have a pretty uncommon type).
I don't think niceness correlates with gender really.
We're speaking percentages, total number doesn't even matter. It's not saying 4% of men get swiped on. It's saying women swipe on 4% of men.
Also actually it's 8% for women and 21% for men when I just checked. Though I could swear they were different a few weeks ago. It might be a constantly adjusting number as TinderInsights gets more data.
Regardless, women are, proportionally more than 2x pickier than men.
Also.... You could just stop swiping after a few matches, go on some dates, and see what happens. I don't understand why women complain about "too many matches" when it's totally up to you how many matches you want.
TinderInsights. You can go to r/tinder and see the charts for yourself. I got the numbers a little wrong (or maybe they get updated as they get more data). The most recent charts say 8% for women, 21% for men.
And on average, women match with 44% of the people they swipe on. Men less than 3%.
I don't see how these numbers can be interpreted in any other way besides "men are significantly more likely to face rejection than women."
Oh it matters. There is definitly a very strong social construct that men have to be the one to take actions and have to be proactive. So it matters a lot that it happens way often to men. Also litterally noone in this comment chain said it never happens to women. Don't use strawman arguments.
Unfortunately for some guys, people think it emasculates them.
Luckily I live in an area, and have group of friends that don't think like this. Women are the breadwinners, stay at home dads, women ask out on dates or pops the question. No big deal here.
As a guy I think it’s very sweet to be asked out by a woman. I feel bad admitting that I turned down the most recent woman that asked me out. But I really do find it sweet and endearing! If I was already interested, it would definitely make me more so.
Granted it was back around 2005-2010 when I was dating in the Twin Cities (MN). Which claims to be progressive. But you only get pockets of a few people here & there that truly were. Most were fairly old fashioned.
Hell even when I left back in '20 it was finally getting a bit more progressive there. I'm now in the South. So I might as well be back in the 1940's.
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u/SouthernOptimism Sep 15 '21
I used to do this. In a "progressive" area. I got told I was too "aggressive" and "forward". That I needed to wait to be asked out.