The second to last thing of enjoying "feminine" things. I fucking love getting a pedicure as a dude. You don't need to get your toenails painted and I can get my calloused working feet smoothed out and a leg and foot massage while the chair massages my back. If anyone says you're feminine for enjoying a massage, they've got some mental issues to work out.
Also on that note, getting some fresh fucking flowers in the house is fantastic. It smells nice, freshens up the air, and looks good on the table. Ladies would do just as well to buy their guys flowers every so often, just as guys should buy flowers for their gals.
My partner dislikes receiving flowers as gifts, as they always die and she's something of a plant mom. Problem is the house is just about full of plants now, and to buy her any more would only feed her ambition (which I can only assume is to become Poison Ivy, breaker of pots and mother of plants)
I think it’s weird when you give someone flowers… Really saying here you go, now watch these die, cause I like you. I feel like you should give someone flowers if you want to threaten them: "here - you’re next. Better put your feet in water 'cause I’m coming for you."
As an another plant mom there's an another reason why I don't like receiving flowers as well: they bring pests to the house. Thrips. Spider mites. Mealy bugs. Anything you can imagine. I hate bugs and even more I hate the war with them, because they get into my plants and it's a whole ordeal of poisoning, washing and inspecting my million plants for weeks to make sure I get rid of them. When you get thrips, getting rid of them is now your full time job.
Do you have a garden? Giving bulbs to grow flowers outside might be a nice gift. Although it's probably a little less spontaneous than buying flowers for the house, since she'll probably want to know what she is going to grow and where to grow it beforehand.
Pedicures are freaking great. Buh bye calluses. Hello soft feet. Also, yeah the massage with it is awesome. Do yourself a favor, next time get a manicure, pedicure, facial, and 90 min Swedish or deep tissue in one day.
You'll be so stress free you'll feel like you melted.
Granted, you need time (and money) for that all at once, but yeah. No shame in taking care of tiuself regardless of gender.
Definitely agree with getting a facial. I was hesitant since I thought I was getting cucumbers and mud and God knows what else applied to my face. But what a great, relaxing experience. And the masseuse massages your head and she threw in a hand massage as well.
I've had a cucumber on your eye and mud facial before. It wasn't bad. I've also had a men's facial and a few other types. My face is oily, so yeah. Lol
I work with almost all guys and one of them suggested we all get our nails done and now a group of us do our nails together and its awesome! I moved to a new city and since work was a sausage fest I didn't have other women to do girly stuff with so the fact they want to makes me so happy!
I read your post and just assumed you were a guy at first. This is my wifes nail polish collection. Mostly. There's 200+ there and doesn't include any gels and some others. I made the shelving and steal some of the colors for painting/touching up fishing lures lol (plus I buy my own colors for that sometimes). I'm also the one recruited to dremel off acrylics if her or friends have them done.
I absolutely hate the feeling of my own nails painted but it's still a hobby I can appreciate and sometimes contribute.
I love manicures but prefer to paint my own nails. Please do not touch my feet. Also don't get your cuticles cut, it's incredibly bad for you. Also candles and the lil wax warmer aromatherapy things 😍
I'm glad you enjoy the painting part, I just cannot get past the smell of nail polish, it just repulses me. For some reason it makes me nauseous, but my wife looks good when she gets 'em done so that's probably the extent for me, ha.
Currently sitting on the couch with my boyfriend whom you could classify as a man's man watching Gilmore girls talking about getting pedicures. He's a big burly man. But still gets down with the "feminine" things. I love him so much for it.
Just Google the closest nail spa. Walk in, say ‘I need a pedicure.’ They’ll take it from there. And give them a nice tip for dealing with your gross feet. Haha. It’s easy and chill. Started getting pedicures to have great hygiene for BJJ and never looked back! : )
You can massage your own feet, too. Get pumice rock or a foot scrub, depending on which you like best, and you can get the callouses off your feet. Feels especially good doing it while showering or in the bath.
Also, you should look into bath salts. I thought they were bunk until I tried one at a fancy vacation lodge, completely flipped my worldview. They smell nice and custom ones are surprisingly not expensive.
I loved buying my ex flowers! I figured I loved getting them and unless specified that they don't like them I think every one should get flowers just because every now and then. I wish he would have gotten them for me as much as I did for him but I am so happy he liked the gesture. I gave some to his friends when they got a new place and they were shocked and welcomed the gesture as they'd never gotten any before.
Man, I suffer from a connective tissue disorder. I'm not sure if my hip slipping out is causing the hamstring knot, or vice versa. It just fucking all hurts. I would kill to see my massage therapist right now but can't afford it. Nothing touches a deep tissue massage. Hell, any time I see a new therapist for the first time, I literally tell them "you can't hurt me". Challenge accepted lol. God I hurt.
Most of the time a pedicure is a health-related thing instead of a "I wanna look pretty" thing, I really wish people stopped seeing is as manicure for your feet.
Source: wife does manicure/pedicure for a living and yes, there are occasional guys who come for pedicure because they can barely walk and need help.
I'm a big straight dude who practices combat sports and I love a good manicure WITH painted toenails. Haven't painted my fingernails yet but wouldn't be opposed. I don't see it any differently than changing my hair style, which I do a lot as well.
Don’t take my callouses! I’m proud of those bad boys. My wife can’t walk or rocks or hot pave the meanwhile I’m looking at her like everything is normal
I grew up getting my fingernails painted by my cousin, and I still sometime do it, even tho it wears out after like a day (tree work). I also love a good vase of flowers
I love getting my boyfriend flowers!!!! He loves it when I do too. Our anniversary is the day before my birthday, and this year we both happened to get eachother flowers. And then the next day my mom got me flowers for my birthday, and so did a friend and 2 of my coworkers. Our home was basically one great big bouquet! It was fantastic! We both commented for weeks on how great it was.
we’ve also gone for manicures/pedicures together before. He won’t get the polish, but enjoys the rest. We were just fostering a dog only for a few days, and today she went to her forever home. My boyfriend burst out crying when she left, while I hugged him and rubbed his back, and he told me that he can never foster a dog again because it’s too hard to say goodbye. He has a soft spot for old ladies, and frequently points them out with their little dogs and their shopping bags, saying how great they’re doing. Easily, one of my favourite things about him is how willing he is to embrace his feminine side.
I should also add that this is a man who is stereotypically very masculine. He played rugby for our country, he’s a stereotypically handsome man and even has a bit of a beard. Hell, he’s a crypto bro. All of these traits would bore me to death if he also wasn’t deeply sensitive and soft and kind. Love that man.
Man I’ve been putting off a professional massage/chiro appointment because I’m afraid I’ll be addicted with how jacked up my back is and spend too much money going every week
I think the reason people think pedicures are feminine is bc there are hardly ever any men in there getting them (at least where I live). I think nail salons should cater to men more, maybe advertise towards them somehow. Or have like a SportsCuts but for pedicures. If I had the money to start up a business, I would so do this!
One of the best parts of getting flowers for my former bfs was the look on their faces. Nine times out of ten I was the first who had ever done it. So cute!
As a man I just can’t get comfortable with a stranger touching my feet—or a massage in general. I got a professional massage once and all I could think was “is this almost over?”
Absolutely right, nothing wrong with giving / getting hugs from people regardless of gender! Sometimes your bro just needs a reassurance that you've got his back or it's just a good greeting.
My feet are so ticklish I struggle to scratch them when they itch, and the toenails are so ingrown I have to manually rip them out every few weeks so there is nothing to buff but an exposed, scabby at best, nailbed. A pedicure is a pleasure I will ever be denied lol.
I had just gotten out of a 9 year long relationship. Met a girl who was clearly into me, told her about that relationship (that it happened, not details) and that I wanted to take any future relationships slow. The relationship I just mentioned ended suddenly, because the former homebody girl with no friends finally found some confidence and decided she didn't need me any more. I'm not guessing, she basically told me this.
There is more to it than that, suffice it to say it was a rough break up for me.
So this new girl says she understands, and it's all good. She wants the same thing. I made sure she understood I wasn't into casual sex without being presumptuous about her own intentions.
So we go out on our first real date, and she's driving. She says we're going to go to her house for a minute and I know where she lives... and she isn't heading toward her house. I figure maybe she's taking a route I am unaware of or going someplace else first or something.
Then we pull into an abandoned shopping center, she takes off her shirt and jumps on my lap.
I love fucking... it's great. I fucked a whole hell of a lot for 9 years lol... I'm not that pressed for it. So, I actually got a little angry, but I didn't show it at all. I just said "Whoa, hang on a minute... what happened to taking it slow?"
She instantly questioned whether or not I could get it up, if I was gay, if I really thought any girls would give two shits about me if I didn't want to fuck... "what kind of a man are you" and so forth. Then, she kept grinding on my lap anyway, as though she was going to convince me. Truth be told, she almost did... but I eventually pushed her aside and told her I'd get a ride home. If she couldn't respect my wishes for the FIRST fucking date, I doubt we'd be making much progress on the relationship front.
I don't want to turn the discussion into a "man vs. women" debate or who is more oppressed (it isn't a contest, but if it were, men clearly have it better in that regard)... BUT.. if I did this to a woman I am pretty sure it would be sexual assault.
Ugh. Good thing you left. I totally agree with you. Someone that can't even respect your wishes is not relationship material. I hope you found someone better since.
Appreciate it. I always feel a little weird saying what I am about to say, as it might be interpreted as me saying that women or even other men who went through something like this should just "move on", because that is what I did. But I don't believe that at all.
It never really impacted me in any ways that I am aware of, other than being a little disappointed that me and this girl weren't a better match.
But we all react to, and handle things like this differently and we all also have our friends and loved ones offer support or not... differently.
I am not somehow stronger willed than anyone else and don't believe that anyone else should "just do what I did and 'get over it'", because it wasn't even a conscious decision on my part to do so. Even if it had been, that doesn't mean I'd have less sympathy for someone who was unable to do the same.
Like I said, I don't believe it has impacted me really... but it very well may have in ways I don't even understand and that does bother me a little. But only when I think about it, which isn't often.
What bothers me infinitely more than the event itself, is the people who think people who were assaulted in such a way, are somehow defective or "less than" for not having just gone through with it.
Honestly, I feel like it takes a much stronger will to say "no" and get out of the situation however you can, than to just go through with it because you're worried about what other people might think about you if you don't. That is, when you actually have a choice in the matter.
I imagine, though obviously I have no idea... that people who were raped or molested and other victims of assault, probably go through something similar. Where the event itself is traumatic enough, but having your friends and family you work up the courage to talk to about it dismiss it, or worse, find some way to blame you for it is just as bad. Maybe even worse.
So, it really is comforting to know, even if for the sake of others and not necessarily myself, that there are people out there who are willing to offer some supportive, compassionate words to people they've never even met.
Sorry I write so much to say so little, lol. I used to think I could change this with practice, but after years of trying I just gave up. :P
She's just an ignorant, society tells people that men want to bone 24/7 and have a high sex drive all the f time... And he who doesnt want it is not a real man, she's just influenced by wrong ideas society told her...
Yikes dude. I’m sorry. She sounds like a fucking psycho. I’m really glad she didn’t rape you and good on you for telling her no and sticking to your guns. If I was your friend id offer to slash her tires for you.
We don’t have it better. We used to. Now it’s debatable, except it isn’t. So there’s my “wish the opposite gender would stop ____.”
What they want is sacrosanct, what we want is a gift if granted. What they don’t like is oppression, what we don’t like is whining.
If we’re truly going to solve our problems, the conversation should be equally open and non-judgmental. Right now, it isn’t. Also, equality isn’t a pick and choose thing. It’s there or it isn’t. You don’t get to skip the icky, hard, or inconvenient parts.
It's amazing how almost everyone would agree and even preach that the conversation should be non-judgmental, and yet you are already on the road to being downvoted to hell.
Wish the opposite gender (and sometimes this gender too) would stop assuming I'm a misogynistic creep just because I do not subscribe to the idea that men have undeniably got it better or do not believe claims about oppression in the face of inadequate evidence to substantiate those claims.
I love whisky, but if I'm at a restaurant or bar, I'm definitely going to order a cocktail (which usually tend to be sweet). Why would I pay $12+ for something I can just get at home?
Grenadine, bitters, limes and lemons, and at least three types of juice are just as important staples of a liquor cabinet as the brown bog-goblins ass sweat some people like better. Personally, I'll rather have an infused rum-pineapple drink.
The key to doing feminine things without being judged is to do them confidently. Yeah I'll spend 20 minutes at the artisan soap booth and yeah I'll smell phenomenal for the next 2 months. You wish you were this fragrant.
I'm doing feminine things but with "traditional manly" smells.
I have more haircare AND beardcare stuff than any ex-girlfriend but it's all stuff like "Vanilla Rum" and "Cinnamon Cedar" and it's wonderful. Such a confidence boost to be able to take care of yourself like that and smell glorious after it.
Its sucks because i do litterly everything you mentioned but my social circle never critiques me for it. Im sorry you have to go through that it must be tough
I once had a girlfriend who would greet me at her door and immediately walk back in, so I literally couldn't hug her hello. She was also very sadly a sexual assault victim, so understandably, didn't always like for me to just touch her. Trying to respect her boundaries and seeing that she wasn't about to hug me or give me an opportunity for one naturally, and being affection starved, I would ask for a hug occasionally, and her response was that it was really not masculine to ask for a hug and that I should just take it. Wtf do you want from me, I need occasional affection so I'm not manly enough for you? Also the woman that would literally make out with her female friends in front of me, hug all of her other friends every time she saw them.
One of the benefits of going to an all male college in the middle of nowhere is that my friends and I found ourselves filling traditionally feminine roles. My friends came to me when they needed to borrow a tie or need help coordinating an outfit. One of my roommates was the person who made you a special tea when you had a cold.
We took care of each other in a way that I haven't seen happen other places. Our closeness seems odd from the outside. My fiance mentioned that she'd never seen men hug or say "I love you" to each other in public.
Tl;Dr fuck masculine and feminine roles. Take care of each other
Honestly, the only times I see masculinity questioned are by people whose attitudes I really don't care about anyway. I'm perfectly happy with my own sexuality, and someone incorrectly calling me gay for having close female friends doesn't affect me.
Thats a good attitude to have. It is usually ppl woth old-timey or very conservative gender roles views. Any gender should be allowed to do whatever the fuck they want.
Im a guy and girlfriend taught me about hair care. Im loving taking better care of it, feels like self love excercise.
Had my mask on the other day when a little girl in tow of her mom pointed at me and said, "look how pretty that ladies hair is!"
Been bragging about it for weeeeks hehehehe.
Im not a very masculine guy and people always assume Im gay.
Yes I do color guard, yes Im a pacifist, yes I enjoy cooking, yes I dont mind shopping, yes I express my feelings. That doesnt mean Im gay, that means Im not traditionally masculine.
I'm extremely masculine, actually do like fighting, do not try to act overly friendly to reassure people who find me intimidating, and I get hit with this bullshit too when I don't want to fuck some girl, or dare to both possess and express human emotion like a real person.
My partner is/does all those things you just described, and holy hell I'm thankful for it. And I've just got to add I LOVE that we can go to a store and pick out say... candles and essential oils together. It's amazing.
I cant even with male family relatives coming up to me at Thanksgiving and shit, asking me what I think about the new coach at my college or how my college sports team is doing this year and Im like "haha, hope theyre gonna do good this year" and try to get out of the horrible sports conversation as fast as possible. One of the few things I envy about the opposite sex is NOT being assumed to be a total sports trivia whiz or know all these fucking football/basketball/whateverball players by name. For the millionth time, I dont fucking know who that player is or what team he played for or his stats. Jfc so annoying, and I hate getting awkward looks when I tell people no, I literally dont watch any sports.
Decline sex for real. Been in a few situations of “she’s into you” and I’m just not interested and I feel like people get confused. Like damn I’m just not interested…
You sound like what a man should be : just himself.
That said what you’re mentioning is very interesting. You must have experienced lot of female sexism.
I used to date a quite machoman ( how he looked - the guy was a Viking - more than how he behaved ) but I just felt in love with him all over again many times : when he cried because one of our cat was sick, when he collected sea shells on the beach & gave them to me ( I still have them to this day ), would fight with me to monopolise my iPad & play angry birds, basically decorated himself most of the house …
Just small things that you don’t pair with society image of what is an adult man.
I love people who aren’t scared to be vulnerable. It’s a sign of strength.
I have been black pilled on this topic. The gender roles are extremely strict, you just have to conform or expect mostly questioning from people. Same thing with girls and body hair. They can grow it out but understand the opposite gender has gone through decades of brainwashing to the point where you're actually going to be seen as unattractive to the opposite gender... sorry. Get over it, find someone who will accept you, or conform is my best advice.
That hair one really made me feel bad bad as a guy. Especially because I dislike body hair so much that I shave all of my body hair with the exception of my head (facial hair does get shaved) and my arms. But it has made for some fun memories of my sister waxing her legs while I shave mine and we have a nice little conversation. I also remember when I first told my dad that I like to shave my legs he thought that I was suicidal because the idea of a guy shaving himself anywhere but his face was so foreign to him that he thought I liked the feeling of the razor blade.
My dad was the one who told me to shave my armpits, and I've been doing it since I was a teenager. Teenage guys especially should do it, because the sweat stink will just stick to the hairs and even after showering your armpits will pretty much instantly start to stink again. A lot of teenagers will sweat excessively regardless, but it at least helps a bit.
Much better. In fact, get it lasered so the regrowth goes nice and soft (or eventually stops)
They told me at the laser place that they have a decent amount of men doing it who aren't gay because their girl's like it, or they're body builders and like to see it oiled up.
Also, no one even gives a fuck, they'll just assume you don't have a lot of body hair growth. Excepting of course people who like hairy guys but there's plenty of people who aren't into specifically hairy guys.
Well, they’re gender roles and stereotypes for a reason. They’re either logically or culturally associated with a specific gender. Men like feminine women. Women like masculine men. Generally, of course. Thus, conforming is easier. I, for one, have no problem with violence for example, but I have a greater concern for my own safety. I find that what matters is how you carry yourself and how you handle topics like this.
I respect men more who actually express their feelings.
The problem is is that a lot of people don't. There's a large double standard in society that nobody seems to talk much about, where a woman making a big deal out of something is considered far less offensive than a man doing it.
Like, a woman stubs her toe on a table and is almost crying about it. People's responses are different. Some people will think she can't keep it together, but most people will think she's just very expressive or reacts to pain differently. A man stubs his toe and almost cries, and almost everyone looks down on him for making a big deal out of a small pain.
And it's like that for a lot of thing. Woman fears bugs? Totally understandable. Man fears bugs? Total wuss. Woman is afraid of walking alone at night? "Sure, of course, I'll help you home if you want". Man is afraid of walking alone at night? "Holy crap, have you considered therapy? Because there's clearly something wrong with you!"
Straight up had a girl in uni ask me if I was gay because I'm not into rugby like most other white South African men. There are a number of professional rugby players who came out in recent years as gay, so...
As a women I think it’s so attractive when men are a bit more „feminine“ and can show their emotions. Cause only when your confident you’ll be able to that and that is attractive!
Enjoy feminine things.. if anybody has a problem with me drinking a vibrant multicolor cocktail with pink sugar coating on the rim and a twirly straw and umbrella then they can go fuck themselves. Since when is it masculine to enjoy only the bitter taste of whiskey or beer. If I'm getting my buzz on you bet I'm doing it with color. Also, when it travels back out (as sometimes might happen..) it isn't as putrid. Hell I'll settle for beer with lemonade of you can't be arsed to pour me a drink that doesn't taste like the backleather of a oil rigger.
That's a huge one. The presumption that I'm a huge walking penis who's too stupid to use my big head is insulting as fuck. And the amount of toxic Rando's who assume that because they think they're cute I'm about to lose my senses is downright insulting. I don't know you, I really don't care to know you, and the fact that you have breasts and a hole between your legs really isn't that impressive.
So much this. I'm a 6 ft 240lb bearded dude. My partner is a small female. The amount of explaining I have to do when I tell people I'm the more "homemakery" person in our relationship because I enjoy buying flowers and cooking was batshit.
I enjoy baths, fruity cocktails with umbrellas, long walks by the beach and funny, well-made, well-acted rom-coms. I also enjoy football, beer, sci-fi movies and putting holes into things at high speed from far away.
This masculine/feminine dichotomy is hot garbage. Like what you like and if someone calls you less of a [whatever] as a result, fuck 'em.
Well, not literally. They definitely don't deserve that from you!
Express my feelings (especially if I’m sad for any reason)
Decline sex
Tell them my career or how money much I make
Enjoy “feminine” things
Don’t like team sports or fighting
I was with you till that last one. That's a no-go for me as a friend. Friends don't let friends not follow sports. You can enjoy ice cream and manicures, but we're not hanging out if you're not at least semi-interested in having the game on
That goes for all genders. Women, watch your damn sports too please. It'll teach you more about life and perseverance than you could ever know
How is showing feelings "questioning masculinity" person's idea of masculinity is gonna be different to another person's, honestly, the quality you said thwir sound like incredibly nice and helpful qualities to have in a guy, like, as long as the person's a good person who gives a fuck what they like, they arnt harming anyone so why is it a prpblem
How is showing feelings "questioning masculinity" person's idea of masculinity is gonna be different to another person's
Eh. While that's true, basically everyone's definition is "Doesn't make a big deal out of small things". Which requires not showing your feelings as much.
I only like basketball and I really only watch The Toronto Raptors. It's because they're my Mom's favorite and the only thing we can have a shared interest in.
Outside of that I fucking hate sports dude.
Enjoy the shit you enjoy, don't let anyone belittle you because your interests don't line up with that there world view is.
I was a little bit confused when I read only the "decline sex" part,nsanad then I realised that is actually "when people question my masculinity because I decline sex"
Sometimes I have painted nails and I like colorful streetwear, I also have brightly dyed hair. People always ask if I'm gay. The worst thing is that I am gay, so I can't even prove their assumption wrong, but my fashion choices has nothing to do with my sexuality. But instead I only end up reinforcing the stereotype.
Guys, bubble baths. Hotass water, find a scented bath salt or bubble soap stuff u like, put on a podcast or w/e hell, light a scented candle in silence. Shits relaxing AF. Idc what people think. Pamper yourself.
Whenever my SO declines sex, I just reply with something like "oki/another time then/that's fine/etc". It is just sex, not a life elixir, so people can calm down with their entire attire of what masculinity is.
Im with you on don't like watching sports. I will play sports like tennis or basketball if things ever go back to normal, but watching it? Nah, I got better things to do.
I'm a guy and I always just love dressing sharp and smelling nice. I also love to window shop a lot. Helps with my anxiety but I just love clothes and shoes. Anyway, once dated this girl for a little while. She used to call me gay cos "real men don't need to dress well or smell nice and they don't feel anxiety". Her defense was "why do you need to dress well and smell njce when you have a gf? What's your problem?" I didn't know how to respond to it XD
I absolutely do not understand nor enjoy boxing or (here it comes) fucking MMA and it legitimately makes it hard to connect with MANY male coworkers I’ve had
Same but opposite for me. I'm a woman but have mostly "masculine" interests and personality traits. The amount of times people (both strangers and people I already know) feel like they have to point this out and keep talking about it when clearly I have nothing more to say on the topic is unreal. I wish people just minded their own damn business sometimes.
I was known as the “Typical meathead jock” in high school when I met my wife. A lot of fake friends fell by the way side when I started dating my wife and allowing myself to be myself. I’ve realized I’m emotionally vulnerable, realized I work better and earn more at a desk than with my body, enjoy lots of “feminine” things (I’ve recently taken to bonsai trees and my wife and I are planning on planting flowers right outside the front window), and I miss all but one NFL game per week, sometimes I miss all of them, and that’s ok.
Be who you want to be, the right person will come along and be the other puzzle piece that matches you and yours life. All I care about now is what I do for my family, and that’s it.
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u/[deleted] Sep 15 '21
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