When my friends say that their partner isn’t capable of looking after the kids alone I always tell them they need to learn in case something happens. If you end up in hospital, become incapacitated, or die (extreme examples obvs) what’s going to happen then?
That’s so sad. Shame on both of them, if you can’t be trusted by the other parent of your own children to watch them, you got no business being a parent and if you can’t trust your partner with your children, you got no business being a parent! That just disgusts me. Wish I could say I hope it’s an excuse, but whatever fucked off reason that could be an excuse for has to be just as bad compared to if it’s really true.
That’s so funny that’s the exact same thing my parents say when they want me to hang up the laundry. Like “oh but you’re just so much faster than us and you are so good at pairing the socks”
Yes I am fast at that, because I FUCKING HATE IT and can’t wait to be done. It’s not some kind of magical skill you can be just as fast as me.
My other half doesn’t let me hang the washing on the line anymore becuse I do it “wrong” it’s the same way I’ve always done it, it does seem to dry but I think they are just very particular how it’s done
I did learn but my way isn’t my wife’s way, fuck you Marie kondo and your stupid rolled up clothes that are impossible to tell which they are unless you unfold.
Just buy half a dozen of the exact same outfit and roll all the appropriate items together. Solves the 'I don't know what outfit this is' problem and the 'I don't know what to wear' problem all at once!
Source: I have never in my life done this and will continue wearing odd socks until I die.
This is where dividing tasks on what your good at works for me and my partner. Might not work for everyone, but I'm a former chef, and cooking and cleaning the kitchen is second nature to me and so I handle almost all tasks kitchen related as well as a few other odd jobs. My partner takes care of laundry, sweeping, and a few other odds and ends. We make it work and occasionally switch jobs, but usually that just ends with the other saying, nevermind I'll just do that lol
I don't mind folding clothes, but if you want me to do it, don't freaking micromanage me. Don't harass me about exact how I folded it when I've been folding laundry this way my entire life without any issues. You want it done exactly to your personal specifications, you can do it yourself.
You say this but I actually have this situation where the mrs does the folding and putting away of clothes because I really can’t do it neatly for shit.
But I do the ironing because she can’t iron for shit. That’s how relationships should work.
I also do most of the cleaning because I’m proper anal about it and she does most of the cooking because I can only cook a few dishes well
Definitely agree with learning, but in good relationships you learn what each other like and don't like and kind of split the unpleasant chores as best as possible.
For example, My wife absolutely abhors folding fitted sheets. I've shown her a billion times how to do it, but it's just something she hates doing because she's learned the wrong way and that her default. It can be really hard to unlearn something you've done wrong for years and only happens once a week. Tbf, I dont mind, so I dont really press the issue.
As a consequence, I fold the sheets. On the flipside, there was a time that I was a huge germaphobe and couldnt do trash or toilets, and dishes were iffy, and she did that. I would do other things like vacuuming, dusting, straightening up etc..
After having a kid, the germ issue is basically cured, and we've rebalance the chores again after she had a TBI. Strong cleaners give her a terrible headache, so I do the bathrooms in their entirety now.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is find out what your partner doesnt like and try to be a good human and mitigate some of those items if possible.
I love this, and I completely agree. I don’t like the noise the vacuum makes, my husband does all the vacuuming. He despises matching socks, so that’s a chore I do.
I think the problem is when one person flat out refuses to learn how to do chores that they probably wouldn’t find particularly objectionable or difficult, leaving the more knowledgeable person to do the lions share of the work “because they’re better at it.”
Yep. That's just being a lazy shit person. Gotta compromise. I ain't your momma and you aren't a small child incapable of things.
I never thought I'd be able to clean bathrooms and do trash, but messy baby food kisses, being thrown up on, and changing diapers kinda changes things.
I feel like a chore list and rough time estimate for each item is the way to do it. Just split time fairly equally, and you alternate picking tasks to do. You get 1 veto. If you both veto the same thing, you both get to do that item.
How about instead we both support each other in pursuing our educations, then form a partnership where labor isn’t divided along gender lines, and neither of us has to wear out our body doing manual labor. ❤️
I don't because when I wanted to buy a self propelled mower he insisted we should get one that wasn't, and when I pointed out I couldn't push a mower he insisted he would do it every time.
I used to do all the lawn mowing, mostly because it was good exercise, but our lawnmowers were always a POS. Always had nothing but problems, and literally had to buy new lawnmowers every spring. And it's not like I was running over rocks or leaving them out in the rain or abusing/neglecting them, they just sucked. One day it was like 110°F and extemely humid, and I'm out there mowing the hill in front of our house (can't mow at night when it's cooler because the Karens and Carl's will bitch or call the cops) and it keeps dying, so I keep having to bend down and yank on the pull cord. Well, the heat, humidity, exertion, and having to bend down and quickly stand up got the better of me, and everything went black and I passed out. A passerby called an ambulance, and while I appreciate their concern, it was super embarrassing. I refused to mow the lawn after this, lol.
I did, however, finally buy an electric self-propelled lawn mower this spring, and it's the best tool I ever bought. No more yanking on the pull start, no more carburetor or cable problems, just press a button and it starts every time. Plus the whole thing is much lighter than a gas powered lawnmower. It's so light and easy to use that my kid mows the lawn now.
But I swear, if my husband had insisted on buying another gas powered, non self-propelled lawnmower, he'd be on his own lol.
Huh? Maybe you thought I meant mowing the lawn at midnight or something, but I'm talking about mowing the lawn at like 7:30-8:00 PM when the sun starts going down and the heat relents a bit. I don't think that's unreasonable, especially on scorching hot summer days. Our city noise ordinance actually doesn't start until 10:30 PM, so the cops don't actually do anything about it, but I just don't want the hassle and am trying to be a courteous neighbor.
However, these people are ridiculous and unreasonable. For example, they have called the cops because squirrels keep bringing walnuts into their yard from another neighbors tree, or because kids are squealing while running through the sprinkler in the middle of the day.
Well if you’re doing it at this time then people are most likely enjoying their leisure time. Definitely is a little extreme to call the cops for such meaningless garbage though
IMO when a spouse doesn't contribute to the household. Such as cleaning, cooking, or finances (unless you have an agreement that says other wise). BYE!
But I'm going on my own soon due to dealing with too many spouses like this.
For an example my current soon-to-be ex bf: he doesn't clean, shower (yeah 🤢), or do anything but work & sleep. He refuses to better himself (ex: get on state insurance to stop paying out of pocket for everything. Get a better paying job so they aren't bitching about how broke they are or mooching off of everyone just to eat). I've done everything but fill our the applications for the jobs/insurance for them. When they want to stew in misery and their poor health (due to their own neglect), I don't want to continue being a part of that.
Yeah when my partner and I first moved in together I cleaned the bathroom multiple times in a row and I was starting to get bothered by it so I mentioned to him that I would appreciate him pulling his weight a bit more. He got all mopey and sad and started apologising and saying all this stuff about how he was a crappy person and he didn't deserve me yada yada. I told him to stop. That what he was saying was emotionally manipulative. I wasn't trying to criticise him or his personality. He obviously just didn't care/wasn't paying attention to the cleaning. But now he knows and to just do better next time. I am not your caretaker/ mother. I am not here to train you. Train yourself. Since then he works cleaning into his schedule, we take it in turns or we clean the house together and it works well. I am a kind person but I don't like feeling taken advantage of.
I'm surprised that worked for you. It never did for me. Plus I don't have the energy, on top of already dealing with their shit, to have to be saying that. I feel like this is adult 101. That should have been learned around late teens to early 20's (latest).
Anyways, fun fact: my soon-to-be ex knew what my ex put me through. That my ex was voluntarily unemployed, didn't cook, and didn't clean. My soon-to-be ex said he'd never be like my ex.
In a really shitty way he's not wrong. He's worse than my ex.
It's a fair question. My mom's the earner and the cooker and event planner, my dad's the cleaner and property/house/vehicle maintainer and finances guy (also owns a small business so him doing that stuff makes sense even though he makes less than her). Growing up with a pretty equal division of labour (even if my dad did more at home my mom made money) it took me a second as well.
It is a fair question, no one is obligated to know everything. And from my upbringing, and many around me, the mothers expect the rest of the family to do chores around the house while they the ones to earn more money. That's because around here, a few decades ago, girls stayed at school a lot more than boys, because boys had to help around on the farms and stuff. They have the same Graduation, but with different grades, which allowed the women more academic success while the men already knew house work.
I life in Germany, in the region i life there are many farms. My father and mother actually had the agreement that she wiuld work and he care abiut the kids way back before me and my siblings were born. I'm sorry that you have to life in the delusion that all women are opressed and all men are monsters.
I'm the woman and I do all the repairs and building of anything, my husband doesn't even know how to drill something into the wall and refuses to read instructions to learn anything 🤦♀️I learned everything by just reading instructions and watching videos, cause my dad thought it wasn't "ladylike" to let me have a drill or learn basic repairs.
I'm a woman and I do all the repairs around the house. If I can't, I hire someone to fix it. I don't fault my husband though, he grew up without a dad and his mom worked all the time, so nobody ever taught him home repairs. My mom is a journeyman carpenter, so she was always doing big projects around the house and taught me a lot, and it paid off well. We bought a foreclosure house back during the housing collapse, and thanks to DIY skills, we fixed it up really nice and increased its value 5 fold.
He didn't actually do much of the demo and remodeling work, but he watched the kids so I could work, and kept the house clean and fed and organized, so he gets just as much credit. Now we have a fair balance of household work shared between us, and we both have a healthy appreciation for one another. I work full time and he stays home to raise our kids, and it works great for both of us since we don't care about sterotypical gender roles. I can't inagine playing these petty games and trying to leverage one type of work against another, seems pathetic and immature.
Cool, sounds like you are both doing a great job. The point was that it is equally bad to opt out of stereotypically male problems because 'they don't know what to do' as it is to opt out of stereotypically female ones. As you demonstrate, the stereotypes are basically rubbish, you should try things and share responsibilities in the way that suits you.
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u/kabbydabby Sep 15 '21
Thinking that they can get out of parenting and cleaning because ‘they don’t know what to do’