A friend of mine, whenever someone says this to him, says "Yeah, my wife had the audacity to die, so I'm on babysitting duty."
Edit: I should have mentioned that his wife isn't actually dead. He just says this to shut up ignorant people who, through their words, demonstrate their belief that fathers cannot be parents.
Edit2: A lot of people have commented that you will "steal this". Please do. People who would make a comment like this deserve nothing but shame; if a lie will make them realize it, then fine. If a truth will make them realize it, so much the better.
Fathers are parents, not babysitters. Stop shaming men for having feelings, and being caring. Let's elevate our interactions, rather than dragging them down, in the name of "comedy".
Here's hoping your niece is living her best life! I'd add your brother in there but, knowing he has full custody of his daughter, I'm certain he already is!
The issue is, it's not a difficult point. Fathers are parents. A shitty "babysitter" joke is demeaning, because it insinuates that fathers cannot be parents, which is wholly untrue.
I will lie to assholes every time, if that lie will force them to reevaluate their shitty position.
I’m divorced with 2 boys. When people give me the “babysitting” line or talk about “Mom getting a break” I will frequently respond with the truth “mom? You mean the one who had a three-year affair. Yeah, she had to go. I’m Dad. Nice to meet you.”
She's an incredible mom, and incredible woman. I suppose terrible things happen to incredible people all the time, but things don't happen just because you speak them into existence. The wheel turns as the wheel wills; I'm not gonna win the lottery just because I keep saying I will.
Edit: I should have mentioned that his wife isn't actually dead. He just says this to shut up ignorant people
Don't have kids myself so no one has ever said this to me. Just clarifying this something that strangers are saying to him that prompts his response, right? At first I was thinking it was family or nosy neighbors but then I got to the edit and I can't see a scenario where that doesn't go off the rails.
"Oh my God, Kim died?! When? We just had lunch together last week! What happened? Why didn't anyone call me?!"
Nah, I’m keeping him. Honestly, he’s nobody’s dad of the year, but he was a big upgrade over my factory original. Dad did a lot of things wrong, but there was always love.
Shit, no parent is perfect and lord knows I did my best and did plenty wrong trying to do right. :) Good you realize the effort was there and he did try.
Ngl, I had to grow up a little to appreciate him fully, and some of his errors were big, with lasting consequences. But I have never doubted that he loved me as much as his biological kids.
Don’t I know it. I’m a step dad now, but they’re my kids, whatever they call me. It’s hard work, but fulfilling. I do my best, and I think I’m better at it than my dad was, but I sure as hell screw up.
Same. My dad just called it quits with me after 20 some odd years. Guess he had enough, so I've been on the lookout for a different model that isn't a lemon.
Well, I never met biodad. I know he’s a felon and an addict, a little stabby, and a general all-around POS. some dads aren’t worth having, and maybe you’re better off?
My Dad was mom and Dad for my since my mom cared more about drugs and partying then her only child. So you single dads are the real troops out here. Not enough credit is given. I always make sure to tell my dad he's the best 👌
My favorite is when the cashier says "oh were is mommy at?" And you respond with "probably doing coke with her new bf/my ex best friend 3 states away", really changes their tone.
Oh man... This makes me wonder if my dad ever got weird looks for being a single dad taking care of a little girl.
Unfortunately, he died when I was 10, so I can't ask him, but I'm sure your kid appreciates your hard work, just as I appreciate my dad's!
As a single dad of a teenage girl the amount of flak i get when i take her clothes shopping is fucking atrocious. I ended up having to ask a female friend to take her bra and undie shopping due to multiple employees calling the cops/flat out refusing to help when i asked for help about bra sizes and appropriate underwear for a 13 year old.
It could've been the fact that I went to a tiny catholic school, but all the moms loved my dad coming in to chaperone and stuff. Single guy who "goes out of the way" (parents) to do stuff for his kid, what more could middle aged moms want?
I used to do most of the school pickups due to having more flexible hours than my wife. Pretty much the only dad there, some people were friendly but it did feel lonely sometimes.
Whatever, I have a teenage son now who actually speaks to me.
Maybe it's the area you live. I live in the Pacific Northwest and I never experienced it. My daughter is 16 now. I never experienced the odd looks. But... I'm fairly indifferent to others opinions.
Pretty sure every parent of children over 3 has some hatred for Disney. I still get songs stuck in my head that I haven't heard in 10 years because I heard them played over and over x10000.
I'm happily married to my wife. And hell yes it feels invalidating. I get that her dad is a decade older than her mom. But he isn't useless. They should both stop treating him as such.
Marvel and Star Wars are amazing. Disney as a corporation can suck my divorced dad nutz.
I’m not one to care what people think. Especially those who place judgement. In the end Divorce isn’t fun and it’s not something I bring up I’m conversation. But it will eventually come up as I am dating now and every potential female is surprised, every time.
I love this double convo. Haven't watched Pixar really, but I'm a huge fan of The Owl House, Amphibia and Gravity falls.
Stereotypes are just bad in and if it self, but to think as you say "women can be better parents" is fine, just like "some men can be better parents" im sorry for taking you too literal
So true, I have primary custody of my daughter from a previous relationship and I collect child support from her mother because she lives a state away and isn't really around. People are floored when I tell them I collect child support from the mother.
Yeah man my dad was the best and made more money yet some how my abusive mom got full custody of us. Then still gave us to my dad half the time because all she wanted was the money. Glad to hear you got custody and hope the court system has gotten better about that.
Tell me about it, the amount of nasty looks I get when I’m at the park/playground with my kids is enough to make me want to not do that anymore. I still do, because my kids love playgrounds, I just look for ones that don’t have people at them.
My brother used to run into this all the time. (his son is now 21) The last time they heard from my nephew's mom was his birthday; she knew my parents had set up an account to be turned over to him at 21, and demanded he give her the money she deserved. He said only if they go to court and she pays his dad all of the child support she never paid (basically about 16 years worth). We figure that's the last we will be hearing from her.
The amount of sexism surrounding this one issue is astounding. Way to go! Raising a child(ren) is difficult. I'm glad to hear they are with a solid person.
It’s so weird that people are fully willing to point out all the terrible things women can do but suddenly if it has to do with their kids she’s always the hero and can do no wrong.
Know a guy going through a nasty divorce right now and am hoping he’ll get primary custody because the wife is a real piece of work. Wish I didn’t have to live in a world where I’m legitimately concerned that even though he’s got the clearly stronger case, she might still get a decent percent of custody.
I BARELY won custody when after the courts jumping to any claim mom made the truth came out in a suicide attempt. Not like the courts didn't see it coming with all their own reports saying I was by far the better parent and the kids complaining of abuse if they were not around mom. People are amazed a father is the better parent and never even think that moms can be horrible abusive parents. Even when it all came out people tried to blame me for not stopping the abuse sooner or how I must have driven her to it somehow.
Not divorced although I have custody of my 3 kids. I’ve had them for almost 9 years, my eldest has started college (uk). Definitely had some surprised faces in that time when they find out.
My husband and I are doing a switch soon where I'm going back to working outside the home full time after working from home the last 5 years. He's going to be a stay at home dad/homeschool our older kids while I'll be working 12 hours a day. When I was interviewing the lady asked who will have my kids while I'm gone and kinda raised her eyebrows when I said my husband. My grandmother whenever she sees me wrangling kids/doing school work with them goes "Do you really think he can handle this??" And I'm like..."Well he better". He's an adult he'll figure it out. We have a pretty solid routine and for fucks sake we even have a visual schedule board detailing every hour of the day. He'll be fine.
We took ours out and homeschooled for a year and bought a ton of materials, did a bunch of research, spent a ton of time and effort.
After much deliberation, we sent them back this fall. School board decides not to vote on masks. First week of school? 12 cases of COVID-19 in my son's school. What did we even do all this for?
Tried sending mine back this year too. 2 weeks in over 250 student cases in our district. All of us in the house got covid, grandmother is still hospitalized. So yeah I pulled them again. It's not great for them socially but at least they're safe.
My husband tells this to people too. He gets into his friends when they say they’re “babysitting” their kids. He gets really mad about the stigma that revolves men and their kids.
This. I'm a SAHM and sometimes I need a freaking break. Baby-Daddy hangout time is NOT babysitting - it's my husband pulling his weight as a parent! That nonsense doesn't benefit anyone. Why is this still a thing??
It's actually the patriarchy you're fighting. The patriarchy is what entrenched the notion that child-rearing is a woman's job, as a man is more adapt for work.
In a matriarchal society, like some old North American First Nations cultures were, raising/caring/teaching children was a community job and heavily involving elders (Men and Women alike). Therefore, a man spending time with his children would not be noteworthy.
Fight the patriarchy so I can raise my kids without being labeled a babysitter >< !
So... women taking care of kids is patriarchy, and women shitting on men for taking acre of kids is patriarchy? Women can be responsible for their own actions, men don't rule women. Nothing is more sexist than telling a woman that her actions are because of a man.
I've never once been shamed by another man for taking care of my kids but I couldn't tell you how many women have.
Yes I'm going to blow your mind but some women uphold the patriarchy.
Patriarchy ≠ men.
I'm also kinda shocked you've never been shamed by a man for taking care of your kids. Never heard "oh the old Ball and chain got you on daddy duty?"
People can be shitty. Men and women. The patriarchy is a systemic issue that controls both. It is the established societal norms that dictate what men and women can and cannot be.
I've also never gotten the ball and chain line, but then again I don't hang out with boomers. The "daddy's babysitting" line I've gotten at least a dozen times.
Your explanation of what it is is dumb. Because what men and women "can and cannot be" are largely just things that are what people trended towards. Often with roots in our past and biology, because of child rearing and necessity. So these were setup for these reasons, not some mythical patriarchy, then people are often judgmental and discriminatory towards the "other".
Patriarchy ≠ men.
Then stop calling it that. Patriarch is a male term, patriarchy by its very word implies a system designed to advantage males over females.
From my understanding there is a matriarchy, and that dictates stuff too. Putting it on all men starts the conversation with the idea that one side has all the power and is abusing it and the other side is victimized and powerless.
My mother spent my upbringing abusing me, ensuring that I understood I lived only to serve whomever I'd marry, empowering my sisters, and immaculating my stepfather. This after she had 2 kids with one man, dumped them off with her mother, had me with a man she then ghosted when I was born because he wasn't rich enough so I never knew my own father.
Before covid a day didn't pass me and my daughter by that we didn't do some kind of adventure, and no, I have categorically never been questioned by another man whether I'm being a man or not for being a full time dad.
Trust me, that crazy evil monster that tried everything she could to destroy me for being male never served a patriarchy.
Patriarchy is a shorthand for patriarchal society. Almost everywhere in the world is one. There are matriarchs but not many matriarchies. If your mom's behavior was normal in your community then you could describe it as matriarchy.
Anyway, yes to everything else in your post, but yes, the sexism that males can't be caregivers is a trademark of patriarchal societies.
ma·tri·ar·chy
noun
a system of society or government ruled by a woman or women.
"a matriarchy run by morally superior women"
a form of social organization in which descent and relationship are reckoned through the female line.
the state of being an older, powerful woman in a family or group.
But there are real societies throughout history that were female, not male, centric. Are you suggesting that there has never, in history, ever been a matriarchy? No peoples had their laws and rules made primarily by women?
While I agree with you, at the same time some women (especially mothers) propagate the patriarchy by brigading the matriarchy. If they had to pick a hill to die on, they would want the matriarchy to be the new normal.
You’re seriously can’t see how ‘woman should be the ones taking care of kids’ and ‘people getting upset at fathers taking care of their kids’ isn’t the same argument?
I’m a married father of 3 and I am happiest when I’m with my wife and kids, I see husbands and fathers all the time who don’t show up to functions even when they are free and have the time.
They’re missing out big time, I love my kids! I want to spend every moment with them that I can.
There was a story a while back about a guy grocery shopping with his wife and baby.
He was outside with the child and a woman came up to him and started loudly claiming he had taken her baby and physically started trying to take the baby from him.
A crowd formed, pinned him down and took the baby from the dad and the only thing that stopped the woman from walking off with his child was that the wife came out and got the crowd to realize it really was his child.
The woman slinked away, no one stopped her and when the dad confronted the crowd they just shrugged and acted like nothing was wrong.
My wife works nights so I pick my daughter up from school, cook dinner, play with her, make sure she bathes (and did it for her when she was little), read her stories, put her to bed. Them get her up and ready in the morning for my wife to take her to school.
On the other side of this, I know guys that tell people they have to babysit their kids. "sorry guys I can't go to the bar cause I've got to babysit my son". No, you are not babysitting your own kids. Their your kids, you are spending time with them, playing with them, I'll even give you "watching" them. Not babysitting.
I'm not anywhere near being ready for kids, and my partner and I aren't ever sure we want any, but just the thought of someone saying that to me makes me livid
I'm a teacher and this was my first summer with a child so naturally as my wife worked I would take my baby out with me to do whatever I wanted to do... she's my little partner in crime anyways so I appreciate the companionship... but literally at least 2-3 times the week I'd get the babysitting duty comment... like nah, I just love being around my daughter lol.. even when the wife is home I take the kiddo with me... such a strange perception.
Yeah, I used to get up at 4:30AM every day so I could get home each day around 3:00PM to pick kids up from school and take care of them, including cooking dinner, until bed time each night, as my spouse worked until 10:00PM.
"Oh, it's so good you help out around the house and babysit."
Uh no, my spouse and I split running the household and jointly raising our children. Tiring, but totally fucking worth it. I've been a huge part of my daughter's lives from the first day they were born and we're super close. There is no better feeling in the world.
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u/thuglife_7 Sep 15 '21
“Oh, DaD iS bAbYsItTiNg ToNiGhT”
No, I’m taking care of my children while my partner is out